I have a friend who goes in and out of relationships frequently. He gets heavily emotionally involved very quickly, so even for girls he only knows for a few weeks or months, he takes the breakups really hard. Now he’s with a new girl, and he’s head over heels. Can’t stop thinking about her, wants to be with her every second, and is scared that by coming on too strong this soon in the relationship, he’ll push her away. He wants my advice.
Aye, there’s the rub. I have only ever had one steady girlfriend, and then only for a few months. I never got that emotionally attached, and didn’t really take it very badly when she broke up with me suddenly. I hardly ever pursue women, as I’m not very social. Thus, I have a distinct lack of perspective when it comes to the way he’s feeling. This has come up frequently in our friendship, as he’s a few years older, and has had several GFs in the past few years. I want to help him out, give him advice, but I feel I might be misleading him. He trusts me, and I’d hate to tell him the wrong thing, because I don’t like to see him miserable. I’d tell him to get some counseling, as his pattern of emotional highs and lows seems to me to be hinting at something he should consider seeking some outside help for. But I don’t really think he needs a shrink, he just needs a friend who knows what he’s talking about.
Anyway, there it is. I can’t help him, even though I want to, and I don’t want to tell him he should seek help elsewhere, because I don’t want to seem insensitive. This sucks.
Run away!!!
Run far, far away!!!
Sadly, I know exactly what you’re talking about, as I had (notice the past tense) a friend who would ask me for advice too. The last time she asked for advice, I’d been married for 10 years to the same guy and the last time I dated was in my teens. (I’m still married to the same guy; it’s been 13 years now.) Anyway, if he takes advice well and understands that maybe you’re not the best person to give it, great. If he goes nuts when things don’t work out for him and gets angry with you for your advice, refer him to a counselor.
IMHO, everyone can benefit from professional help, even if it’s just to have someone completely unbiased to listen to you.
(Most people have issues of some kind anyway.)
I wouldn’t say that telling him to get help is insensitive, it’s precisely what he should do. You genuinely seem to care about your friend, and his problems, and that’s all the tools you need right there, to at least be of some assistance. Reliance on someone else a few weeks into a relationship certainly doesn’t appear to be a healthy cycle to get stuck in. As GFH said, profession help can benefit anyone.
Keep us posted, and good luck