I can point out a couple of things that could be turn offs, but only if you have some interest in me taking the time.
You don’t mind if I add a few comments, do you? 
First, the photos… grainy and not flattering. Get better ones. Not glamour shots but something with better lighting and nicer light.
Next…
Blah, blah, blah. You’ve lost pretty much everyone here. Do you really care if your prospective mate know who this Harvey fellow is? You’ve failed to impress and managed to put people off with your opening.
You’re preaching to the choire and stating the obvious. Lose this.
It’s not enough to say your creative or mischevious. Demostrate it in some way. How are you creative? In what way/medium?
More meaningless tripe. Everybody says this or that they hate their job.
Not a bad thing to let people know but of limited value. One person’s left is another person’s right, if you know what I mean.
Superfluous. Get rid of it.
Are you shooting for mediocrity here? You couldn’t sound less average if you tried… wait, is that what you’re trying for?
Say you enjoy pool, darts, skiing and singing… you don’t need to tell people that you suck at it right up front. Let them figure that out on their own as they get to know you in person.
[QUOTE=elmwood]
Superficially: 5’10", 170-175 pounds, short brown/black hair, and what are probably the biggest blue eyes on the East Side. I’m trying to lose 10-15 pounds. Not a hunk, but nobody has been embarrassed to show me off to her friends. (Sorry to disappoint you, but my profile does not include any photos of me posing in front of my car or house, flexing shirtless in front of a mirror, or standing arm-in-arm with an old girlfriend.)
More mediocrity plus the parenthesis part screams, “Chip on my shoulder!”. Lose it all.
“New here” is good. “Need a tour guide”, bad.
Good. Let people know what you’re looking for.
Bad. You’re coming across as judgemental. Think it, but don’t advertise it. Filter the less desireable ones on your own. Don’t be negative if you can at all help it.
Don’t talk down to people or come across as a superior jerk. How would you like to have to justify what makes you better than that 27 year old, handsome, triathlete stock broker right above you? Lose this whole section pronto.
'Kay, there you go.
It needs a bit of updating; my weight is a little less, my hair is a little longer, I don’t do dive instruction any more (and despite pretensions, I haven’t written for profit yet), the list of books has definitely changed, et cetera, but the basic stuff is all the same, so I’ll leave it be, complete with lousy pictures in all their leering, Frankensteinain glory
(Note to mods: I’m not trying to solicit dates here, but if this is in violation of policy, I apologize in advance and feel free to delete the link.)
Stranger
FWIW, I’d introduce you to an available female friend.
Yowsa.
That is a great personal ad. Seriously. It’s funny. It’s individual. It’s very positive.
(If I say you’re cute does this become a flirt thread? Sorry.)
Hmmm…somehow, this isn’t helping. 
Ego-boosting 
, but not problem-resolving.
What’s wrong with the ad? Where’s the deal breaker? What’s the turn-away?
Stranger
A good picture is good. A better picture is even better. Again… not glamour shot but something rugged or with interesting lighting but still clearly you.
Format of your add doesn’t seem to lend itself well to your sense of humour. Some people need to say as little as possible, you my friend, need room to type. Perhaps a new on-line dating venue? Match.com seems to be one of the more popular ones without a specific bent towards one or another extreme.
I don’t see a problem with the ad. There might be a problem with where the ad is. Your particular site might not be the best match for you.
I’d be very careful with too aggressive emailing. I wanted to exchange a few emails with someone before there was any hint of things going beyond the very safe world of text. Guys who replied to my ad with “When can we meet?” pushed past my comfort zone. They could be great guys, but I was skittish. I think that would still be true.
My preference tended to be for initial emails that were short and generally breezy.
"Hey, I saw your ad and loved the fact that you mentioned X. X is underrated/great/interesting/fascinating/pink. [Insert witty comment.]
"My profile is here. You can get an idea what I’m all about and maybe write back if you’re interested. I promise to keep discussions of [insert something from her profile that she doesn’t like] to a minimum.
"Regards,
“Stranger”
Only, don’t sign it “Stranger.”
Use the information in her profile to start the discussion. She doesn’t need your profile spoonfed to her. If she’s not motivated enough to go read your profile, she’s not motivated enough to make a new relationship work.
These are, of course, merely my opinions.
You didn’t specically ask for feedback, but since you included the link, I am guessing you are open to some suggestions. I agree with most everything Quick Silver said. But I did like the:
I’m a city person by nature, yet I enjoy outdoor adventures and the beauty of the (here) region.
But there are several parts I really feel you need to change:
(Sorry to disappoint you, but my profile does not include any photos of me posing in front of my car or house, flexing shirtless in front of a mirror, or standing arm-in-arm with an old girlfriend.)
Why are you mentioning your ex girlfriend? You say, " Sorry to disappoint you, but there is no picture of me with my arm around my ex girlfriend." What is that about? That would send a warning flag to me that you weren’t quite over her yet.
The common interest part would be a great match for me, (not that it matters, I am married, but I am just saying…) , but I wouldn’t respond to you because the part is sense of humour would scare me:
“I’m not bitter because I’m single. Quite the opposite.”
What does that mean? How is that part of a sense of humor. If that is meant as sarcastic, then it would scare me that you are bitter. I think that line might weed too many out. I actually love a dry sense of humor, but considering the subject matter, I don’t think that is a good example of one.
And: "However, you aren’t foo-foo kountry krafty, pining for an ex, or infested with cooties. You don’t have to be Barbie, but I’m not attracted to women who are larger than me.
Yes, you probably love life, work hard and play hard, don’t play games, love to laugh, are comfortable in both jeans and evening wear, and like candlelit dinners and long romantic walks along moonlit beaches. That’s great, but I want to know about the real you, and what makes you different from the woman in the profile above yours."
I also think those sound condesending. I am not any of those things, and agree with your dislike of them, but the way you say it sounds bad.
And get another picture. I know you are much better looking than that picture. Get a friend, and 5 rolls of film. Go somewhere outside, and take many, many, many pictures. For every one picture you see of a model in a magazine, 5 rolls of film were shot to get that one great picture. Do the same for yourself. The pictures do matter. I am sure they matter to you. Put a bettter one in your profile.
I hope none of this sounds harsh. I just think you are doing your self a disservice by what you have in your profile. I know you are a great guy with lots to offer a lucky girl. But that doesn’t come across. The problem isn’t that YOU aren’t in the top % of the guys the women are picking from, the problem is that YOUR PROFILE isn’t in the top %. You aren’t giving these women a chance to see what a great guy you are.
Yeah, the pictures kind of suck, espeically the front-on one that shows my lopsided smile (stupid maniac cocker spaniels.) I’ll get Miss Moneypenny to take some better shots of me when she’s here…maybe under the Golden Gate Bridge or some other dramatic backdrop.
I had one of me wearing a kilt, but took it down. It seemed a bit much, perhaps, even if it did show of me manly runner legs. 
Funny you should say that, because the last service I used was Match.com and I got almost no response at all, despite sending out several hundred messages. It was to a point that I was wondering if the account was actually working when I started getting propositioned by former East Bloc women. (I mean, they lived it the former East Bloc, not that they were formerly women. At least, not so far as I know.) I don’t have anything against Czechs–I understand they have a high percentage of attractive lasses–but I wasn’t looking for a mail-order bride.
I’ve pretty much exhausted the local selection on SSN, save for one really attractive redhead whose profile I keep looking at but who is way out of my league to be sure. I did notice that, not having updated it in a while, the age bracket I have currently selected (25-35) is out of sync, and I should probably open it up to something more like 27-40 (I’m 33) but other than that and the previously mentioned updates, I’m not quite certain what else to put in. I mean, I could put in my “And Still Yet Again Another Modest Proposal” or “Why It isn’t A Good Idea To Swim In The Milwaukee River During Summerfest” articles as an example of my (sometimes questionable) sense of humor, but it’s supposed to be a dating profile, not a writing portfolio.
Someone mentioned (earlier) speed dating, with which I had a singularly rotten experience. That’s probably more me than the method, but I’m rather at a loss as to how to hook up with someone with whom I do fit. Occasionally, I try to talk to girls between shows at the local cinema revival house I frequently attend (figuring that at least we have the movie-freak thing in common) but that never works, and the only women who show up at Linux LUGs and so forth are already spoken for six ways from zero.
Anyway, I seemed to have completely hijacked this thread from the OP. Sorry about that, lad. Thank you, though, for the responses and input.
Stranger
Well, I’ll reiterate again for the final and last time and then shut up about it… A picture is worth a thousand words - It’s up to you to a large extent what those words might be. Spend a little time/money to get a really good few if you have to. I like the GG bridge idea. The kilt idea is even better. Get it taken on a foggy day on a grassy hill if you can. Adds to the drama.
I suspect that once you get that sorted, the profile content will be a cinch for you.
Good luck.
I goofed. There should be a question in here somewhere so that if she likes the email and likes your profile she has something to say instead of “Um, hi.”
Say, for example, that she mentioned in her profile that she loves Pink Floyd. You reply that you really enjoy Pink Floyd (if that’s true) and you ask which is her favorite album. She reads your email, reads your profile, likes what she sees, and then has a specific question to answer that isn’t “Wanna cyber?” (Do people even still use that phrase? I’m getting old.)
Let me make a few constructive comments about your page:
Pretty much sums up your page - ordinary. You want to find something that makes you stand out.
Seems pretty broad
Basically average height, average weight, average guy
How’s that working out for you? Being clever. Well keep it up then - Tyler Durden (Fight Club)
Funny is good but you make yourself sound like a sarcastic wise-ass. Not usually a turn on.
“Partner in crime” is kind of a hackneyed expression. I’m willing to also bet that most people don’t know who Harvey Pekar is.
This makes you sound like a hippy or something.
This makes you sound lazy and ambitious.
I don’t know any women who find any combination of these words appealing.
Hey…why not let her find out how much man you are once you meet? No sense selling yourself like a fat guy.
This just sounds petty and critical. Try to focus on what you are looking for, not what you aren’t.
This also sounds like you are being overly critical and sarcastic.
Basically, the sense I get from your profile is about an average guy who’s somewhat smug and sarcastic who’s unreasonibly picky about women.
Whether this is really you or not, you don’t want to convey this image in your profile.
Online dating is a crock. I love your numbers by the way, some good thought went into this. My personal hypothesis is hardly even fleshed out.
I am by no means the best looking guy. I am a bit short (5’9), stocky, bald, and I look much younger than I really am. Which means generally it isn’t ok to date the women interested, and the older women assume I am too young. I have tried several of the Dating servies. Match.com, American Singles, Friend finder, Yahoo personals, matchmaker.com, cupidwhatever, and a few other such as Lavalife, etc. I have payed hundreds of dollars in monthly fees and wrote thousands of emails. I always post a picture or two(same one that is linked to my “home page”), and always write coherant and informative profiles with some humor in them.
In years of online dating, I have had no dates, and only a handful of actual responses. To put this in perspective. I have had girls come up to me and initiate interest in person, which IMO is pretty rare. This doesn’t happen online, in fact the opposite happens. I get no interest whatsoever. I am not picky in the least, in fact I tend to ignore the pretty girls, and go for the average girls, though I do prefer the nerdy types. Even these girls ignore me.
It is all about selection. In the offline world, you only come in contact with a few people, so you get the “rat in a cage” effect. That is the coined term in which you find somebody attractive you normally might not because you are in an environment that allows it. In the online world, you have access to thousands of guys (assuming you are female, which is the deciding factor here) to choose from. My guess is that a person assumes they have a chance, since he or she is online, and in the situation of having lots of choices, she ignores all but the best, rather than the most likely.
It is like those game shows in which the contestant has 100,000 dollars they will win, no problem. Probably more money than they have ever had at one time, but will chance it all away for the bigger amount. Online dating is all about greed. Girls want the best catch, and if aint him, you are out of luck.
Obviously, opinions differ on this. My personal experience and that of several friends has been quite the opposite.
Sociologically speaking (can one do that? )People tend to date within their peer group but often will try for one step above. When I say peer group, I mean within their financial, educational/intellectual, physical attributes stratta. Women and men tend to do that to pretty much the same degree. So if you’re shooting for the moon and it’s not working then it’s because the odds are stacked against you. If you are being realistic and it’s not working, it’s because you probably need to refine your approach.
I registered on an online dating site a couple of weeks ago. I made it clear that I was a bad “catch” and feel incapable of any sort of commited relationship, but being a friendly guy I am willing to go out with anyone that is good company because I like to have fun. I included no photo, no reference to my salary or any other form of self-aggrandisement. So far I have received 9 replies and am negotiating a night out with two. Seems painless to me - I contact no-one and they contact me.
With all due respect don’t ask, you live in Australia. It’s a captive audience. It’s you or the kangaroos! 
Kidding of course… good luck!
Of course she’ll go for the “best,” but what the “best” is isn’t necessarily what you think it is. Some women undoubtedly would only pick out the men who make a bajillion dollars and look like models. There are women like this everywhere.
I don’t know if women are still getting inundated, but if they are, they’re looking for something in the message you sent that makes you stand out. What will make you stand out will be different for different women, but I would guess that a majority would not like certain things: cynicism, bragging, endless talking/writing about yourself, or whining.
I am absolutely not saying that you’re doing any of these things, but a ton of the ads I’ve seen men put up do all of them.
Heh. At least you’re in your field tho’. When my brother was working on his Aerospace PhD (1993-2003, he took the indirect route), there was a popular bumper sticker that read “Why, yes, I am a rocket scientist. Would you like fires with that?”.
Argh, the link doesn’t work for me. (if it wasn’t blatently obvious before, it’s gotta be now, that I’m just dyin’ to check out Stranger. )
But, I do second the idea of not asking to meet in the very first email. My most successful dates have always started with a short, witty “feeler” type email. Then after a few (but only a few, I don’t like to message forever, it sets up unrealistic expectations and can make the first meeting awkward) exchanges, I usually suggest meeting somewhere. (for me, it’s always a pub because I’m more loquacious when I’ve had a beer)
I think the women are more worried about wombats…eats, roots and leaves.