I know a lady and she has her life “together” or as together as possible. Nice job(an accountant), nice looks, nice body and college degree.
Anyway she always dates these nerdy types who she runs over. If she dates a stronger type, she can’t stand him. If it matters she was an ex-marine so she does demand order.
I’m a gay male but she says “the only guy I get along with is you, and that’s because you’re not bossy and yet if I’m wrong you’re not afraid to stand up to me and tell me, ‘no look, you’re wrong’.”
So it seems she doesn’t want a man to be all tough and dominant, but being the opposite, a wuss, is just as bad.
But my question to you girls (and I guess guys to) is if a man is a wuss is that something that is a deal breaker and/or a turn off to you.
(I also realize everyone’s definition of a wuss is different, so if you can give a brief description of what a wuss is to you)
(Hetero woman here, so I framed my response in terms of hetero couplings.)
I guess to me, a “wuss” is someone who doesn’t stand up for what’s important to him. I don’t mean that he has to be all macho and growl at any guy who looks at his gal, I mean that he expresses his opinions even if he thinks it’ll annoy the gal. If the guy is always “whatever you want, we’ll do” that’s just… yuck. Please don’t bury your own desires and opinions just for a shot at getting some.
In college I knew a guy who I should have been absolutely drooling over. He was seriously my type, but in discussing him with a female friend, we were both not interested in him at all. Why? He let his girlfriend walk all over him - he catered to her completely, and she treated him like crap, even hit him during an argument (on at least one occasion), and he did nothing.
Burying your opinions reeks of desperation, like the guy is so terrified that the girl will leave him and that he can’t live without that. I want to feel like the guy could live without me but would prefer not to be without her - and trusts in her enough that he doesn’t think giving an opinion on a restaurant or a vacation spot or a political stance will automatically ruin the relationship.
I had a crush on a guy in college who turned out to be a good friend. Since we were friends, I got to hear all about it when he was dumped by his girlfriend. The way he carried on and cried about it, and was an absolute wuss about it…well, it was a huge turn off. We’re still friends and 10 years later he’s still a big weenie when it comes to his girlfriend.
I don’t want to be totally dominated by some drill sergeant type guy, but I also don’t want a son. I want an equal.
Someone who doesn’t believe they deserve to be treated with respect is a problem for me. I can’t date a man who is a bully or a doormat.
Yes, it’s a deal-breaker.
I kind of date wusses. Well, not wusses, but my boyfriends tend not to be the most dominant people in the world. I am a pretty quiet person myself, but I know myself, have my life together, and know what I want. But somehow I always end up with guys who have some dependent qualities. I think there is a mutual attraction- they are attracted to someone with a strong personality, and I am attracted to someone who pretty much lets me do my thing.
Whatever. Guys dated self-effacing women all the time, and nobody gives them shit about it.
Equality is what I look for in the people I date. I don’t want someone who will walk all over me; I don’t want someone who will let me walk all over them. I want someone who will argue with me when they think they are right (or when they think I’m wrong). I certainly do not want a “Yes Man” who will tell me what he thinks I want to hear. Understand, though, that I’m not looking for someone who argues for the sake of arguing… just someone who puts honesty and problem resolution ahead of false harmony.
Yes, it is a deal breaker and a turn off. I am attracted to a man who is at least as domineering as I am, and not attracted to men who are less so. If I collapse, then things seem very bad at least to me and I need somebody to take over at that point, not to come and flounder in the miasma of despair with me. I can do that without help.
It would not surprise me if her string of wusses was related to her profession, though. Really dominant, alpha male accountants are not exactly thick on the ground, except possibly in the Marine Corps. Maybe she shoudl take up being an expert witness so she can meet some,er, nice trial lawyers.
Being a wuss is a deal breaker for me. I’m a very strong, very independant person and I want the same qualities in my partner. I need someone who knows their own mind and more importantly is going to voice their opinions. Because I have such a strong personality it is very easy for me to dominate a relationship, especially with someone who is always willing to just go along for the ride. I don’t want to always be the person in control, so dating a wuss is not going to work in my favor.
This. My husband has strong opinions and all, which I like, but he also respects me and doesn’t try to tell me what to do. He’s not going to let me run over him, though, and that’s important to me too. We’re a team, and that helps both of us, because we balance each other and point out things the other has missed. All that stuff.
I don’t think any woman wants a wuss. I’m sure my definition of wuss doesn’t vary too greatly from anyone else’s. You know, weak, walked all over, etc. I’m sure for some women it may be generally a turn off, but may be something they’re willing to deal with in the face of other factors, like the way I deal with the spouse snoring like a Harley. For me, being a wuss is a dealbreaker. Can’t do it. It’s pathetic, annoying, and I can’t take the guy seriously or respect him if he has no cajones.
I think we need to consider the difference between being a wuss and being easy-going. Bith my husband and I are pretty easygoing, take what you will kind of people. But my husband is not a wuss, and is not someone to take injustice lightly (i.e. he will stand up for himself if needed).
There is a difference between not caring where you go to dinner, and letting someone walk all over you.
Well, I want someone who’s my equal. I don’t want to have to lead him by the hand, I don’t want to have to keep my mouth shut in order to “keep the peace.”
So yeah, I guess you can say that wusses are out. Momma’s boys and Macho-Macho-Men too (then again, these tend to disqualify themselves by wanting submissive women).
