We never understood why you married him – he’s mildly mentally handicapped and moderately to severely emotionally handicapped. He’d attempted suicide in his teens. He’s never held a job more challenging than bag boy at the grocery store. You claimed you loved him and he wanted so much to be “normal” like his brothers.
You treated him more like a pet than a spouse. You dragged him behind you as you were evicted from apartment after apartment. You dragged him 800 miles from his family and cut almost all contact. Then you called us late one Saturday night. “I can’t deal with him any more. I’m divorcing him. You have to come get him because I’ve got a new apartment and I have to be out of this one by the end of the month.” Kinda like when the puppy has grown past the fun days and is old and in need of attention, to continue the pet analogy, and you were about to dump him on the side of the road after 14 years of marriage.
Lives were immediately turned upside-down. Plans were torpedoed. Mild panic ensued, followed by sleep and cooler heads to solve the problem. His parents picked him up the day before his birthday. He had one pair of pants and one pair of underwear. He needed a haircut and shave. He’d lost teeth. Who knows what his physical health is like, but his mental health has to be shot. He wanted to try to work things out. You wanted him gone.
Out of the “goodness” of your heart, you’re setting up a savings account for him. Yeah, we believe that. You don’t pay your rent or phone bills or car loans, and you’re going to give him money?? Maybe you thought that would keep him from getting a lawyer. Think again. Not much chance of alimony, is there? But you’ll pay – even if it just costs you more in legal fees.
He’s with his family now. His oldest brother has given him some shirts and jackets, and we’ll be buying him some jeans and socks and t-shirts. He’ll be fed real food now – no more living on microwave popcorn. He’ll go to a doctor and a dentist. He’ll get out of the house regularly – he won’t sit in front of TV all day. He’s going to carry the hurt for a long time. If all goes well, he won’t become suicidal or violent again. Not that you care. Not that it matters to you that his parents just lost their long-awaited retirement. Not that you give a damn about anyone but yourself.
I feel so sorry for my in-laws. They deserved their retirement. I feel sorry for the brothers – their help won’t be accepted by the youngest one. I feel sorry for the discarded one – he’s beyond hurt and embarrassment. But I don’t feel anything for you beyond disgust. There’s the relief that you’re no longer one of us. And there’s the hope that the youngest brother will someday feel part of the family again.
Look up bitch in the dictionary – that’s her picture.
Just one question: she’s not pregnant, is she? Is there a way you can find out for sure, now, while she’s still more or less around, rather than have her come back in a year or so and say, “Guess what?” and deposit a toddler of unknown parentage in your lap?
Yikes, FCM. If kind thoughts and virtual support from a semi-anonymous nabob on this board can be of any help to you and yours at this time, I’ll send all I can.
My nephew has just pulled a similar stunt, but with his own young daughters. TMI and I’m not ready to rant about him yet. When we find him, and if there’s anything left of him when my folks (who’ve had their retirement challenged by him now one-too-many-times) get done with him, then I’ll rant.
I hope things work out, for your brother-in-law (?) and for the rest of the family.
I don’t know if this is needed or would be accepted but my uncle just passed away recently and we have tons of really nice clothes with no home… I’d be happy to send some if the size is right and they would be welcome. I hope things get back to normal…
Thanks, Ivorybill - yeah, he’s my bro-in-law. I’ll see him this weekend - the first time in at least 10 years. I don’t even know what to say to him…
MissBHaven, that’s very sweet of you and I truly appreciate the offer. Fortunately, my husband and I are able to help him out - and since it was just his b-day, I’m thinking a gift certificate so he can get himself some new clothes - something all his. We’re pretty sure his “wife” dressed him from thrift-store cast-offs.
I’d like to give him a puppy, too, but my FIL would fillet me for that one!
Damn FCM, what the person married to your BIL did was reprehensible. I don’t know what to say to you except that good thoughts and positive vibes are right now heading toward Jax and wherever your BIL is.
As for what to say to him, don’t worry about it. Just let him know that you care and you’re glad he’s around.
Thanks for the positive vibes, Zappo! I was just thinking that maybe the approaching holidays will help him rejoin the family. He hasn’t spent Thanksgiving or Christmas with any of us for about a decade.
Incidentally, everyone in Louisville should be on the lookout for a malevolent being - at first glance, she may seem congenial, but she is evil. I neglected to mention that years ago, she earned the nickname “Attilla the Homemaker” - a tribute to her finesse and delicacy… :rolleyes:
Actually, it’s an adverb, Rue, and I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless. He and our kid had a special bond - she used to call him “Uncle Goofy” - maybe they’ll get that back…
FCM, What a sad and angering tale. Your soon to be X SIL is, in my mind, a Piranha, and Pariah.
I think the only possible thing you can say to your BIL when you see him, is, “We love you”. It is obvious that he is loved, and that will him get through the heartache. Positive energy is now heading your way from the valley of the sun.
Guin, best we can figure, she’s a controller and he’s easily controlled. Each found something in the other that completed them both. Sadly, each was lacking too much to make it work.
She’d been married once before, and rumor has it she’s got another bf on the side… I don’t understand it - what’s the appeal? It sure eluded the rest of us. But it’s no matter any more - she’s all but out of our lives.
Thanks for the positive energy, DaToad - it’ll take bunches to heal him. Sadly, this is something beyond the power of even the finest chocolates…
to my dear spirit dancer…
I wish all of you much strength and patience and compassion during this difficult time. I don’t know if I would have the fortitude to handle this situation without wanting to strangle the bitch, but you, I have always imagined, are a better person than me.
You are, all of you, in my prayers.
Is there a way you can find out for sure, now, while she’s still more or less around, rather than have her come back in a year or so and say, “Guess what?” and deposit a toddler of unknown parentage in your lap?
and I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless. He and our kid had a special bond - she used to call him “Uncle Goofy” - maybe they’ll get that back…