I need to vent. Dont tell me I’m an attention craving whore, I need to vent.
The past couple of months have sucked. back in august, my fiance got deployed on a friday, I started a new job on a monday, got kicked out of my parents house on a tuesday. My mom said she didnt like me anymore, yes, my mom is mentally ill.
So I temporarily moved in with my friend Casey and his parents. My Fiance, who we will refer to as D, decided it was too much strain to be engaged while he is deployed (a year) and called off the engagement. sure, I was crushed, but I understood, and I accepted it. Few nights later, my ex calls to tell me how happy he is with his new girlfriend (he broke up with me becuase he said he didnt want to be with anyone for a long time).
A month later I moved into an apartment with a friend of a friend, S. S turns out to be the roomate from hell. I get Mono right after I move in, and sustain some liver damage. Then, my friend Kevin died. That hit me really hard, and I’m still having a hard time dealing with that.
The recent saga: S invited her friend to live with us. Didnt ask me, didnt ask the landlady. She wrote the landlady a fucking letter so she would find out after the fact. I’m worried we might all get kicked out, so I go see the landlady. I tell her I wasnt asked about the friend, so the landlady says in that case, the friend shouldnt be there. So she called S and told her her friend needed to be out by Monday. So S and her friend ask me to lie to the landlady, and pretend that S’s friend only sleeps over. I say no way in hell. So tonight my lovely roomate decided to inform me she is moving out by January. Fuck. I have NO money saved up. My job pays $5.50/hr, and my rent is $550 a month. Thank god I qualify for food stamps, or I wouldnt be eating. So I’m paniking as to what I’m going to do for housing.
Next topic: Since I was 11 (I am now 18) I’ve had my battles with depression, panic disorder, drug abuse, suicide attempts and the like. I was hospitalized in febuary for drug abuse/detox. I’ve been feeling pretty good since then. But last month I went thru the worst depression I ever have, but for the first time, I made it thru without doing drugs, or harming myself. Big accomplishment for me. But it was still really bad. I did not tell D about the depression last month, becuase I didnt want to worry him. But he knew something was up, and begged me tonight to tell him, so I did. Now he’s saying he has to think it over, he’s not sure if this is a deal-breaker or not. And the worst part is that he’s coming home for leave mid November for 2 weeks, and I’m afraid this will put a damper on it. A few days ago I was so excited for him to come home. Now I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I’m hoping all the shit has kind of reached it’s peak. it just seems like it’s one thing after another. Ahhhh, feels good to vent. Been keeping all that in since september.