A wife asks her husband how his day went. He replies “Great!, me and good ole Jim each caught three fish - big ones too. We shot some cans and ran into Buddy on the way back from the beer store. It was good seeing Jim. We have known each other since high school.”
The wife asks “How is Jim’s wife?”.
The husband answers: “How am I supposed to know that?”.
My fiancee often complains that I talk too much meaning that I speak at all. Our ratio is about 1000 to 1 words but I make them count. She blabbers about nothing. I usually tell her to just me know when she is done so that we can focus on the important things. Men don’t tend to care about other people’s relationships or what they are doing. That is the reason the busybodies in every neighborhood are almost invariably women.
In this “me too” era, an older male has to be exceptionally careful around how he is perceived around scantily clad female coworkers. It’s best not to get into personal conversations with them.
One thing I’ve told the other departments that if they have an issue involving something that needs fixed, ask one of us maintenance guys. So say something involving their house or car etc… one of us would know how to fix it.
So I’ve seen this meme of “women natter on all the time and men can’t get a word in edgeways” come up a few times in this thread now, and science says you’re all wrong. Women talk less (in mixed gender situations), but it seems like more because we’re biased to think men should be taking up more of the verbal space. Also here. Some studies say it evens out over all conversations but that’s because women talk more to each other than men talk to each other. Women also get interrupted more, and men do more interrupting.
So, I’m a guy. If Point Stret Tavern has a band, I’m thinking we’ll go there Saturday. Sunday I really should pull the boat out of the water for the season.
There are people at work who I’ll discuss my weekend with and ask about theirs. Then there’s one woman in particular who I will not ask, because she’ll over share and tell me sick shit I don’t need to know.
Very interesting thread!
I was a stay at home dad for nine years. Raised two from babies to elementary school age. Being self conscious of my ‘non-traditional’ role made me keenly sensitive to what was going on around me in social settings. One of the first things I noticed was that hardly any women would talk to me. It was really uncomfortable at school functions or daycare events during the day where oftentimes I was the only adult male in attendance. I felt my presence was an intrusion. The women had to alter their conversations. When women did speak to me the first question was invariably ‘Where’s their mother?’ I always felt like saying, ‘She died in the fire.’ (That’s what I’d say to another man, anyway).
Anyway…I think men AND women have difficulty talking to each other because we don’t have a lot of practice at it. Women prefer talking to women and men like talking to men.
It’s as simple as that.
<Just got here and didn’t read all of the responses so sorry if repeating>
The situation in the OP is very common. It’s just a matter of lacking certain social skills, which tends to be more common in men.
I myself am a reformed “social idiot”.
If someone asks about my life, I might go on something of a tangent for a minute before something kicks in in my mind and reminds me I need to reciprocate, and ask about the other person. This is something I have had to train myself to do.
And it’s not because I don’t care about the other person – when they share their situation, I am usually interested to hear about it, and if they are going through something I can give advice or offer help – it’s just that I wouldn’t have thought to ask if it wasn’t a behaviour that I’ve drilled into myself.
Because I was raised by a mother who gave the extremely strong impression that answering personal questions would do her irreparable emotional damage, and a father who adored me as long as I was continuously amusing and witty, I have had to teach myself, painfully, how to ask people social questions. I was made afraid to ask anything personal, and was strictly trained to tell entertaining stories about myself, only. Invariably after a social encounter is over I am sure that I over-talked and under-asked. It is very hard to change this.
I believe that, in western cultures, the combination of the adamant rule for men to never be vulnerable, and the deeply inculcated male sense of superiority to women, is what causes most gendered conversational imbalance, however.
This can be true even with friends, let alone work colleagues. I have friends I go cycling with. Some of them are quite old friends but I only see them two or three times a month on bike rides. Often when I get home, my wife will ask “So, how was X? What have he and his wife been up to?”
And I’ll have to admit that I have no idea, because although we talked, we really only talked about the stuff we were actually doing at the time, how wet and muddy the trail was, how so-and-so nearly crashed back there, etc etc. Personal stuff? No idea. Meanwhile when my wife goes to catch up with friends, she will find out the full history of everything they have done, seen and experienced over the past week.
And on edit I see that I am basically the subject of the joke that Shagnasty quoted
Guy here. Yeah, it’s a guy thing. I enjoy talking with people but often find that other guys, while perfectly willing to talk about themselves if asked, won’t ask questions of their own.
I’ve actually experienced the opposite, on dates. I’m usually very interested in learning about a potential romantic partner - the things they enjoy, their passions, their family, etc. And then hardly a query from her, as if there was zero interest. As for business associates, I tend to keep them, both men and women, at arm’s length. I tend to not ask more personal questions about their life and family beyond the requisite “how was your weekend” type of things. But being single, I’m always asked about what I did, who I went out with, where we went. I think they like to live vicariously through me. LOL
Is it a ‘girl thing’ that women are always oversharing personal things I don’t really worry about and asking questions of me that are none of their business?
This is partly gentle mockery and mostly wondering why a female who heard second hand I was seeing someone completely unknown to my circle started asking her age, job, appearance, family,; things I didn’t even know yet. My answers got shorter and when I asked her not to ask what I felt were personal questions, her feelings were hurt, which did make me feel bad. A little.
