You forgot The Pizza Parlor.
And if you do so, I heartily recommend you swear out your will first. After all, passing that stuff around in Saudi Arabia will get you executed.*
*Any way of getting Jack Chick to fly there?
Silly, the new species evolved AFTER the Flood.
I actually came up with that one quite a while ago. Not “Jesus”, per se, but “god(s).” My “god(s)” is/are fourfold: four forces that govern the universe and how it runs. I needn’t believe in anything else, that’s enough for me.
I guess I’m going to Hell. Too bad it’s not there. 
LL ← apologizes for witnessing in the Pit, but had to respond…
Thenk kyew, thenk kyew, I shall…
There’s something I want you to know, Jack (oh Jack)
You’re a sad fundamentalist throwback (oh Jack)
And your lies are more bald-faced than Kojak (oh Jack);
Oh Jack – go back – to the zooooooo…
I’ll stop now.
To have a brief rant (this is the Pit, after all), I suppose what irks me most is the attempt to use science to justify the Bible, and then use God to excuse any bad science (no really, God actually gave tigers and giraffes gills so they could survive outside the Ark, and then took them away afterwards). I know God works in mysterious ways, but apparently He’s bad at forward planning too.
I have this fantasy. It’s only a fantasy. It’ll never happen. But…
*(Scene: Jack Chick at home. He has just finished his 491st tract, “People with Functioning Brain Cells Go to Hell”.
Suddenly! The door bursts open! In strides Steve Wright, 300 pounds of non-Fundamentalist blubber, with a fierce look upon his face. Behind him are legions of other Christians, all equipped with intellects, or some sense of compassion, or just good taste in art.)*
Me: Jack Chick! Prepare to pay for your misdeeds!!
Chick: (cowers) wh-what? What misdeeds?
(The massed legions advance menacingly
Me: What misdeeds?? You have consistently shown us Christians as arrogant, humorless, hate-filled morons! You have made a mockery of our religion!! You have presented a view of Christianity which makes anyone with a germ of compassion, or even simple common sense, curl up and vomit!!! And you have goaded me into using multiple exclamation marks at the ends of my sentences!!! Prepare to meet thy doom…
Chick: But you’re Christians! You should forgive me!
Me: Ha!!! It says in Matthew 18: 21-22, "Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven”. That’s 490, and you’ve just brought out number 491. Your ass is ours, pal.
Chick: But that’s not right… seventy times seven is just a metaphor, it really means you should always forgive…
Me: Oh, so now your sorry backside is on the line, you drop the literalist stuff and start using your God-given critical intelligence to interpret the text, huh? Forget it… *(Turns to massed legions)*Vengeance is ours!!
(Chick wails. The massed legions close in on him and - in the finest traditions of the Church of England - have a cup of tea and a nice chat with him.)
It’s just a fantasy.
I thought you were supposed to offer him “Cake or death?” 
I must say I’m rather disappointed that “Allah Had No Son” is not available in Arabic. Kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?
–sublight.
Badtz - no sirree, no can do. ‘Macro-evolution’ or the creation of new species doesn’t happen according to these yahoos.
New question:
OK, there was a water vapor canopy englobing the earth, out in orbit a bit, right? (Or whatever they called it - I’m not gonna go look again.)
Then god used that water to deluge the entire earth, flooding everything thousands of feet deep (all the mountains were covered). That’s a lot of water.
Where did it go? I mean, I know it says the water dried up, but where did it go?
And why didn’t god just put it back where he got it?
Hee hee hee. This is like shooting rubber duckies in a bathtub, ain’t it? Can I bring a bigger shotgun next time?
Maybe it evaporated!
Wouldn’t it be prohibitive if there was a water canopy over the earth?
I mean, wouldn’t it have fallen immediately?
Maybe it went into the Grand Canyon…
What I find particularly amusing about the concept of a water canopy is the idea of it “shielding us from the sun’s harmful rays” - presumably there was no ozone layer or Van Allen belts before the flood, but that’s not the main problem.
Anyone ever dived down, say, 15 feet into a fairly clean body of water? The “harmful rays” a layer of water in orbit would shield us from would leave the earth in perpetual darkness.
And of course, unless God was keeping the water liquid, it would only take a few inches of orbiting ice to do the same trick, turning our “hothouse” into more of a fridge.
As for someone actually experimenting with extending lifespan through increasing oxygen content and heat, I would be very interested in hearing about it, if you could find a link. Hopefully the fundy doing it will stay on a steady diet of antioxidants, as well as codliver oil (since they have shielded themselves from those “harmful rays” :rolleyes:
Here’s a short examination of some of the physics of the vapour canopy…
http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/canopy.html
Here’s the Book to prove, no need to fear it
And there’s three ways that God can show
That’s the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
Oh J-E-S-U-S I love you so!
So lets go read the verse that began it (Janet)
When God made the world and then ran it (Janet)
With no dinosaurs so just can it (Janet)
I’ve got one thing to say and that’s Dammit Janet
You’re going to hell
Sorry. Really, I’m sorry. I feel dirty.
Having once been a volunteer in a small Midwestern hospital, I’ve been handed more than my share of these puppies. I’m Indian, but I look Hispanic. Many of the “kind-hearted” Pod People who shoved these tracts in my face while I was wheeling their grandmothers/ newborn children out to the car figured I was Catholic. I swear their heads about exploded when I had made sure the patient was safely in the car, and as I was walking back inside said simply, “First of all, I’m not Mexican, I’m Indian. Second of all, there is no God. Have a nice day!”
I almost miss working there.
Yes, but do you want to feel dirty? 
[sub]Oh no…[/sub]
Tract-a tract-a tract-a tract me,
I wanna be hoooooo-lyyyy.
Preach me, reach me, come teach me,
Preacher from the Right…
Oh man…I am so hellbound, I’ve just sprouted a third eye.
Unless there’s a passage in the Bible that says that God somehow kept the salt water and fresh ater seperated during the flood, that means you also have to account for the really, really big ass aquariums you’d need to transport two of each salt water or fresh water fish, crustatian, ect.
Also, what about plant life? Last time I checked, most trees don’t do well when they’re submurged for a month or more.
That must have been one BIG boat…
[Dusty Harlot Springfield]
The only man who could ever reach me,
Was a tract writin’ Preacherman.
[/dusty harlot Springfield]
Is it just me or does anyone else picture Jack Chick actually looking like Bob?
Does anyone else get the impression that Bob likes to impure himself over the Sears catalog?
Might I use that in my sig, kind sir?
From the day we are born
We are sinful
We are the thorn
In our Fathers side (or crown)
He tried in vain
But we never caused him nothing but pain
We were saved the day he died
From the day man was born
We’ve been trouble
All that Internet porn
Gay sex and pride
Weak willed and vain,
Audaciously using our brains,
Hopelessly drawn to the evil side
When Jesus said you’d better use your head
You knew he’s in a pissy mood
He’ll make your afterlife
Full of sorry and strife
Makes you pray
Lest your gay
Then your screwed
Must do work. Leave thread alone. Brain hurts.
Be my guest. You are most welcome to it.
Telemark, I think for the sake of both our sanities – and the reduction of potential incidences of beverage damage to electronic equipment – we’d better quit now… 
Tel ehhh mark and jr8,
a-and you too-oo, Fate
I loove it when you’re
committing blasphemy together.
Babies babies, o you guys,
you-oo three and yo third eyes
you gonna fly away, glad you’re goin my way
I loooove it when we’re hellbound forever
(sorry smokey- that really is one of the best songs ever, hope you don’t mind…)