I don’t care what everyone else does. You’re asking someone to take time out of THEIR life to come take part in your elaborate ceremony, sometimes travel a long distance. And then you’re going to ask them to pay for the clothes YOU decided on too?! Come on! ALL of the attendants clothes should be paid for by whoever is paying for the rest of the wedding. PERIOD.
My first marriage was a big elaborate one. Paid for by the bride’s parents mostly. 5 groomsmen, 5 bridesmaids. All the tuxes and dresses were paid for by either myself or the bride’s parents. It’s horribly tacky to ask them to pay for their own clothes. They didn’t ask to be a part of this!!! On top of that, I got them all traditional groomsmen gifts as well. Getting them a gift is not a compensation for having them pay for their own rentals. If you’re getting them a gift of the same monetary value…then you should just pay for their rental and call it good.
I’ve been a groomsmen SEVERAL times and and usher SEVERAL times. I’ve been asked to be the best man in my friend’s SECOND wedding. This most recent one is the only time I’ve been expected to pay for my own…and he chose a $220 tux!!! RIDICULOUS. The worst part is…I didn’t know I was paying until I went to get fitted…two weeks before the wedding. Had I been told up front I would have declined to take part. I don’t base my FAMILY budget around paying for parts of other peoples’ weddings. One should ALWAYS budget for paying for the rentals. Can’t afford it? Pick cheaper attire or cut the number of attendants. Guess what? You’re still just as married as my wife and I (second marriage) who paid $50 to get married from a JP.
It’s not an honor to be asked to be in a wedding…it’s a pain in the butt. I have to burn an entire weekend now…and what do I get out of it? $220 poorer and have nothing to show for it.
Man up and do the RIGHT thing. Pay for everything. No one should pay anything to come to your wedding. You’re inviting them to share in your experience…not share your costs.
The problem is that people usually get married and have these big weddings when they’re very young and just starting out on their own. To worsen it, their peers are all around the same age and weddings start to happen en masse. I remember getting invited to our 12th the year after we all graduated from college, and we had no money left for a gift without going into debt.
After living through the excesses of the 80s and 90s, I like the trend toward simplicity. I’ve been to a barn wedding and backyard wedding in recent years, and both were as lovely as any church wedding I’ve been to.
So while I won’t go as far as saying that it’s tacky, I think a lot of us have come around to seeing the folly of spending a fortune on weddings. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter if the groomsmen having matching tuxes, or if there is real silverware on the table.
If you are close to the groom, maybe have a talk with him and get him to change his mind about having you all wear the same thing
I admit, I’m not married, never been a groomsman, and am usually socially out of bounds. But why does everyone have to match? Its a guy’s suit, they all look the same, so talk to the guy and try to convince him to let you wear something else. If its coming from the bride, talk to her as well. Tell her its tacky to force people you barely know to spend a lot for something that will last only a few hours (the wedding, not the marriage). I don’t think raising your complaints is bad form at all, you’re the one spending a ton of useless money. I think any sane groom or bride should be able to sit down and listen to their friends concerns with an open mind
And no, I don’t think they shouldn’t be bothered just because they’re probably thinking about a million other wedding prep stuff. This is important too. So feel free to add that to their plate. In fact, if they agree, it would totally remove one source of conflict from their wedding and make it go smoother
If I ever get married, god forbid, my directions will be simple: Wear something nice, the end
My nephew got married in the spring or very early summer. The bride wore her mother’s wedding gown. Nephew wore a suit. Bridesmaids wore khaki skirts and each wore a different pastel colored sweater set. Groomsmen wore identical medium blue dress shirts and khaki slacks. They’re still just as married as if everyone wore more formal attire.
Not necessarily: my brother turned into an alien about age 15 and didn’t come back to his usual low-Earth-orbit until he became a father.
But that doesn’t mean I could afford to say “fuck that shit, I’m NOT going to spend the banquet playing host to a table that’s half-family, half Dad’s business contacts that my sister in law needs a lot more than she thinks! I’m sitting with people my age!” It means that if I’d done that, I still wouldn’t have heard the end of it…