These would be better if reversed, but you go to war with the weapons you’ve got:
** You can tell me. It won’t hurt my feelings
I’ve got a secret.**
Okay, NOW they’re in the right order. Fat lotta good that does me.
** I’ve got a secret.
You can tell me. It won’t hurt my feelings**
My oldest sprung an announcement on me.
Omg, the thing that just came out of my nose.
I’ve got a secret.
You can tell me. It won’t hurt my feelings
Even better with the first two.
What was the first thing people stood in line for days for?
naked women with big tits
The second one was a spam thread that I zapped a few minutes after it was posted, but still…
** My oldest sprung an announcement on me.
Wakanda Forever!
**
** Sounds you don’t want to hear
Omg, the thing that just came out of my nose.
**
Yeah, I coulda done without hearing that.
** Is The Far Side Returning?
Artists No One Tried To Emulate?
**
Who else could be Gary Larson?
**What’s your go-to simple comfort food recipe?
Absinthe
**
Sometimes it takes a LOT to comfort you.
Is JK Rowling transphobic?
This is the thought that keeps me up at night… Am I wrong?
She might be transphobic, but it’s wrong that it keeps you up at night.
** Retail Stupidity
Who has baby Jesus?**
“Fer chrissake, who stashed baby Jesus in Plumbing Supplies??!?”
This is why I don’t go to Home Depot anymore. 
So I want to get better at chess
Chess player flipping board in tantrum
1.e4.
1…e5.
2.Bc4.
2…Bc5.
3.Qh5.
3…Nc6??
4.Qxf7#.
5…screams, flips board.
Sounds like you can’t do any worse than a draw. 
Which is Better: Rice or Beans?
The exact psychology behind people being angered by others’ food choices?
Why do you INSIST on eating that crappy rice? :mad::mad::mad::mad:
** Cats Trailer out
New Concepts in Horror
I think it’s time for “A Charlie Brown Christmas”**
Anything but that horrible CATS
Why Is the Song of Solomon In the Bible?
Selective ignorance
They selectively ignored the subject matter.
You have just just sneezed. Spock says…
A wop bop aloom op a wop bop boom - the syllable thread
Any positive experiences with timeshares?
So I was just woken up
Looking back on it, I think it was a mistake to buy the timeshare by the hour.
** What song(s) defines a part of your life?
Songs About Mental Illness?**
Yes. Next question?
You have just just sneezed. Spock says…
Tell me about your experiences with convection ovens
That’s odd, Klingons usually ask if you’d like to buy their timeshares.
Did you know people that despite not seeming like much of a “catch” easily found sex partners?
The person you lost your virginity with: Where are they?
After Barnum & Bailey went out of business, I completely lost track of her.
99% chance Comet Swift-Tuttle will impact Earth in 2126. Would it be the same with deniers?
What phone do you have?
Your Apocalypse must haves
I’m torn between the iPhone MXLVII and the Pixel 97, whichever gives me the best Apocalypse selfies.
** Why Is the Song of Solomon In the Bible?
Selective ignorance**
That could be applied to most of the Bible