Oh, jeez, I’m really sorry everyone, I’ll take care of this… Sqrl! Bad squirrel! C’mere! {lunges for Sqrl, who skitters about} Dammit, I’ve told you about this! C’mere, you! {LUNGE!} Ow! Dammit! I’m never letting you off that leash again! {grumbling, looking for broom} How many times do I have to tell Ed to keep an eye on you? Oh, sure - “Buy it for me, Esprix, I’ll take care of him, I promise!” That lasted about a day and a half! {finds broom, looking for bucket} Hey! Stop that! You’ll leave stains! Quit nibbling on him - he’s het! {swings at Sqrl, misses, falls on floor} OOF! Ow! Dammit! {grumbles more, continues looking for bucket} Don’t laugh at me, young man. Oh, sure - “that’s just the sound squirrels make!” Don’t try to tell me, that, boy-o - I know your kind. {finds bucket} Think you can outsmart me, do you? Why I’ll… {lunges, misses, falls again} C’mere, you little bugger… {chases Sqrl around SDMB} Really, guys, I’m really sorry, I’ll have him out of your way… {runs into ChiefScott} Oh, sorry, Chief. Now where did he go? Did you see a little…? Oh, no, never mind, there he is, hiding in the CGI. C’mere, you! {lunges, thwaps Sqrl on rump} Stop laughing at me, dammit! {makes one last desperate lunge with bucket, manages to trap Sqrl, who runs around furiously} GOTCHA! Little pecker. I’m sorry, guys, I’ll just release him back into his natural habitat - you know, duPont Circle or Woody’s or someplace - and he’ll be fine. I promise I won’t let him out of the yard again. {shakes bucket} You’ll get yours when I get home, mister, and don’t think you’ll enjoy it this time! {grumbles, stalks off}
I think I can get up now. Whoa…still a little shaky. Sorry, just a little squeemish there. Happens sometimes. No, no, thanks for the help…awfully nice of you but I think I can stand up by myself. Yes, there we go. The blood is returning to my head as we speak.
Now what was it that Sqrl wrote again? Oh yeah…um…lemme just sit back down for a sec. Um…nnnn…THUNK.
<slowly uncurls from protective fetal position under desk>
For reference: I am not anything other than a male trapped in a male body. <shudders>
Now that I’ve made that clear–I’m quite warped, but also thoroughly and enthusiastically hetero. I demonstrate this at every (all too rare) opportunity.
<flinches at something that might be a squirrel chattering> Ah…could you put something very heavy over that bucket, just in case?
But I will be damned if I will let you laugh at my hairy palms. Yep, I am straight, and have been single a bit to long.
Got to go the electric razor is done charging.
Esprix? You were one of the ones who said the “male lesbian” thing was pretty offensive. I agree. If they want to be a “male lesbian” let them get a sex change. What I described wasn’t even as graphic as sex changes typically get.
but other than that I’m straight as they come. “Hate even the concept of Broadway musicals” straight. “Don’t think figure skating is a sport” straight. “Don’t dance” straight. “Don’t care if the curtains go with the furniture” straight.
Sgt. Hartman: I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around. (Full Metal Jacket)
Is this thread a blatant attempt to hit the maximum number of posts or what? I refuse to contribute… Oh. Too late.
Well, anyway… I’m straight. Actually, straigher than straight. If straight were an infinite line in space, mine would be so straight it would go right through the most powerful gravitational fields without any regard for relativity.
Strangely enough, this becomes a problem for me. Since I find all males (including myself) inherently repulsive, I have a hard time imagining why a woman would be attracted to one. Yet strangely they are. Go figure.
Uh, and folks? Let’s all agree the next person to mention sexual organs and cutting devices in the same sentence must be subjected to the procedure…
Too much trouble, I hate waiting in line, especially at the john. Besides, I would have to ask directions when lost, and you can just forget that! Though, you do make it -so- attractive sounding (shudders and throws up on floor).
Straight and married. Really though, I’ve never seen a male that I thought was attractive, or I guess was attrected to. Although I can tell you if a male is good looking or handsome, in a straight sort of way…I think?
When I worked as waiter in Nashville, I was one of two straight men who worked there, and I guess I fit the look of a stereotypical gay male, and I got hit on alot. It didn’t make me mad, in fact, I took it as a compliment. It is always good to know that not only do some women find you attractive, but that members of my own gender rank me fairly high. I don’t know how relevant that is in this particular thread though.
{sigh} Yes, I agree - referring to oneself as a “male lesbian” is fairly offensive, but although your post was {urk} graphic, I thought you were just being a playful noodge, not trying to make a serious point (I mean, this is a rather pointless thread).
{ahem}
Alright, you ign’rnt straight guys, listen up - you are not “male lesbians.” If you persist, I’ll point neuro-trash grrrl to this thread and she’ll kick your asses. “Straight guy” will suffice.
I am single. I an 18, a sophomore in college in Virginia, and I enjoy . . . well, lots of stuff. I am on the SD people pages, so anyone who wants to see a somewhat old and not terribly representative picture of me can go there.
I am available. I’d prefer someone my age and relatively close to me geographically, but I can always use another friend
: Hey Aud. How YOU doin? (New York Accent)