Okay, I am currently assigned to observe a local middle school class twice a week for two hours as part of my studies to get my teaching certification. (I have a career switch in the offing.)
The other day one of the guidance counselors who I had not met brought a new student to introduce him to the class. I made an a teeny excuse to introduce myself to her and interview her (the counselor–and really, I do need to write a short paper that she gave me some good information for). I think she is absolutely hot. She is educated, nice, voluptuous, and has jet-black hair and eyes that are sooo sexy.
So anyway, I’m trying to figure out, what, if anything, I should do. I’m not even sure she’s single, though there was no ring on her hand. (As part of our conversation about working with children I asked her if she had any of her own. Her reply: “I’m 30, and working on it.” then she changed the subject.) Side point: I am also 30.
I know better than to just ask her out cold, especially because I have to observe at this school through December. I don’t want to make her or myself uncomfortable, or cause an awkward situation. So I told her I’d like to participate more at the school. This is technically true, and can’t hurt my resume either. But one of the goals of doing that is to find a way to get to know her, and at least see if she’s even available. Does this seem like a bad idea? What else can I do?
I figure after my observation is done I might just call her up and lay my cards on the table. Is THAT a bad idea?
Nope, I say talk to her when you see her around and get to know her a little better. This will give you a slightly better gauge of her current situation. Then, if you guys get along, after everything is said and done, just ask if she’d like to get together sometime.
Disclaimer: this is coming from a single 29 year old male who hasn’t had a date in far longer than I should. FAR longer.
Dating is so much easier the older you get. You stop thinking so much is riding on whether she accepts or not. But at my age, what are the odds an attractive, educated woman IS single?
Bleh. Never ask a woman if “she’d like to get together sometime”! Feel her out (not literally, yet…) for a common interest and then ask her to do something specific with you, that you would also enjoy yourself.
Not a bad idea, though it may be hard to implement beyond our common area (the school, working with kids) that we already have. She is latina, and active in the local Latino community. I can’t easily get into that without looking a little strange and maybe like a poser though, as I am lily-white.
That comment throws up a flag to me. The last person I know who put it that way is in the middle of the adoption process. I hate to say it, but “working on it” rather than “not yet but I hope to” sounds to me like she’s got already someone helping her with the project…but I hope I’m wrong
I have to say though, that this OP makes me kind of happy. You’re a bit older than me and had the same sort of reaction to someone you just met as I did over the summer. I guess we don’t grow out of quickly formed crushes, huh? and maybe at least one of us will actually get somewhere. see? I’m not a complete cynic. I said complete!
I dunno. I kinda figured the opposite, from the way her body language changed. She looked at the flor, threw her age out there, and changed the subject. I would think women in real relationships are a little more positive about them. I got the impression she might not have expected to be childless at 30 when she was younger. How many women do?
I get the opposite impression: that she’s humping every seed-bearing male in sight in an effort to impregnate herself.
So, Lizard, go for it.
There is, of couse, a chance that she’s an alien and will poke you to death with sharp spinicle thingies after intercourse, in a Nathasha Henstridge in Species kinda way.
Being a 30 year old Latina, she might just be tired of every relative she has asking her when she’s going to pop out a sprog. (Just a theory, based on virtually no knowledge of Latin American culture, but having been a 30 year old woman at some point in my history). You want to know if she’s single, ASK HER. Don’t ask about the kids.
As for the dating, you’re probably right that it’s not a great idea until you’re almost done at the school. But you can certainly become an acquaintance of hers in the meantime, being careful not to allow yourself to slide into the “Friend Zone,” from which there usually isn’t any return.
I think that is pretty right but not specific enough. I have become a dating guru for my young coworkers, which would be laughable if they only knew, because my master plan of dating seems to work. Someone at work tried to get me to go on a blind date with a friend of hers. As ajoke I said that “I don’t date anyone that I am not having sex with.”
This has been frequently mentioned since and I have been forced to concoct a philosophy to explain myself. It goes like this. I have a friend whose daughter goes out with me when she visits Sydney because, like her, I love live music. She is 22 or 23, I am over 50. If our outings were dates…yuck. Similarly when I go out with friend’s wives or people I work with…there is no sexual content at all. So they are not dates.
So if I tell someone I am going to the Museum of Contemporary Art at 2pm on Saturday and they are welcome to come along, that is not a date. Nor even an invitation really. No need to even wait for an answer…I’ll get one on Saturday.
Seems to be working well for the guys at work. The trick is to not ask her to do something with you. Tell her what you are doing and let her reveal her cards.
The “working on it” may mean she’s sick of being asked, may mean she’s married and working on it, may mean she’s been answering personals. You won’t know unless you ask her.
DO NOT ask a third party. I know one guy who was interested in me in college but the girl he asked about my bf status had a crush on him and went for “if he can’t be mine, he’s not going to be hers!” By the time he found out that I did not have a bf, he was already dating someone else.
