Not only that, but some people take it as a personal affront when told that you don’t have children, and aren’t interested in having any. I’m a member of a childless-by-choice social group, and we’ve had restaurants refuse to make reservations for our group when told what our group was. I don’t tell everyone I meet that I’m a member of this group; somewhere along the line a personal lifestyle choice got turned into an attack on the basic fundamentals of our society. ( :rolleyes: , if that wasn’t obvious).
This isn’t really all that big a dilemma, because it’s none of their damn business, ever. Unless I bring up the subject they should know not to ask.
I completely disagree with this. My toilet habits, my sexual fantasies, my masturbation, my secret hopes and dreams, my secret resentment against my parents, the size of my penis, my sexual disfunction, that rash in a sensitive spot, my past treatment for mental illness … these are all also just part of who I am.
But, these things are not part of my public persona. It’s exactly the same as whether I might want children in the future or why or why not. It’s a private issue and asking someone, especially someone you don’t know well, shows a reckless disregard for someone’s privacy.
Not to keep beating this particular expired equine, but I’m pretty sure whether or not you want kids some day is not, precisely, the same thing as discussing your bowel movements and masturbatory habits. It may be a sensitive issue to you and for many, but for some it’s no more a “reckless disregard for… privacy” than a question like “what do you want to do when you retire?” or “what sort of car are you thinking about buying?”*
That is too bad, in a lot of ways, and the bit about the restaurant is just… asinine. If a friend told me they didn’t want kids, it would be pretty much the same as if they told me they didn’t want to have a dog, though maybe more understandable ;). No one should ever give you crap about any choice you might make regarding reproduction, and it really is unfortunate that you’ve been treated so badly over the issue that it’s become a completely taboo subject. I’d imagine childless-by-choice is an interesting topic of conversation.
*Both could be seen out of context as nosiness into your financial situation, but the first is just a question about what you’d like to be doing if you had more free time, and the second, well, I might be buying a car soon, too, and want to know what you think about the relative merits and drawbacks of the models you’re considering.
I would find either of these questions odd (perhaps not offensive, but odd) unless I had specifically introduced the topic by saying something about when I retired, I’d like to garden, or gee I hate my current heap.
I guess I’m not possessed of a normal amount of nosiness, but I mostly live by the principle that when people want me to know something about themselves, they’ll tell it to me. And I have no trouble holding down interesting conversations without probing.
Well, yeah. Any of these questions I talk about asking always have some context. I should have specified.
Ok, Ok, I’m late to the party…
“We had one last night. It was delicious. Of course, we’ll be having leftovers for a month, but it was worth it.”
:eek: