I don’t get all the Jamie hate… He had a rough start here, but I think he’s turned into a good member. Still has a bit of a chip on his shoulder, but I don’t blame him. He’s a good shit.
One of my competitors was in a car accident a couple years back, ended up in a wheelchair for at least a couple of years, but is now out of it. Very good looking guy, type A salesman. Even when he was in the chair, I’d flirt with him, talk to him like I would any other guy that was my competition. Just like I would want to be treated.
But I wouldn’t look at him for a long term partner, or father of my children. It’d take a long time for me to forget that you had limitations, to not see them.
If it was the result of accident or injury, it wouldn’t be as big of an issue. Same with missing hands, fingers, legs, etc. If it was genetic or otherwise capable of being passed on to offspring; instant dealbreaker.
A while back, I had one of those friendly work crushes on a guy who used a wheelchair. Neither one of us was on the market at the time, so I don’t know how the wheelchair would have factored into it if it had actually been a situation where I had to think about a potential relationship. But the wheelchair wasn’t a problem when it came to thinking things like “hey, that dude is pretty attractive” and “omg, if I had known that guy was going to be in this meeting, I wouldn’t have worn this sweater that makes me look like a hobbit!”
It might be a factor that I have an uncle who was in a serious accident, and when I was a little kid, he used braces/crutches about 90% of the time, and a chair for things like an all-day trip to an amusement park. As he got older, and chronic problems related to his injuries continued to become more severe, that gradually flipped to about 90% use of a wheelchair, so I think I’m used to things like walking around town with someone in a wheelchair, or going to places like sporting events or restaurants and navigating what’s going on there. I get that hanging out with your uncle is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than dating someone, but it’s a start, at least.
Based on that, my advice is to hang around other guys who use wheelchairs, and then see if they have sisters who are a 9 or a 10.
Look lady, you misread my OP, so what you posted wasn’t even relevant. I tried explaining this in multiple follow-up posts, but apparently you have chosen to ignore them (conveniently).
And I’ve noticed you, not just in relation to me and my posts, but in relation to everybody and their posts; you just HAVE to find fault and be judgmental in some way. It gets tiring just to read.
Getting away from the specific guy in a wheelchair (Jaimie) to what is, I think, the true essence of his OP which is about guys in wheelchairs in general…
For me the chair would be a con but not a dealbreaker. I wouldn’t be terribly worried about it being a “big deal” or a lot of effort on my part as presumably said gentleman would either be able to care for himself or already have appropriate assistance. He would have to be able to tolerate me doing things for which a wheelchair may be an inconvenience or a major obstacle because I don’t see where his limitations would need to be my limitations (or vice versa, as I’m not physically perfect, either).
He would, of course, have to meet my other criteria - bodily hygiene, general attractiveness, personality, etc.
Actually, there are times I wish my current SO would use a chair - while he can ambulate unassisted he’s quite slow and tires much quicker than the norm. Crowds can be hair-raising, as his balance isn’t great due to SCI issues and I do worry about him tripping/falling and getting trampled. Anything involving a lot of walking would be a heck of a lot easier if he’d use a scooter but… well… man doesn’t want to and I won’t force him unless truly necessary.
So I’d say in some cases failure to use a wheelchair might be more of a dealbreaker because while I’m willing to work around a disability I wouldn’t tolerate someone who’d refuse tech that would make them more mobile. There’s a point at which you should just admit you need at least that level of help.
Look, we all have a certain “value” as partners. What is of-putting to me about Ambivalid’s position in this thread is that he seems to think only physical attractiveness matters in terms of value. furthermore, he seems pissed that he is “undervalued” because he uses a wheelchair. For most adults, other factors such as personality, values, etc. all matter in determining someone’s value as a partner, along with children, age, income or wealth, and health. In other words, yor dating league isn’t just physical attractiveness.
OF COURSE I don’t think physical attractiveness is the only (or even the most) important aspect of a relationship. If that is how you are reading it, I don’t know what to say.
I’m not sure what all the hate is about either. I will say that this quote:
seems odd to me.
I am not interested in dating a woman in a wheelchair. And it has nothing to do with it making her less attractive. To me - I am pretty sure when I saw her - I would see her just as attractive as any other woman sitting down. I also would have no desire to leave a girlfriend if she became disabled after we started going out (ok I am talking about still appears able bodied except for the chair). Does that make 100% sense, perhaps not - but it’s how I feel.
I just don’t get why you phrased it like that. Do you find women in wheel chairs less attractive?
As someone else mentioned - most women I have seen ARE less attractive, but that may be because they aren’t able to exercise/do their makeup, but I am 99% sure that if you have photos of just their face - others would think the same thing. I have seen perfectly good looking women in wheelchairs as well. Usually they are younger. Yes I know that kind of makes me sound like a pig
Maybe it is different for women - and hell for all I know other guys feel differently, but I in no way shape or form find the wheelchair to make a woman less attractive (as in trick me by putting a normal attractive woman in a wheelchair and tell me she is disabled.
Let’s get all the pertinent details out of the way… a bazillion years ago, I might’ve cleaned up to a solid 6. These days, after many kinds of illnesses that I’ve dealt with, I’d be happy to get on the rankings board. That said, I used to be incredibly naive about dating and thought that love conquers all, so almost no one that caught my fancy was off the table. Broke, shorter than me, not so attractive, you name it, I was game if I liked them well enough. And I think if I were still on the market now, I’d feel much the same way, especially if we were friends first.
But I’ve learned a few things over the years. Having been the only caretaker during my husband’s medical issues for going on over two years, that sort of thing is a huge commitment to make. Plus, I can be a huge horndog, so I believe going into a relationship that would be important. However, I could see me giving it the old college try anyway and attempting to not let a lack of sex complicate things or scare me away. But ideally, it would give me pause just from the sheer magnitude of what all would be involved.
Overall and to answer more specifically, I think your handsome, passionate and have proven yourself as capable of growing. That would be enough for me to at least sidle up to you at some place we frequent together and try to feel you out to see if you’d be interested. What happened after that would mainly be up to both our constitutions and desire.
Please tell me what I misread, I’m not seeing it.
Or how what I posted wasn’t relevant, it seems like I’m not alone in thinking it was spot on. I read every word of your explanations/rationalizations but they don’t change that you’re basically asking if 7+ hotness old you, is invisible to 9/10 hotness women, because of your chair.
It’s a little rich for you to call anyone else combative, since you have proudly self identified yourself as an ‘aggressive asshole’ on this very board several times. Or to accuse another of being judgmental, when your OP is all about the pain of no longer being attractive to ‘really hot’ chicks, since you’re in a chair. (And if you always find my every post ‘so tiring to read’ I suggest you skip them in future!)
I’m very sorry that I clearly hit a nerve, I was answering your OP, offering my opinion only. There was nothing, in the slightest combative in what I said, I’m sorry you feel the need to see it that way, simply because it wasn’t what you wanted to hear.
Did you really imagine you could post a topic that heavily involved you rating yourself and potential dates for hotness, and not think someone would come by and mention that as long as you’re stuck in being so judgmental of others appearances you’re likely to feel like you are constantly being judged, entirely on appearance, as well?
No one was being at all combative, and I’m pretty sure you don’t get to direct what posts people choose to respond to. I’m sorry I expressed an opinion that hit all your buttons and set you off. But I wasn’t trying to, I was simply being honest, which you implored us to be.
My opinion was only that, there was no combative subtext, or judgment passing.
I once bartended with a guy who coached the city wheelchair basketball team, he’d come in and round us up to go to the games and cheer the guys on. They were a awesome bunch of guys and really appreciated the support. Of the entire team, probably only 2 or 3 did not have partners. A couple were married, one had a smoking hot girlfriend and one was a complete romeo. He was so charming and warm, we all loved him. And he got more action than the rest of the team combined, even the married guys. Because he was a real sweetheart inside, his girls always wanted to settle down with him but he was having too much fun playing the field!
And that romeo fellow was not nearly as handsome as you are, while athletic not nearly as buff/cut as you. On the other hand he also didn’t proudly self identify as an ‘aggressive asshole’, or judge others/women entirely on appearance, so there’s that.
The only people who care about whether an 9 is dating a 5 are thirteen year old girls, who can be overly judgmental when it comes to appearances. You want to judge others entirely on physical appearance/hotness but you don’t want to be judged by that, because you’re more than that.
Just not seeing how that idea is a misreading of your op, or not relevant, or combative. It’s just a different view than the one you want to see reflected back at you.
This is a very interesting question. My original thought was no - I’d not really be interested in a man in a wheelchair for a long-term relationship. But, honestly, if an interesting man with acceptable looks who happened to be in a wheelchair hit on me, I might just consider it for a short term flirtation or even a one-night thing. In fact, there might even be some perverse interest in seeing exactly how the evening might play out. That is totally shallow, right? That I’d want to “hit that” just for the experience? But there you go. And if the conversation were good, and the sex good, well, I’d probably be up for investing a little more time and maybe making it a real relationship.
So, I guess you have to advertise the chair as an adventure, not a drawback.
I don’t really know your story, like how long you’ve had a chair or what got you there. But I think you need to be realistic that the chair will pull your sex rank down a good 1 to 2 points. Which is not that awful for a man, because there are things you can do to bring it back up - being physically fit is one way. Another is to be wealthy. The 9s and 10s will be interested no matter what if you have the cash.
Anyway, if you are used to pulling the attention of 8s and 9s, realistically the chair means you need to set your sights just a little bit lower. And that cute 7, who maybe you wouldn’t have given a second glance to, might be a really interesting person who will rock your world.
