Hell, I can’t even think of a good word to discribe him.
After my MIL fell and broke her femur (she’s in an Assisted Living Place so they found right away thankfully), my husband,the oldest and only male of four, called his oldest sister’s house only to get her husband, Tattoo Tom. After being told about the fall etc. Tattoo Tom told my husband that he MIGHT pass on the info and MAYBE allow his wife to call! WTF!
I guess what do you expect from a guy who has tats of naked leg- spreading women all over his arms, and makes sure he wears sleeveless shirts. He’s isolated his wife from the family. SIL has a patern of falling for men who are abusers. It is sad to see,which we don’t too ofen becuse of the isolation. Sad all around.
He seems like a douche, but why are you blaming him for how he is? An asshole is an asshole.
Sister is the one who married the guy and put herself in that position. It’s an unfortunate position, but one she put herself into.
Nah, the fact that there are people who are dumb enough to fall for you does not let you off the hook for being a fuckhole. He sounds like a candidate for board poisoning.
Oh, I get it. Blame the victim.
My family’s been there, done that. If you can’t get a hold of your SiL directly at the moment, don’t sweat it. You’ll get her soon so ya’ll can tell her yourselves. If Tatto Tom the Douchebag doesn’t want to pass along the message…well, fuck him. SiL deserves (and needs) to know.
And if she won’t get involved, fuck her too. Don’t waste time on that. Do what needs to be done and let her come to her conclusions.
That may be harsh but you aren’t responsible for anybody else’s actions. If the other party is informed they can make their own decisions.
If the victim is a grown woman who actively seeks out that type of relationship? Sure. It’s not like they can do anything to help her or change her mind, she made her choice.
My mom has been an abused woman for going on 40 years now.
I used to feel sorry for her and agonize over her situation. Then I became a grown woman myself, and now… not so much. I realized that, just like me, she has made her choices, she has determined what is important to her, and she has to live with the consequences of her choices, just like everyone else. It is unfortunate that her choices in life has not only caused herself a lifetime of misery and pain, but several other people and generations as well, but what are you gonna do? You can’t tell someone how to live their life- you can only accept how it is or go away so you don’t have to deal with it if it’s too much for you, which is what I’ve done.
Maintaining contact with her sisters and, to a limited extent, me and her grandchildren, gives her some comfort and support. But really, he is her life, and that’s what she has chosen. She left him several times and even divorced him once, so it’s been proven to her that it can be done, but evidently she values this lifestyle in some way, as unbelievable as it is to everyone else.
Unless your sister-in-law is mentally handicapped, or he is literally holding a gun to her head every second of the day, this is what she wants for right now. Love and support her, that’s pretty much all you can do.
In my opinion, there is no victim here. There is a man who is making poor choices, and a woman who is making poor choices. They probably shouldn’t be together, because their poor choices are re-inforcing the other’s poor choices, but that’s what they’ve both chosen for now. You can’t make people choose to be happy.
SIL called my husband, must have gotten the message after all. She gave my husband her “personal” cell phone number and told him Not to call the house again.
FWIW I worked at a Domestic Violence Shelter. SIL has been in abusive situations before and this new guy is continuing in the same pattern. It’s difficult to comprehend. I know it’s not up to me to force a change. I just sent information and let her know there is help out there.
Well, if any good comes out of your mother-in-law’s injury, it might be a wake-up call to your sister-in-law that she isn’t in a healthy situation. Here’s hoping.