What is with people who post a thread for every little thing that happens in their lives? I mean, really, do you have to analyze every. little. thing? It’s like, ‘Today, my girlfriend said ‘Why’ instead of ‘How come’. What does that mean? Does that mean we’re no longer in sync? Does she still love me? Do I still love her?’
You know what it means? It means she’s verbally economic. You should hold on to her like grim death.
[/angry seinfeld]
In a Costanza-esque move, I’m having my work telephone changed to a 1-900 number so that it charges the caller $2.99 a minute while they waste my time. Want to ask me inane questions? SURE THING, PAL! I’ll even act interested and ask you to explain it at great length. AND I won’t transfer you to another department to get rid of you! Hell, I’ll even go out and try to find the answer on my own. But you have to call me to get it. In other words, I’ll do everything I already do, but get some nice extra cash for the effort.
What’s the deal with the shows set in Las Veags? Aside from “CSI”, there are only so many ways you can tell the story of a poor drug dealer, hooker, or gambler because, along with cops, those are the only people inhabiting Vegas (according to television).
Which only plays Handel’s “Water Music”.
I’m probably being whooshed, but traditionally it was because the devil could sneak in while you sneeze so others offer a protective blessing.
Do your eyeballs really burst out of your skull if you keep your eyes open during a sneeze?
And when everyone on the plane opens them at the same time, it smells like farts!
Neither, because flowing water wouldn’t really have too many shit particles in it anyway.
Everyone’s entitled to their quirks, but I think using your logic your mouth is coming into contact with shit particles either way.
Now, if you were to be rinsing or spitting from a glass filled with water that had been sitting in the bathroom…
Why do farts always want to occur in public places, wedding, funerals, mass, or at work? How often do we actually fart at home, in private? Really, when was the last time you had to break wind at home? Isn’t it always when you don’t want to? I always have to when I’m around strangers. And it only gets worse because I am forced to hold it in until no more can be held, thus the very act of holding it in causes it to flow out slowly, like a breeze. What I do is smoothly walk away and hope that Those Who Smell It don’t suspect anyone far away.
I have a great Kramerian subplot…
The Celebrity Pee episode:
Kramer comes up with a great new moneymaking venture, He decides to collect, market, and sell the urine of famous stars and celebrities to collectors in vials worn as necklaces - “Liquid Gold, Jerry! Liquid Gold!” He gets George in on the deal and of course Jerry is both horrified and disgusted by the very idea. The premise is George and Kramer stalk celebrities to public places (a restaurant or something) and somehow infiltrate the bathrooms and wait for the celebrities to do their business. Of course, hilarity ensues as they try to make the celebrity (maybe a guest appearence by George Hamilton or somebody equally absurd.) use the toilet instead of the urinal and then prevent him from flushing so that they can collect the booty…