I definitely agree with the consensus that bringing the kids on a first date was a TERRIBLE idea. For all she knew about him, he could have been a sexual predator who targets single moms on dating sites in order to get a chance to molest their kids. I wonder if her ex-husband knows she’s bringing their kids to strange men’s sleazy bachelor pads!
Even assuming the guy is 100% ethical and decent, though, I don’t think it is healthy for kids to meet their parent’s dates until the relationship is very serious (ideally at the point where you’re starting to think about marriage). I think it’s confusing for kids when a revolving door of random guys come in and out of their lives like that.
As for the guy himself, well, of course it would have been honorable if he had been enough of a gentleman to decline sex. But realistically, I don’t blame men for acting like…well, men. It sounds like they probably had misunderstood each other’s intentions. He probably thought she was okay with having a no-strings-attached sex thing, whereas she obviously thought she had found a “New Daddy” for her kids. The fact that he dumped her without accepting any expensive gifts tells me he probably didn’t intend to be a predator, which is lucky for her.
Hopefully she has learned a lesson fromt his about trusting guys so fast. I really hope she gets her head straightened out before she tries the dating world again, or else those poor kids will probably end up with a total creep for a stepfather.
While the guy showed he’s susceptible to sleaze when it’s unexpectedly thrown at him, I think that he also showed some good judgment in getting OUT of her life before he got deeply tangled in it. I think he had himself some serious second thoughts once the hot monkey sex was over, and decided that he had enough crazy in his life already, he didn’t need a supersize portion of it.
Those poor kids. Hope their mom gets this out of her system soon.
Ok, she was acting a bit reckless and desperate, and didn’t give her kids NEARLY enough consideration in this case. She was almost definitely very horny, and I’m sure the guy was too, especially given their steamy internet relationship.
When asking myself the “would you do her if her kids were in the next room” question, I at first thought about “quiet” sex (similar to roomate sex), and whether or not it was late enough for the kids to be asleep. Then I almost slapped myself.
This dude knew she had kids ahead of time (presumably), then they were THERE in his place. So, it was known to him either before the visit or at the time of the visit that she had kids. This is not an optimal booty call situation.
If I were in an online relationship with a woman that had kids (which I kind of have) that would change things drastically. Single people can hook-up, date, whatever, and there’s no real consequence. Parents, have very serious responsibilities, namely their children. If you persue a relationship with someone that has a child or children, you need to know that you are persuing a family-type relationship, not just a hook-up.
If the guy saw all of this laid out on the table and still wanted to hit it, he’s a bit of a sleaze. But, if he accepted her and her kids as guests and was then cornered and mounted, he’d have little choice.
I just hope the kids either didn’t hear anything or can rationalize what they heard. Childhood memories involving sex are usually not all that healthy.
Yep, that’s pretty much my take on it. This thread is focusing on the sleaze (and sleazy it may well be), but we should really be focusing on the sheer culpability of the thing.
I have no children. I don’t like to introduce men to my dogs unecessarily. I cannot in a million years imagine bringing two children - OF ANY AGE - with me (A) to stay in the home of a man I’ve only been talking to online and (B) while I make merry with him in the other room.
Sleazy - with no question about it. And more than sleazy - it was downright dangerous. I’ve met lots of dates (including my former long-term SO) online, so I think I’m accurate when I say she broke about every safety rule for blind (online) dating in one fell swoop.
And lastly - I couldn’t enjoy myself with children - his, mine or anyone else’s in such close quarters.
Sleazy isn’t the word I’d choose to describe it. Nuts and desperate and pathetic seem more accurate. The fact that she would discuss this with an acquaintance sounds like a cry for help. It seems as though the wants someone to tell her she made a huge error in judgement.
No effing way! Some woman brings her kids to a first date? That’s a little uncomforatable for me. Bringing them on a 4 hour drive for a first date is way, way too uncomfortable for me. Wanting to jump my bones on the first date with her kids in the next room is way too messed up for me.
Hell, my co-worker didn’t like her kids meet her boyfriends until it seemed like they were going to be around long enough to develop a healthy rapport of some kind. She didn’t want her kids getting attached to someone new then being collateral damage if it didn’t work out.
Well, at first I did blame her. My reaction was, “Wow, this bitch is fucked up and stupid! Someone should tell her ex what she’s doing to his kids.” Then I wondered if I was being unfair, and maybe should consider the guy in the situation. But of course, they are HER kids, and she’s making flagrant offers of pussy and reassuring the guy it’s OK in this situation, it’s not his responsibility to say, “Oh, think of the children!” It’s hers.
It takes two to tango, I guess. But she has to get the lion’s share.
I certainly wasn’t telling her that. I was really just a bystander for this convo. I did make the comment about how it could have come out much, much worse than her getting summarily dumped on her ass after two dates, if the guy in question had been a bad man.
She is one very stupid and lucky woman. (and he was very lucky and then stupid man, should have taken that bike)
Mess around with whomever you want, but leave those kids with a relative, for the love of Pete. Oh and don’t push for marriage on the second date. Never a turn on.
Yikes! GF and I both have kids, we’ve known one another for quite a while, yet there are just some things which neither of us would do, namely dancing the horizontal bop with our youngsters awake in an adjoining room. Oy!
As other males have observed, I might have done so when younger and more driven by the smaller of my two heads, but since becoming Dadly, that’s out of the question.
As a straightforward answer to your orginal question: I don’t know whether you are easily shocked, but yes, this is just sleazy. This one tale says volumes about why her marriage probably failed in the first place.
Oh for fuck sakes, so the kids might have heard their mother having sex in the next room, they’re not going to be scarred for life. A couple of hundred years ago, kids slept in the same room, the same BED as their parents while they were having sex and those kids went on to invent the steam engine and the light bulb. What have YOU done that you can judge?
Not that I would be thrilled to hear my parents going at it, but I think it would be far less tramatizing than hearing my mom doing it with some guy she just met an hour or so ago.
