I have a horrible ache in my lower back, and my complexion looks like something from a discount mortuary. I have been eating all day. (Current snack: Ritz Bits with cheese filling. Mmmmm…salty! Eat 'em all up!)
Just to make my condition as obvious as possible, I found myself at the supermarket last night, wearing baggy sweats, with the following items on the conveyor belt:
[ul]
Tampons
Spray ‘n’ Wash
Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey
Pringles (2 cans)
[/ul]
Not only am I bloated, I’m a friggin’ stereotype. Fuck.
I was just about to start my own thread about PMS. Fuck that. I’m in a bad fucking mood. A bad bad bad bad fucking mood. I hate everybody. I don’t look good. I don’t feel good. I want to break something. I want to eat ice cream all fucking day long. Ice cream can fix this. Ice cream, fried pork chops, french fries, and a butterscotch milkshake can fix this. Make that three fucking butterscotch milkshakes. Three goddamned motherfucking butterscotch milkshakes can motherfucking fix this. And when I finish eating, I will put on some drawstring pants, my fucking fuzzy slippers and the biggest sweatshirt I can find in my husband’s closet, and I will not let him near me or the remote, only the dogs. But even they are in trouble.
You have my deep sympathies, ladies. I’ve always considered it a great injustice that, as wonderful as you female types are, as much as you give our lives meaning, you have to go through this ordeal that ranges anywhere from merely inconvenient to excruciating.
Though having recently witnessed the end-results of all you go through, I must say I am completely in awe of the miracle that is you, vis - the whole baby factory.
And as much as you have to put up with from us vaginally-impaired types, I, for one, would take up your burden myself if I could. In leiu of that, however…
::starts tossing out boxes of chocolate cookies to the room::
Oy. I’m with y’all. Ever since I was 12, I’ve had godawful cramps for 2 days out of every month. Went on the Pill at 17 for just this reason (yay for the added contraceptive side effect!) and just went off it last December. I have to say that I didn’t really find the cramps that much better on the Pill. Granted, I didn’t have as many months where I was physically incapacitated for 2 days, but I still had them occasionally.
But the past 2 months were interesting. Last month? Spent an entire day with the dry heaves, the pain was so bad. This month? I had a twinge or two that sent me running for the ibuprofen, but that was it. It was nice to have a respite for once…
I know this won’t help Jarbabyj but I just read in a woman’s magazine that many OB/GYN’s are prescribing The Pill without the placebo or sugar pills - straight birth control pills for a full 90 or 100 days at a stretch - so that women are having periods only three or four times a year. There is apparently no addional risk (Unless you are a smoker over 35 who shouldn’t be on the pill anyway)and the benefits, well, I believe this thread outlines some of the benefits.
If I were ten years younger and not staring menopause in the face, I would really consider it. Just a thought for you younger wimmin.
I’ve been on it six years, have gained merely 10 pounds and fully enjoy the major side effect: I haven’t purchased or needed any girly products since 1995. I call it my allergy shot because I, too, am allergic to PMS.
Sorry Jarbaby. Hope you feel better in a couple of days. If you look into that Depo thing: you can still eat the chocolate and salty foods!
Ladies, you have my deepest sympathy. I’d be happy to fetch y’all cookies, chips or whatever you want. After reading this thread, however, I am inordinatly pleased that I have a penis, and am taking Big Dave and the Twins out for ice cream and a movie.
Wow, Jane, that sounds great! I would have gone for that if it had been available when I needed it.
I don’t know what Mother Nature was thinking. Reproductive years starting at 10, 11, or 12? Even 13, 14, or 15? Who in their right mind wants to reproduce that young? Reproductive years lasting 40 years? Who in their right mind would want to continue reproducing, even occasionally, for that long a stretch?
Amount, chunkiness, and regularity of discharge would be obsessed over by sombunall fellows in the same manner that plain old dick size is today. Male porn stars would be the outliers on the discharge bell curve who could, on those days, whip it out and have the results be something like that scene from Dead Alive where Lionel cuts his way out of Mama Zombie Beast’s belly and glorps out in several hundred gallons of ick.
As far as any results of alternate evolutionary history can be guaranteed, guaranteed.
Just looked at the calendar and realized why I was so aggresive on the boards yesterday (hockey game) and why I tore apart a stress ball today at work.
Looks like tomorrow I will be mounting the cotton pony as well.
::Goes to store and stocks up on smokes, beer, funyuns, and kit kats. Picks up refill of Vicodin::
Lemme see… Friday the wheel fell off my car, Saturday I had to call into work because I was getting said wheel fixed, Sunday I had to call into work because my grandfather had a stroke that morning. Monday I had a midterm, and Tuesday? Tuesday really beat the socks off the whole weekend. I got fired because I called in two days in a row (not suprised, I knew they were headhunting, I made too much money) AND I started my journey on the cotton pony.
So what did I do (after I stopped crying in the car)? Went to the grocery store, to get milk, and ended up coming home with milk, a can of Chocolate frosting, and a bag of animal crackers. I finished the frosting, and yea, it was good. I think it was a frosting to animal crackers in a 6 to 1 ratio.
Im fat, bloated, out of a job a month before Christmas, and dripping. I think EVERYONE knows to stay away by now…
You want to know what is really scary? My period came two weeks, that’s two weeks, late just so I could “ride the cotton pony” at the same time as jarbaby. I was wondering why my children were giving me a wide berth as they walk around me while making the sign of the cross in my direction.
I tried Depo for one cycle. It was EVIL. I bled heavily the entire time, my sex drive was dead - by that I mean the thought of sex actually repulsed me. Constant cramps, emotional roller coaster. It was a nightmare. Never again.
Luckily, hubby’s been fixed so I don’t need to worry about birth control. Just wish I also didn’t have to keep worrying about periods. The pill doesn’t agree with me, either, so no relief there. <sigh>
Aha…THAT’S why I was so damn depressed yesterday. And now I have to go apologize to a professor for skipping class because I had to go outside and cry. This happened last month too. Unrequited love sucks, and with extra hormones, it sucks beyond imagination.
Amen. I was on depo for a year, and while I had no periods at all…I was a bitch on wheels, crabby, weepy all the time, no sex drive. My husband said “I can see why this is an effective birth control, nobody wants to be near you”
