My in-laws are from Hell. I have many examples of their Hellishness, which probably don’t amount to much when compared to war, hunger, torture, etc.
But they still drive me crazy.
Example Number One:
My in-laws have a chain of command. If I want to bring up a serious subject to my father-in-law, I have to tell my husband about it. He in turn tells my mother-in-law, who tells my father-in-law. The answer comes back down the chain the same way. I always have to go through my husband. If I don’t, people get pissy.
In my own family, I can talk to my father. I can actually look at him straight in the eyes and ask him serious, tough questions. He has the right not to answer, to tell me he doesn’t feel like talking about it, or to think about it for a while.
Isn’t life easier when there is open, honest communciation between EVERYONE? Do these people LIKE stress?
More examples to come…
Most common question I ask: “What?”
Most common question I get: “Are you really hearing impaired?”
Canthearya, does your FIL ever try to bring up a serious subject with you by taking the through-the-channels method, and you refuse unless he deals with you personally?
I hope your husband’s qualities make up for the irritations of his parents. . .
I’m a very fortunate woman. Most of the time (we’re not perfect) my husband and I communicate very well. Thank God. He’s a generous, loving human being who is used to his family’s quirks but sympathizes with me when I need him to.
No, I’ve never refused to communicate via the chain. I fear what would happen. I’m fortunate that I don’t have to see these people but once a year. When they do visit, they stay with us. In our house. The last time was for ten days. At these times I suck it up and vent to my friends, who are nice enough to listen.
Example Number Two:
My mother-in-law’s birthday was last month. Hubby and I racked our brains for a gift. Then we rememberd that she really likes Peter O’Toole, so we bought her a “Lawrence of Arabia” videotape and sent it to her with a nice card. She calls to “thank” us for remembering her birthday and the first thing she says is, “I don’t like Peter O’Toole THAT much.” This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, so in anticipation that it may be the wrong gift, we sent the receipt with the card. Why couldn’t she just be POLITE and say, “Thanks for the gift!”, then return it and get whatever she wanted? WHY? It’s so rude!
My in-laws are fundamentalists, so knowing me, you know how much fun that is. A couple years ago at Christmas they got me the “Promise Keepers” book. Yeesh.
But the even better story is last Christmas, we were having them over for dinner on Christmas Eve. We planned for them to be there at 7:30. Leigh-Anne went all out to make a great dinner, we dressed up, etc.
We figured they’d be here at 7:10, 7:15 or so. They called us at 7:30–we thought maybe they were in the neighborhood but couldn’t find the house. Nope–they were just walking out the door (they live about a half-hour away).
We figured, well, problems pop up, emergencies happen, whatever. They finally arrived about 8:30, an hour late. Dinner was, essentially, ruined. So what had happened? Mom-in-law was playing Solitaire on their new PC and just couldn’t tear herself away. Yep, they were an hour late over a computer game.
This kind of thing happens with them all the time. They’re simply inconsiderate. But, OTOH, my wife’s in-laws are even worse.
And being fundamentalists, they couldn’t lie about the reason they were late, could they?
Don’t you just hate ::fuming:: during the holidays?
Example Number Three:
They came to visit last Thanksgiving. Sadly, my brother-in-law was going through a divorce at the time. He’d been married for just over a year and his wife wanted one of their cars as part of the settlement. At the end of our ten days together, my father-in-law (through the chain of command, of course) asked me to sign a promissory note which stated that I wouldn’t go after the house if Hubby and I got a divorce.
My problems:
We’ve been married for almost ten years. You’d think this fact would cause father-in-law to have a little more faith in the marriage.
My sister-in-law has been divorced once (less than two years together) and is re-married (this one seems like a keeper). Did her husband have to sign a promissory note? No. Why? Because he’s male.
This was during the Thanksgiving holiday and days that surrounded it. What a wonderful time to bring up the fact that he doesn’t trust me as far as he could throw me.
It was through the chain of command - he didn’t have the guts to ask for it from me face-to-face. Gutless a**hole.
Thank God for the BBQ Pit.
Disclaimer: I have nothing against my brother- and sister-in-law. They’re human and made mistakes. They both sympathized and thought the situation was bullsh*t.
My mother has the same sort of problems with her in-laws.
A little background on my mom . . . she is extremely neat. Her house is immaculate. She cleans six hours a day; no exaggeration.
Her mother-in-law “Jane” came for a Fourth of July cookout, and said “Well, it looks like you cleaned the up a little bit!”
My mother is an excellent cook, but Jane wouldn’t eat anything. She had brought her own food in a plastic bag.
Jane also insists on calling my mother by my stepfather’s first wife’s name.
But the last time my mother hosted the Christmas family get-together, it was even a greater nightmare. She had cooked all day long, and had carefully laid out a beautiful party, complete with decorations. Everything was wonderful. We waited until ten o’clock for people who were supposed to arrive at 5:30. Then Jane called and said that at the last minute she had decided to go to her daughter’s, and had called all of the family, and informed them of the change of plans, and had “accidently” forgotten to call my mother.
Blasphemy, destruction, and damnation (wait a minute… I’m not a Christian. Hold on.)
Sorry.
Disgrace, dishonour, and opprobrium deluxe await the uncouth fiends who would commit such a crime. Failing to attend a sit-down dinner party for no reason is one of the highest sins of etiquette, for which there is no excuse except for grave illness or death (preferably the guest’s own). You would be quite right never to invite those monsters again. They should be banished from society forever.
ARGH. MORE SHIT that belongs in MPSIMS!
This ain’t flames, this is woe-is-me-ain’t-they-assholes pansy-assed hand-wringing good LORD don’t you people GET IT?
Get a grip and FLAME someone if you must, don’t come crying around here looking for sympathy with your queen for a day dysfunctional family sob stories! Get IRRATIONAL, dammit, or stay the hell out.
In-laws, such fun…can you say culture shock? I figured it was over when I got used to his Pentecostal mother. (A real-life female ARG)
I went to my husband’s family reunion. They kept staring at me. I thought I was just an outsider. I was told later that it is unseemly for a female to b.s. with the guys. I was expected to go hang out with the other females exclusively. Southern women don’t associate with men as equals the way midwestern (read: South Dakota) women do.
They also don’t clean their husband’s fish. I was specifically uninvited to a fishing trip I might have enjoyed. Then, when they came back and I started scaling and gutting, I was accused (mostly by the women-folk) of working like a n-gg-r. I had no clue what to say. I just sputtered. This did, however raise hubby’s standing… even more bizarre.
I feel sorry for my fiance-to-be. His mother-in-law (my dear mommy) thinks he is too possesive, rude and domineering, . He thinks the same of her! But what kills me:
I developed HPV, a virus that could possibly become maybe cervical cancer, given enough time. Mom thinks Ed tied me down and injected me w/ some hypo full of virus. She forgets that I’ve several had other lovers.
Ed bought me some nice jewelry for Xmas. Mom says “he’s just showing off that he owns you” My sister gets an almost identical set from her husband and Mom says “he’s a great guy to buy you such nice things”
Any wonder why we’re thinking of moving to (shudder) California?
