Glad you feel better. Do stop by from time to time and let us know how you are doing.
I was always a desperately lonely emotional basketcase the first couple few days in a new place, whether it was high school, college, military, etc. If you suck at finding friends it’s okay because they’ll find you, as long as you don’t expect them to find you in your room. Anywhere but your room, would be a good place to be.
Pretty soon you’ll cherish the privacy of your single room, but until then avoid the place.
I had the same thing happen the first few days of freshman year. This huge pulse of feeling overwhelmed and lonely and desperately out of place. You’ll be fine.
Check and mate.
Trust me it’s better to be alone than to be with an insane loud crazy person who stinks and brings other crazies to your room.
I lived in military barracks for a few years. The first one in basic training was open with about 20 people in the same room.
Later I had to share a room with one or two other people. The communal bathroom was down the hall.
I would have loved a single room back in those days!
Take a book (study or just leisure reading material) and find somewhere to sit in a common area, library or coffee lounge, etc - someone may strike up a conversation with you, or you may overhear a nearby group talking about something that interests you (it should be OK to say “Hi, I couldn’t help overhearing you’re talking about X - mind if I join you?”).
If none of the above happens, you’ve got a book to read, so you’re not wasting your time.
Do you genuinely believe this will work, especially that last bit? Has it ever worked for you?
I can attest that this is in fact the only way I have ever made friends at college outside of people from my major classes (which didn’t end up being as good friends in the end as the people I met randomly using this method)
Rather than a common area in my dorm though, which were never used, I would go take a book or video game and sit outside a lecture hall building during the day. There are always hundreds of people milling about, arriving early for class and leaving class, and eventually one or two will come up and ask you what you’re doing/reading/playing (especially if you sit in a strange place).
Then they introduce you to all their friends and
BAM
you’re good!
Sitting alone at lunch is also a surefire way to get “pity conversations” over time. I never wanted them but people really thought something was wrong that I would eat alone, and would butt in on my lunch break to make me “feel better”.
My inclination towards seeing someone reading a book would be to leave them alone.
Just sayin’.
Oh yes, it doesn’t exactly get a hundred people to say hello but it does get somebody to eventually just by virtue of being near people, because some people are like that. Regardless, it does put you into earshot of other people which is a fine opportunity for butting in on their conversations. My conversation interruptions never panned out but it’s not like I did it much anyway. After that initial person who asked me what game I was playing and the subsequent introduction to a dozen people afterwards (and the introduction to more people from those people), I had no more need to go searching for opportunities.
I infer that you are a girl/woman. I guess that ‘Mathematics’ is too, so I guess that would work for both of you.
:rolleyes: The people who would greet me were invariably straight women, and only one was worth being friends with anyway - and my point is that’s all it takes to open up a friend of a friend network. If you’re implying that my boobs did the trick, you don’t know the half of what I look or act like. I’m pretty sure simply being male doesn’t project some sort of “stay away he’s a creeper” field out in public just by existing. Sheesh.
It’s worked for me. You don’t always get a lasting friendship out of it, but if nothing else, you’ve had a pleasant conversation about something you were all interested in, and practiced approaching people in a friendly fashion.
Works best if the topic isn’t too personal, though. I’d keep it to things like, “Pardon me, I couldn’t help but overhear you were thinking of joining the Underwater Basket-Weaving Club. Did you know they’re having a new members meeting next week? Free pizza.”
Consider going through rush and maybe pledging a fraternity/sorrority (I don’t know your gender so choose the appropriate one.) I was fairly isolated during my first 2 years of college until I went through rush. Even though I didn’t get innitiated (gotta keep up with classes at the same time). It did provide me with good social contacts, including my future spouse.
FTR I never thought of myself as a frat kind of guy, but it turns out that the fraternities were more diverse than I had anticipated. I managed to find a good fit at least for a semester or so. YMMV.
Why not? Seems like you bemoan the loneliness but expect people to come to you; to reach out to you…
You’re willing to become active on campus but not willing to try and make friends?
I don’t get it. The only person you can truly complain about being lonely to will be yourself.
Ask people in your classes to participate in a study group…
Participate in student government…
Join a service club…
Sign up for intramurals…
Ask someone on a date…
Ask lots of different people on dates…
My point with that is that I’m not going to be desperate to make friends. It’s not going to be my main aim.
Rather, I’m going to enjoy myself, participate, be open, and see what happens.
And I don’t really want dates.
Anyway, as an update, things have been going pretty well, I would say. I’ve met a few people in my classes but I haven’t seen them in the dining hall or anything.
I have mounds of work already and not much time to feel lonely.
One group that is related to my hobby is meeting tonight, but I think it might be cancelled since it’s so cold. So that’s kind of sad.
Yeah, I’m not sure what to say. I don’t have any pals yet but I’m doing fine regardless.
Yes - many times - recently (well, a few months back), for example - on a train journey; I was seated within earshot of a two people who were speculating on the identity of a tree beside the platform at a station. I identified it, so I just leaned over and said “I couldn’t help overhearing you talking about that tree - it’s a walnut tree” - and that’s all it took to start a genuinely friendly conversation that lasted for the remainder of the journey.
In a different context (i.e. if I could reasonably expect to run into the same people again the next day or week), that might have been the start of a friendship.
I’m not suggesting it’s always (or even frequently) appropriate to leap in and ask to join any conversation - and you have to try to sense whether your interruption is welcome, or an annoyance, but it’s certainly possible.
Get a gaming system if you don’t have one already. When I was in college, a lot of guys on the floor played Madden and NES baseball against each other.
If the OP is genuinely an introvert and is more or less okay with that, then telling him/her how to be an extrovert isn’t all that helpful. Get out and talk to people! Well, duh.
Somehow I’ve managed to make it almost a half century as a shy introvert, and looking back on my life, most of my best friends were more extroverted types who more or less barged into my life. That can’t happen if you hide in your room though. So, you have to put yourself out there and be more or less available, but you can’t really expect an introvert to speed-date their way through every room they enter. That’s the extroverts’ job.