What’s your personal relationship to Monsieur Douche? I assume there is one, for you to know he’s a douche. I’ve been in the situation where said shower-bag was a hated high school enemy/bully. Don’t wanna date her. If she’s into guys like that, I work on the assumption that we couldn’t possibly have anything in common. Now granted, this is age dependent; I’m 25, and so she might have different tastes now than at 17, and different tastes still at 33.
Or a “friend” whom I might get along with fine, but who is such a philandering cock that I don’t want to touch any of his Ex’s. Like my buddy who works as a bouncer at a night club, and brings home a different girl from the bar every weekend. We’ve called him an STD vending machine to his face, and (much to my chagrin) know for a fact that it’s not just a joke. Having hooked up with him tells me that I’m probably not interested in what she’s peddling. Not just because I have my puritanical panties in a knot, but because I feel that she has very indiscriminating tastes, and I suddenly don’t feel very special going out with her.
Dude. I did read the entire thread and if you look at what I quoted (your response of “Can’t help how I feel tho’.”), you’ll see I said you were right! You feel like you feel. I suggest that you NOT date this girl, particularly if you have to be talked into it by complete strangers on an anonymous message board. PUH-LEEZE do that poor girl a favor and leave her alone. No snark here. I’m straight up. You posted this situation, looking for opinions. Don’t get all pissy because you get opinions you don’t like.
Great that you’ve reconsidered from your OP. I think that’s a good call. Keep in mind, it’s a date, it’s not a mortgage, not marriage, not enlistment in the army. Take it one date at a time and see where it goes. You’re lucky you’ve got someone you’re interested in who’s also interested in you, might as well explore it.
I’ve never gone out on a 2nd date with a douche/asshole/crazy person. If I found out a woman I was interested in dated a douche/asshole/crazy person for any length of time I’d question her judgment.
Yeah, because I must be the first person ever, in the history of the world, to ever become a little confused when it comes to matters of romance. I never said I was right. saying how I feel and saying I’m right are not the same thing.
Sometimes peopke just need an outside view. Ya’ know?
(I wrote this before I read the OP had about-faced. FTR, I’m glad he changed his mind.)
Shakes,
I’m about to be an asshat to you. I’m telling you first. You might want to take a seat.
Shakes, doesn’t make a damn bit o’ difference what they had. He might be the biggest jerk this side of the earth, but he has you beat: He made this girl’s days for quite a while but you haven’t made Any of her days. As you posted he has you Beat. And he’s Laughing at you.
Now, are you attracted to this girl? Do you like her? You indicate she likes you. But is it Really ‘that way’ or like a brother she doesn’t have to by X-mas gifts for? If the attraction is gone, then there’s nothing to be said other than I hope you can get past it if there’s ever a next time.
And if the attraction is still there, then… what the Hell are you doing here?
You go get that girl… and you love her and dazzle her until she’s so dazed & confused she loves you back. Kiss her until your jaws ache. Rub her back & feet until your fingers cramp. Remember her important days & get her things. Write her things. Draw her things. Make it possible for her to close her eyes and to feel Loved. If you can achieve that, then I predict a bright future for you.
And if you can’t do this, then its not him. Its you. And… you might want to work on that.
You can call me any name in the book now. But that had to be said.
Shakes, I wish you well & good luck. If this works out, we’d all love to hear about it.
:rolleyes: I did not attack him. He said he could not help how he felt. And he said this way, way after he “changed his mind.” He may have changed his mind about asking her out, but he has not changed how he feels (he said he can’t help that).
I was just thinking of the poor girl, who, unbeknownst to her, is about to be asked out on a date by a guy who has serious reservations about “her judgment” and who “can’t help” how he feels, and who doesn’t really want to date her, but was persuaded to ask her out by a bunch of people on an anonymous message board. Wow. Should I have sugar-coated it more?
And Shakes, this wasn’t a question about romance. You liked the girl just fine until this whole prior relationship info came up, and then your opinion of her fell into the toilet! Either you like the girl enough to date her or you don’t. Sounds to me like you dislike the prior guy much more than you like the girl. So unless you *do *change “how you feel,” leave her alone. That’s my outside view, but please feel free to completely ignore me. You’re entitled. Go ahead and ask her out, but never, never, never tell her about this thread. She would be greatly insulted and rightly so.
i think that some of you folks are being a little bit too harsh on Shakes. Personally, I do understand his concern. As AntiCoyote said, patterns to tend to repeat themselves. Also, remember that she dated this guy for six whole months, not just a couple of weeks. If he was a severe douchebag, not just a mildly unpleasant fellow, then I can see how this might color his perception of her.
Having said that, I do strongly agree with the prevailing advice in this thread. Don’t judge her too harshly based on this one thing alone. Keep your eyes open, but give her a chance. She may have changed, possibly as a result of having learned from her mistake. Or perhaps she had a temporary blind spot with regard to this fella, and she simply didn’t see the whole truth – especially if this guy was really good at hiding his true nature. (Haven’t we all known men like that who were wildly successful with women?)