Is This Just Petty and Mean?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

A few minutes ago, my intercom buzzes and I answer it. It’s my downstairs neighbors asking if I’ll babysit the other downstairs neighbor’s kids tonight. I said that I didn’t know what our plans would be, so I couldn’t say. He says that he ran into my husband at the shopping center and my husband said it would probably be okay. Well, then if you asked my husband then I say my husband would be the one to babysit, not me. I could tell they thought I was an evil bitch, esp. since I know that this is the couple’s last weekend in Germany & last chance to see the Castle illumination, but frankly I am sick and tired of taking care of everybody else’s problems.

It also bugs me to no end when people buzz my intercom to have a conversation with me instead of walking upstairs. I know I live on the fourth floor, but when I want to talk to them, I walk my behind all the way downstairs. It’s not like they are just buzzing to see if I’m home (understandable), they expect me to carry on a conversation like that.

And if they wanted me to babysit, why didn’t the neighbor’s ask themselves? If they aren’t comfortable enough with asking me, then they really shouldn’t be comfortable with me watching their kids. Plus, it’s so last minute.

Also, is it so wrong to have a night to myself? Normally, I’m happy to help out all that I can, but lately my life has been a mess, and I don’t feel up to doing a whole lot.

Oops. This is longer than I thought. I just wanted some perspective, since I’m not quite sure whether I’m being reasonable or not.

2

Tatertot, I am sure that you are willing to help out most anytime.

As to how you should feel, it is your life. If you are tired or just don’t feel like babysitting, then you should not feel guilty. You did not make the offer, but even if you did, if you started feeling bad, it is your perogative to change your mind.

Jeffery

3

I also think you got the right idea - if the spousal unit said it would be okay, then the spousal unit gets the honors. My ex pulled shit like that for about five minutes, until he got wise to the fact that if he volunteered without asking me he’d be on his own.

The intercom stuff… well, I think my answer would be, “yeah, I’m home, feel free to come on up and chat a while” and then not talk to them on the damn thing again.

4

This affirms the old adage: Give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile.
You haven’t done or thought anything wrong. This twit shouldn’t have said that she saw your hubby and he said it would be okay. She’s trying to corner you into being the sitter for the night.
You hit it on the head…you hubby should be the sitter.

I’ve done the exact same thing to my wife…my lovely bride did have plans…so, I got saddled with the job I said my wife would do.

I know…I’m a putz.

5

I don’t think you were wrong at all, tatertot. If I’m at work, thinking about going home, kicking back and relaxing and generally having a nice, quiet evening all to myself, I don’t like any last minute requests on my time. If you’re looking forward to quiet time (thinking about just sitting in the tub with a book or sitting outside in the sun -whatever) the last thing you want are kids over who are going to demand your attention and take away that peaceful time.

As for the intercom thing - keep tin foil or paper handy. If they want to continue talking, start wadding it up, complain of static and slowly talk more and more softly into it as if there’s something wrong with it and you’re fading out. If it’s important, they’ll come to the door. :wink:

6

I just got off the phone with Mr. Tot and he says he didn’t tell them it would be okay, he said that he didn’t know and to ask me. Grrrr.

Self righteous rant: I would never, ever ask any one to babysit with two hours notice unless it was a bona-fide emergency. Not even my parents. Whatever happened to planning ahead? What are these people thinking? Do they just suddenly remember, “Oh shit, we have kids, better get someone to watch them.”?

Amulet: Although Hubby may be innocent this time, believe me he’s done stuff like that before. Usually it involves preparing complicated & time consuming dishes for potlucks. I think he got the message the time he promised to bring home made eggrolls and wound up taking chips and store bought dip. :wink:

7

I never had conversations through intercoms, but i would call a neighbor who lives upstairs rather than trot upstairs. Climbing stairs hurts my knees. It also hurts my hubby’s knees. We live on the ground floor so we don’t climb stairs more than need be.

I have never ask a neighbor for a favor that had to be done that day. I would only ask a friend on that short notice if it were literally an emergency. Afterward I would be sure to thank them profusely, including a nice gift. The only reason I can see for asking a neighbor to babysit without notice would be a bonafide emergency, like needing to take someone to the emergency room. Someone who told me my husband said something that he did not who be given the cold shoulder from then on out. I cannot stand lies.

I have been pretty lucky with neighbors. The only favors I have been asked to do were to drive one to school and to call the police. The one I drove to school had missed the bus on a day it was so cold I was surprised that they had school. I am glad she had the sense not to walk. She asked me because my husband was a substitute teacher back then and there was a chance he would be going there anyway.

The neighbor I called the police for had no phone and her ex was just out of prison and trying to get into her apartment. He was cursing loudly and I came out into the hallway and said if he was going to be loud and curse, I would call the police. She asked me to and I did. I was frightened as all get out just threatening to call the police, but I am so glad I stepped in a did. He fled before he was able to get through her door. The reason I did not call the police directly is at first he sounded obnoxious, but I did not know if he were just drunk and couldn’t work the lock or could not get in because he was being kept out. I could not hear her at all from within my apartment so I had to go out in the hall just to be able to hear her.

8

Okay, tt. If you get stuck with the rug rats, have a little fun with them.

tt: “Kids? Do you know where your Mommy and Daddy went?”
RR: “They went to see the castle all lit up.”
tt: “No. They are flying back to the States tonight. They could only afford two tickets so they sold you to us! You’re gonna be our pets now and you’ll never see Mommy and Daddy again!”

RR: “What’s for dinner?”
tt: “Hot dogs. Do you know what they are?”
RR: “Yeah. They’re good!”
tt: “Did you know that they chop off grandmothers fingers, take the bones out and then they call them hot dogs?”

Or as they doze in front of the TV tonight, whisper in their ears, “Mommy hates you. Daddy doesn’t like you.”

That’ll teach the bastards for trying to get a night alone before they return to the States.

9

Back in high school a friend of mine was babysitting some kids as a favor to her parents. (She wisely avoided babysitting otherwise) She was serving them hot dogs and they did not want to eat them. She threatened to cut off their fingers and serve that to them instead. One of the urchins held up his hand. He was already missing a few fingers.

10

Mr. Mean Chief says:

I don’t know maybe it will teach them that if something is really important to them they should plan ahead? That waiting until the day of the event and asking person A to ask person B with two hours notice is not a strategy for sucess?

:::Chief Scott can not see this, but tatertot is crying softly to herself because he made her feel like shit.:::

Oh wait, I did ask for his opinion. Duh. Next time I want to hear only what I want to hear, I’ll be sure not to invite him. :wink: <—yeah, I did that just for spite.

Lee, I would never expect someone who had bad knees or any other ailment to walk all the way up here. And a phone call is fine. I just hate having to stand in front of that little box, craning my neck to speak. These are perfectly able-bodied people we’re talking about here.

11

I’ve been railroaded into babysitting when I didn’t feel like it more than once. I’ve even babysat when my own kids were away for the night, and it was my only night alone.

Sometimes the gratitude I got in return more than made up for the inconvenience of babysitting, but after a while, you really do have to say no, unless it’s a real emergency.

I think that a lot of it depends on how well you know the person, what kind of person they are, and yes, do they ever go out of their way for you. Do you THINK that they would go out of their way for you. Being nice and returning favours is good, even on nights that you don’t feel like it, because you will feel good about doing it. If that’s not the situation, then you just feel used and resentful.

And if you REALLY REALLY REALLY don’t feel like babysitting (which sounded like your situation), I would nicely turn them down, and try not to feel too guilty about it. It’s not like the castle was a life or death situation, and they probably should have thought of it ahead of time.

12

::Taking deep breath::

I’msosorrytattertotIwasmakingajokeanditcameoutwrongpossiblycausingyousomedistresswhichInevermeanttoimposeuponyouandIwilltryinthefutureneverevertodoitagainI’msorry.

Putz.

That’ll teach you to make me feel like shit.<conspicuous absence of smilie, pooterhead>

13

Oh.

Pooterhead was a term of affection, pooterhead.

14

::thinking to self::

Gee, ChiefScott never calls me pooterhead anymore. Does this mean it’s over between us?

And tatertot, how about instead of carrying on a conversation over the intercom, explain you don’t like to talk over that thing and ask them to come up or call you.

15

Boo Boo, don’t you think I’ve tried? It’s always “just one more thing” and “this will just take a minute”. Don’t people who by no choice of their own live on the fourth floor have rights? It’s not that big a deal, just the icing on the cake of a bad situation.

Chief Scott: Term of affection? Does this mean you’re not my enemy? Cause I was thinking, what I really need on this board is an enemy. Something to spice things up so to speak. :slight_smile: <— that is to add a little heat in our relationship.

Serious conclusion: After thinking hard on this while I mopped the living room floor, I’ve decided that although I was perfectly right to refuse to babysit, in the future if it is somebody’s last weekend in Europe I will babysit. Even last minute. Because now I feel irrationally guilty. Although, I can’t help but think that if it was so important to my neighbors (ones who asked, not ones with kids) that these people should go out, why didn’t they just babysit themselves?

Oh, and because for some reason (I’m neurotic) I feel the need to justify myself to you people, I will add that I wanted some alone time w/Hubby tonight because it is now officially okay for us to have sex again, after a two week wait. And since I’ve been up since 6, I don’t think I’ll be up to it after babysitting until 12 or 1 am.

Yes, I know ya’ll agreed with me. I still must justify myself. I am a sick, sick woman.

16

You sicko :stuck_out_tongue:

Seriously, don’t let these people make you feel guilty. As you said, they waited until the last minute, they went through a third party intead of asking themselves, and then to top it off, the other neighbor lies about your husband in order to corner you into to it.

You owe them nothing.

17

Man, are you people uptight. Say yes if you want to, or if you like the people and want to be nice, seeing as it’s their last night there. Or say no if you don’t want to. You don’t have to hate them, think they are idiots for waiting so long, get mad at the hubby, etc.

Life’s way too short to spend time worrying about this.

BTW, we are constantly calling our babysitters a few hours before we go out, because they like it that way. The young girl next door doesn’t want to commit three days in advance, because she doesn’t know what homework she’ll get or whether the cute boy she likes will ask her out that night. So we accomodate her, unless it’s something we absolutely have to be at like a company function, in which case we’ll ask for a long-term commitment.

But if the wife and I just want to go out for supper together and see a movie, we’ll just call her that day, and if she’s busy, no sweat. We’ll try the next night. Suits everyone. It never occured to me to get annoyed at her because she doesn’t like committing days in advance. For times when we have to be somewhere else, we have a small backup babysitter in an ankle holster that we can call, unless this girl is willing. No one’s at fault here.

Perhaps your friends feel the same way, and it never occured to them that calling you a few hours before would be considered rude.

As for the intercom thing… Sheesh! It would never occur to me to be annoyed about that. In fact, they might think they are being courteous by contacting you that way. An awful lot of people get far more annoyed when people show up at their door unannounced. And if they just want to ask you a question, what’s the big deal? Isn’t it rather petty of YOU to demand that they walk four flights of stairs to ask you a question when you have this newfangled communication gizmo available that can accomplish it with the press of a finger?

To my way of thinking, if you have to post a message on the SDMB to ask people if you should be annoyed about something, the answer is probably no. If you’re uncertain about it, you might consider that the other people didn’t know either. So cut them some slack.

I’ll probably get trashed for saying this, but I’m so tired of seeing so many unhappy people getting annoyed over stuff like this. My family is like that - someone, somewhere has always done something to annoy them, and they are angry and bitter all the time. They can’t figure out how I avoid all these nasty people, because I’m happy all the time.