Internet, men and dating......

Like most single people, i have turned to the internet to meet my “soulmate” for a lack of a better word. I have not yet found the “perle rare” though i have met some nice guys but we just didn’t click. But i have also met some unreliable, psycho fucks, that last one just won’t let go… jeez man i’m not that special… drop it… pleassssssseeeeee

I met him on a dating website. His conversations were interesting enough, not the most talkative person but it’s ok english not being his first language (god knows it’s not mine) but yet he insists on writing in english, good practice for me. So after many chats, i decide What they fuck… and i give him my phone number i know i know i shouldn’t have… . He calls and doesn’t say much again… so i fill dead air with mindless chitchat. He loves the sound of my voice… First mistake… he tells me i should work for a sex phone line… yeah i know i heard that before and i know where it’s going… phone sex… so being somewhat blunt i tell him straight away, i don’t do phone sex. He starts to tell he wants to meet me… ok i set up one meeting, he cancels… another, he cancels again… and a last one… doesn’t show up. Can’t call him don’t have his number. So when he finally calls, i have to admit he has balls… i confront him yes mister lives with his g/f. OK well i’m sorry i can’t talk to you anymore… … but wait jools it’s over, we’re only living together because we’re stuck with the house… yeah right, and i’m a 6’5, 420 lbs trucker named Buck. I stand firm. NO that’s it, don’t call me, don’t email me, this is not going to work.

For about 2 months, I don’t hear from him… hey he is a relatively decent guy afterall… he got the message… YEAH RIGHT… A week ago he started calling eveyday, sometimes twice a day, leaving me these really sleazy messages… (havin to do with my voice, lips and sexual practices… ), sending me emails to give him another chance. I ignored his calls or his emails so he decides that maybe he should stop calling during the day (he knows i work the 9 to 5 job… idiot) and call in the morning, might get me home at 6 am… 6 FUCKING AM… this is the conversation:

me: huh?
him: hi! you called
me: groggy as hell… what???
him: you called?? i was beeped?
me: (recognizing his voice) no i didn’t call, i was fucking sleeping
him: (he starts laughing… like he pulled a fast one on me) you don,t know who this is he?
me: yeah fuckwart i know who this is… and you call me again i’m calling the cops

me: slamming the phone down, swearing in every language i know

I was so freaking mad… i was shaking all over… hopefully he took me seriously about the cops (god knows what they would do but hey i’ll say anything to get him off my back). I get to work, check out my messages, there is one of him telling me that he understands that he blew it with me but he would still like to meet me, just to get to see me face to face… AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH, what doesn’t he understand??? WHY ME??? it’s now 4:43 in the afternoon, took my messages home and there it is… his freaking voice again… telling me when he’s free this weekend, what am i suppose to do? how can i make him understand? i was almost crying out of desperation…

Ok now i might be able to have a nice evening with my friends… be a bit calmer… thank you all

Two words: caller id. Then call him back and talk to his girlfriend, if he still has one. Or call the police. Or block his calls.

What a friggin’ loser.

The man has been totally dishonest with you, hasn’t taken your honest NO for an answer. This allows you to be dishonest with him, too. Tell him you got back with your ex, who is 6’4" and weighs 250 lbs and plays rugby for fun. (And is good at it, too.) Tell him your ex, once again current, love is very jealous and is insisting that the two of you get caller ID so he can track this scumbag who is bothering you down and drop kick him into the next country. And that you intend to do that this very day. (The caller ID, not the kicking.)

Good luck, sweetie. Sometimes being alone is much better than you think.


Um, jools, whatever you do DON’T arrange to meet this psycho anywhere. I don’t mean to scare you because obviously I’ve not seen firsthand what’s been going on, but I’m getting bad vibes about this all around. He doesn’t sound as if he’s operating on all thrusters. You know he is dishonest because apparently he was cheating on his girlfriend. That two months he didn’t call you, he may have been chatting up and/or harrassing other women. There’s no telling what else he’s been lying about.

By his continued calling of you, he is harrassing you, and that is a crime. You might want to talk to your phone company to see if they have in place ways to help folks deal with harrassing calls? And, talk to the police, tell them what has been going on, and find out what options you have. Of course, perhaps the path of least resistance would be to change your phone number so that it’s unlisted, and then to stop giving your number out to psychos.

You say you set up a few times to meet him, but he didn’t show, as far as you know. He may have been there, but not gone up to meet you. He may already know what you look like. You don’t have to answer this here, but think if you told him what you look like or those times you arranged to meet him, if you told him what you’d be wearing or how he would be able to identify you and vice versa.

At the very least, if I were you, I’d be very careful with this loon. Take care.

D’you have any male friends with menacing deep voices who wouldn’t mind hanging out at your place for a while? Mr. Horny J. Dickweed might think twice about harrassing you if your phone is answered by Joe the Heavyweight Boxer.

Take this guy seriously (but don’t get all freaked out, if you can). Change your number; make sure you request unlisted AND unpublished. Have a guy friend tape your answering machine message. Check what personal information each of your email accounts is sending out with your emails (I discovered that Yahoo was sending out my full name with every email; I edited my profile to clear that up right quick). Get caller id and call block, and don’t pick up when it’s not a number you recognize. And next time this guy calls, put the phone down and call the police immediately after hanging up. Phone harassment is illegal, and the police and the phone company will work with you to tag this guy.

There is a number you can dial after you call someone that will block your number from showing up; I can’t remember it, but it’s something like *73. Ask the phone company about this; if you call other guys from the net, ask for their phone numbers, and use this caller id block when you call them. Meeting guys from the net does work; I’m marrying the guy I met in four months. I’m sorry that a loser leeched onto you. And on the plus side, if you get unlisted and unpublished, your telemarketing calls will virtually disappear.

I think the number you’re talking about (to block caller ID) is *67. At least that’s what it has been the places I lived.

jools, I’m so sorry you’re having this bad experience. I strongly second the advice to change your number and consider calling the phone company and/or the police to deal with the criminal harassment you have been experiencing. It may also be possible to get a restraining order if he keeps calling.

Having a male friend with a deep, no-nonsense voice record your answering machine message could help too.
In the meantime, keep enjoying yourself window-shopping for men on the internet. I did that for a while, met a bunch of neat guys, a bunch of “no way never will I be that desperate” guys, a flat-out creep or two, and then finally my wonderful husband.

The internet lets you meet a large set of men you would never come across in every day life, and that can be good and bad. However, you need to be a little more careful about your safety.

First rule, most important: NEVER give out your phone number. If you want to speak with a guy over the phone, or he asks for your number because he wants to talk with you, simply explain that you don’t give out your number for safety reasons. You will take a guy’s number and call him, but you won’t give out your number. I personally never had a problem with this. If he can’t or won’t accept the arrangement, run away fast. This is a reasonable precaution for single women, and a reasonable man should be able to accept it. When you call a guy, especially the first time, press the numbers on your phone that block his caller ID (you can find out which numbers in the white pages). After you’ve had a chance to interact with him, use your best judgement about how much access you want to give him, just like you would with someone you met in other circumstances.

Hang in there, and I hope you find someone wonderful.

That made all the hair stand up on my arms.

Thanks guys for all the advice, to be honest i was extremely annoyed with the guy, now i’m not so sure i shouldn’t be scared also … :frowning:

I did try caller id, he blocks his number and anyways he’s always called my from his cell…

I did have my message change, a friend’s husband has the deepest and coldest voice i have ever heard (nice guy though), so he came over and recorded my message for me.

As for the police, i was told by some friend that unless there was an actual threat, they couldn’t do much. But if i get one more message (email or phone) from him, i will enquire directly with the them.
celestina, like kellibelli your message scared the living shit out of me… and you’re right i’ve let my guard down, the one time i shouldn’t have… but believe me, it’s back up again.

Again thank you very much :slight_smile:

Just a bit of a hijack here…
** Jools **, for someone who states that English is not her first language, you’ve been doing a bang up job :slight_smile:

Jools - look up the antiharassment statute in your state. By WA state law, he is harassing you. An antiharassment order is easier to push through than a restraining order, and it’s effectively the same.

Here, you can go right into the courthouse and have an antiharasment injunction set up against him. You need very little to do that - just say he’s been harassing you and why. This will put an automatic restraining order on him until the hearing.

I was on the wrong end of one of those - a psycho ex-BF made some things up and had one against me. It was dismissed at the hearing, but he was just trying to annoy me with the restraining order that was in effect until the hearing. :mad:

thanks c-of-cyn

but you should see how long it takes to write one of these messages… i have to reread them few times to make sure they make sense :smiley:

This is actually easier to pin down than you might think, in the upset state you are in. You believe he’s using his cel phone. You have an e-mail address of his. It’s irrelevant if it’s no longer active. If he’s harassing you, give ALL of the pertinent data to the local police, and remind them that if he’s doing this across state lines, you’re free to call the F.B.I. ( who eat pricks like this for lunch ).

If you are outside of the USA, I don’t know what to suggest. Call your local police, and good luck. The upside of the Internet is meeting wonderful people. The downside is what we are reading here, and it’s an atrocity that ANYONE would dare take advantage it. It happens, and you need to keep your IRL friends around you, and use any help offered to deal with this guy.

Best of luck,


This phone harassment is illegal in Canada (at least in SK and AB), and the phone company will work with you as well, because they have no interest in having their service used for illegal means. Give them a call, and see what they can do for you.

jools, you’re welcome. I’m glad that I could help you get your guard back up. I’m wishing you well. :slight_smile:

My two cents… The internet is a great place to meet odd people and pass some time chatting about random stuff.

But I sure as hell wouldn’t date anyone I met online. Hell, I wouldn’t date me if I met me online.