I've been trying to think up funn fortune cookie fortunes

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I think we;ve done this before

Inspected by No. 42
This is a Mobebius Fortune this is a Moebius Fortune This is a Moebius Fortune (On a Moebius strip, of course)
**You will meet a tall dark (continued in next cookie)
This is a Chinese Fortune Grenade, and you have just pulled the pin.
Learn Chinese –Ptomaine Poisoning – 名 尸毒
Yesterday’s Lucky Numbers – 5 11 14 22 30

This is cookie No. 78 – collect all 200!
Throw this fortune in the air and have a very small ticker-tape parade
IBM – down 1/8 ,CRT up 1/4 …
Pithy Saying Better than Bad Fortune
Don’t say “between the sheets”. It’s passe
**

22

This too shall pass.

23

I give CalMeacham two points for an outstanding response.

24

Time and Tide wait for no man. They’ve been trademarked by Henry Luce and Proctor & Gamble

25

What would Hunter S. Thompson do?

26

Confucious says:

“Don’t believe fortune cookie fortunes.”

27

I got a fortune once that said “You enjoy participating in competitive sports.”

I was mildly amused.

28

I think they meant to say “God is watching you” but it lost something in translation.

29

You have been poisoned, please deposit 1 million $ at 6735663 , and await information for antidote.

There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life

30

Snopes has at least two (true) stories of people who’ve won by playing fortune cookie numbers:
Numbers recommended by a fortune cookie resulted in a lottery win.
A husband and wife each won a lottery by playing numbers recommended by a fortune cookie.

31

The best things in life are free, except dining out.

Keep your hands above the table!

You bad with chopsticks, so spots on you tie.

32

I have made fortune cookies. They are a pain in the ass to make. My gf nearly peed herself when she read hers:

You will be responsible for the death of thousands

Happily, it didn’t happen. Yet.:smiley:

33

The best I ever did was put a rubber iguana into the shower with my gf. She was holding onto the shower rod nude, screaming in terror.
But I digress, and bow to you, Sir.
Outstanding!
:slight_smile:

34

In and around San Francisco, they sell the flat round thin cookies in bundles at Wallgreens. You can steam them soft and then form them by draping over a chopstick, laying on a fortune and folding one side over the other.
I make them up for alumni parties, with the fortunes relating to the school colors and campus in-jokes.

35

Ones I want to see:

You will all split the check fairly.
Everyone will soon forget what you just said wrong.
This is your your lucky night, so go for it.
Be glad you didn’t eat Japanese on cushions and show that hole in your sock.

36

God wears a blue shirt and khakis? It must’ve been casual Friday.

37

Sex like Disney World…2 hour wait for one-minute ride

38

I brought some “misfortune” cookies I made to a pot-luck at work a few years ago. I can’t remember them all offhand but one of the cookies I made was slightly larger than all the others so I inserted the fortune “You just had to take the biggest one, didn’t you? You fat pig”.

39

“Never smell the inside of a hat”
Kept that one in my wallet for a long time

40

This cookie contains penicillin for your after-dinner convenience.

Expiration date: Jun '85

You Have Won Second Prize in a Beauty Prize. Collect $10.

As long as you haven’t read this, your wish will come true.

Classic: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.