Skald, I so want to steal this for my sig.
I’d LIKE to take the stairs instead of the lift most times…but dayum, some places seem to HIDE the darn things.
As for the OPs hard issue…
Have you ever tried getting off on the the 13th floor? It can be a bitch sometimes.
At the building where I used to work the second floor was maintenance and only the freight elevators stopped there, so the regular elevators didn’t have buttons for the second floor. Except that the freight elevators were in the same lobby as the regular elevators, so a lot of people used them at starting and quitting times rather than wait, especially because they were a lot bigger than the passenger elevators. And of course every so often someone would actually need to get on or off at the 2nd floor, which would elicit some grumbling from people at the additional delay.
This is going to amuse no one but me 
When I was in the UK the main Lift manufacturer was some outfit called Otis.
In my condo in Manila its an outfit called Schindler.
It cracks me up everytime every single time I tell ya!
To look at the manufacturer’s nametag on the door and know am on Schindler’s Lift!!!
A couple jobs ago, I worked in a building with Schindler elevators. And yes, someone had added some graffitti next to the manufacturer’s name on the plate inside the elevator so it read…
Schinder**'s Lift**
My brother taught his children that there are two elevator companies: Otis, the good careful safe one, and Silo, the evil, cost cutting unsafe one. You get on the elevator and it says OTIS. When the door opens after your ride, you look at the nameplate upside down on the door base and it appears to say SILO, so you scream and jump out.
Rule #99: Press the number of the floor you are going to, not the one you’re coming from.
Yes, believe it or not, I had to explain this to a couple who were staying in a hotel in Niagara Falls. They got on, on the third floor, and pressed “3”, which of course made the doors open again. Then, just as the doors started to close, they hit “3” again. And again. And again. So I had to explain to them how to use an elevator.
There was also an Amish family in the hotel . . . and they had no problem using the elevator.
Are you a Communist or some tree hugging do gooder? They are always lifts
“Lift” is commonly used here, it even seems to be considered a Thai word, “lif,” without the T. Odd, because Thai words never end in F; must sound very exotic to them. But many Thais don’t know the word “elevator.” “Lift” British, and there’s a lot of British usage around.
In a similar vein are escalators. One problem here is you’ll be riding down one behind a gaggle of schoolgirls, and when they reach the botton, they just stand there and gossip and giggle! Then everyone behind ends up plowing into them.
Maybe, just maybe, I’m a communist tree hugging do gooder, who happens to like pudding.
So there - and Martini - nuh-huh - always called it an elevator - prolly cause I’m a pretentious communist tree hugging do gooder! 
Will you marry me??? I’ll ride the elevators FOR you!
Seriously, though, I nominate this post on the BBQ Pit as one of the funniest threads on the Dope.
(It literally made me pee! In the bathroom. I made it in time.)
There’s tons of this on the net, but I’ll add :
Annoying Things To Do on an Elevator
- CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask, “Got enough air in there?”
- STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
- WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.
- GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
- MEOW occasionally.
- STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: “You’re one of THEM” — and back away slowly
- SAY “Ding!” at each floor.
- SAY, “I wonder what all these do?” and push all the red buttons.
- MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: “I have new socks on.”
I second Pope Jewish’s very intelligent stance on the proper balance between courtesy towards ladies and courtesy in general. All other things being equal, allow a lady to get off first; if you’re blocking her, or someone else’s, way, get off first yourself to give others room.
Along the same lines: if you’re at the front of a crowded elevator and going to an upper floor, the polite thing to do is to step off at an intermediate floor with a word to those continuing on: “This is not my floor but I’m stepping out to make room for others to get off.” If they have the sense God gave a chunk of country rock, they’ll hold the “Door Open” button to allow you to get back on after the people whose floor it is have exited. This is particularly important if you are relatively large of body and getting past you could be a problem. (6’3" 250# executives seem to believe everyone played football in college and can damn well force their way past them, in my experience.)
Vegetarians are capable of eating and digesting meat; they kjust choose not to. (If it’s not offensive, gay men are physically quite capable of having intercourse with a woman; they just don’t want to.) Amish people are not stupid or naive; they just choose to live a simpler lifestyle that seems to them more in tune with what God intended. They’re quite capable of using technology in relatively obvious ways; they just choose to avoid doing it as a rule.(And notice this is a common sense approach: it’s not a life-or-death situation that you drive your car to town at 65 MPH to buy the week’s groceries, so take your horse-and-buggy that you can repair yourself and which, unlike your car’s engine, your horse will reproduce itself. But when it is a life-or-death situation, as in the Lancaster County school shooting, an ambulance or Medevac/Life Flight helicopter is appropriate. Many Amish have telephones – outside, attached to the 'phone pole. There’s nothing sinful in having a telephone for urgent needs; what’s sinful is indulging yourself in long, chatty phone calls rather than spending the time with your family. Some people think it ironic that some Amish communities have websites – it’s not; they’re using technology appropriately by their standards, to answer the incessant questions about why Amish do this-and-that from the outside world.
I, for one, liked this post.
I want to go back to the stinky people. Not the nasty BO people (well maybe them as well), but to the pretty people. The people who apply cologne/perfume when they get dressed as if it will wear off one inch per hour, so they spray on a 10-inch coat of smellum and head out the door.
When they finish their commute, however they do it, get to their destination and then enter the elevator, it is like they are a walking Pig-Pen like cloud of “Screw You I Pay A Lot To Smell Like This” eye-tearing, nose-sniffling weighs-heavy-enough-in-the-air-to-set-on-you-for-the-next-30-minutes type of stench. Sure, it’s nice in small doses, but napalm style bursts??? GRRRRRR.
I have been on the bus many times when an overly scented person sits near me and makes my eyes burn. They look at me cross when I open the window. Even in the winter. Only once have I had to tell somebody she smelled quite strongly (but I was able to do it politely). She didn’t say another word to me the entire rest of the ride.
It is ultimately worse in an elevator. There aren’t any windows to open.
No, or he would have said narthex.
Of course. But my point was not to disparage the Amish; I live not too far from them, and I know they’re as smart as anyone else (some of their politics notwithstanding). My point was that it was the non-Amish who found it difficult to master elevator usage.
I hesitate to post this…but when I was a teenage girl, I read a magazine article that said to layer one’s fragrances. I wear Opium perfume. According to this article, I should be wearing Opium dusting powder, Opium cologne, and then Opium perfume all at once. I should also soak a couple of cotton balls in Opium, and tuck one in the cleavage of my bra, and one in my purse. I think that there were a couple more suggestions of how one could extend one’s personal aroma for another couple of feet, but even as a teen, I knew that such scent overkill would likely have people run screaming from my vicinity.
I admit that I generally like light scent on both men and women, but the key word here is LIGHT. I believe that nobody should be able to tell if someone else is wearing scent, unless it’s because the people involved are hugging, having sex, or because they are seatmates on a plane, which is even more intimate that sex sometimes.
Oh, forgot to mention. If I have a doctor’s or dentist’s appointment, I make sure not to apply scent. Generally, someone’s going to be very close to me and touching me at such appointments, and Opium is rather a heavy perfume. I don’t want someone to get a headache because I want to smell purty.