I lost my job last February and went into a kind of hermit like existance for 6 months, and didn’t fully come out of it until alot of drama happened and it culminated in my uncle getting involved and then my dad dragging me to live with him on the other side of England.
(I do a college course and work, that’s it.)
Since then, I’ve been coming to a realization in my life, I just feel unmotivated by anything, I’ve become really lazy and it’s getting hard to motivate myself to do anything, or better yet, apathetic, all I do after maybe work or school is just sit around on the computer all day, and when I get a job I dislike or even hate, after a while I just get used to it and stuck in a rut, I find even that hard to motivate me to get out of a hole. I just seem majorly bored with everything. trips to the pub don’t interest me much, going out in general doesn’t either, although I would love to travel abroad or live abroad. I’ve been like this mostly for a long time though, is there something wrong with me, or are some people just do this?
I’m just trying to be open and even though I may sound selfish or conceited, I don’t mean to be, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on in my head.
Agree that a trip to the GP wouldn’t hurt. To break out of a rut will usually take a multi-pronged approach - one common factor from people I’ve seen do it is exercise.
I’m not saying that going for a run 3 times a week will solve all your problems, at all, but it can be a powerful structuring force, and a very positive one, in getting back on track.
I’d say at least you’ve got us, but I’m not really sure thay you’re enjoying us.
The advice so far sounds like a good place to start. It might also be profitable to daydream a bit about things that you might like to do, but haven’t though about because they don’t sound reasonable. At this point finding anything motivating would be a plus.
It sounds like life has sucked for you, and one defense mechanism is to become a hermit. It could also be an anxiety reaction, avoiding anxious circumstances. If you’ve been auto-motivated, or motivated by others in the past, maybe you need to learn a new way to motivate yourself. I’ve had big disappointments in my life that made me retract into my shell, but something new, or sometimes just anger, brings me out. So there’s probably something for you to do to break through by yourself.
If the idea of being one of those weird old guys who has no friends and never leaves his house does not scare you a little, you’re fine.
If that idea did scare you a little, you need to change your life, and for G-d’s sake do it now while you are still young. Get out of the house for something other than work/school/alcohol at least once a week. I don’t care if it’s rock-climbing, bingo, or just going to whatever self-help meeting happens to be closest to your house, but get out.
Attempt one new thing. Or attempt one thing that you liked, but haven’t done in a while.
It’s not a cure, but it could be a start.
So much stuff has happened to me in 2010 (and 90% has been not good, “not good” - it’s been f *****) but I found by taking just one step in a positive direction helps.
As I said, it’s not a cure. But it may lead you to believe in yourself.
You go to school and work and you call that being a hermit? School and work for me are more than enough time spent outside the house. I don’t think I could handle any more than that.
It’s hard to just “jolly” your way out of depression. It’s a combination of screwed-up brain chemistry and behavior patterns that reinforce each other. Fixing it often requires a two-pronged attack involving both meds and counseling. But it IS fixable.
I like being by myself. Usually, I do my job and then come home and play computer. This is pretty much everyday life. I don’t have much in the way of friends, although I am married. There are people I can call for help if I am in trouble, but by and large, I do not have any close relationships now. I am very cautious in meeting people because some people are not good people, and others whom I form a relationship which turns very negative in the end, spawning resentments and desires of violence. Getting out and meeting some people might be good advice for some, but disasterous for others.
I think wanting to be alone, being a loner, and being someone with little or no friendships is seen as a negative and a bad thing by the society at large, which I think is wrong. I like being by myself. I get to set my own schedule and do what I want to do. Being a hermit is fine, if this is what you want, although I think sitting in your house with the shades drawn is not very healthy.
How many people have gone to prison or experienced great troubles from having too many friendships and bad relationships? How many are sitting in dank cells wishing that they never met such and so, or this that and the other?
While I agree that being a loner isn’t a bad thing, that isn’t what the OP is worried about. He’s worried about being unmotivated. That’s different from being a loner because some loners can accomplish a lot through work or hobbies.
As for my advice to the OP, the best thing you can do is see a therapist. Therapy isn’t just for people with mental illnesses. Anyone who has a problem in their life can benefit from speaking with someone who has a lot of experience and clinical knowledge about that problem. Way more effective than your average barber or cab driver.
Keep in mind that a lot of the suggestions in this thread for getting out of your rut might not work for you and they don’t work for a lot of people in your position. People can tell you things that might get you out of your rut, like exercise, going outside, and making friends, but the obvious problem is that you’re not motivated enough to do them.
Keep in mind that at least you know what you must do in order to get back your motivation. Now you just have to figure out how to do it. My suggestion is to be realistic about what you’re willing to do and then take baby steps. Don’t assume that you can walk into a bar and walk away with 5 new friends. Think of something simple you can do to get your life on track, and if you can’t do that, think of something even simpler.
You know what you are willing to do better than anyone else, so it’s up to you to come up with innovative solutions to get around your lack of motivation. Getting to a therapist should be your first step. If you can’t do that then I would suggest you post the reasons why you can’t and we’ll help you get around them.
I thought depression was just feeling blue all the time, I didn’t know it was a mindset as well as an attitude towards things.
When I moved here, I did exercise for a while, then it tapered off, it’s worrying me that I cannot be bothered to do most of the what’s considered normal things, that most other people can do
As for the Hermit thing, you’re right, I’ve been doing it for so long I’ve become used to it, especially after I got fired.
It’s not just a mindset. It’s your brain chemistry being out of whack … which leads to a particular mindset … which reinforces the bad brain chemistry. It’s a vicious cycle that’s hard to break, because even if you try to “think happy thoughts” the messed-up chemistry of your brain is constantly dragging you down.
This is a classic symptom of depression. It’s not just “feeling blue”. It’s feeling like life is empty and pointless and there’s no pleasure in anything you do.
I am not a psychologist. You should seek professional medical help. But my wife has suffered from depression for years and I know what it looks like from the outside. And what you’re describing sounds a lot like depression.
(BTW, in my wife’s case, going on anti-depressants was a lifesaver. They gave her the breathing room to change her life and patterns of thought. And once she had made those changes it turned out she didn’t need the medication any more.)
Depression can also involve loss of enjoyment in anything and very muted emotions; it’s not just a deep sadness. In fact, my experiences with depression are more often like that rather than constant sadness.
I’m here to add my voice to those saying it sounds like depression. It can just suck the life right out of you (believe me, I know). Go see your doctor and maybe s/he can help. IIRC, you’re an attractive young man (How you doin’? ;)) with a lot going for you. I’ve learned to get help ASAP because you can’t get back the time you lose to the disease.