Calm, reserved, introspective, caring. Just don’t charge people crazy ‘processing fees’ and shit doesn’t have to get flipped.
Hell, a street vendor in Tunis got pushed once and The Entire Islamic World is still finding out what happens.
“So Yeshua, you have no idea what people have been doing in your name to our people…”
“Yes, I know, it’s like they don’t read the Torah at all, but we’re used to it, your Father looooves to fuck with us, and that’s never changed.”
“I know, it’s like he’s the child, and you’re trying to be a father to the people. Well, whatever, we know the contract is binding on both parties, kudos to you to trying to open it up to all the others though.”
“Yeah, that’s the part I like about you. Wish people would remember that part and not spend all their time demanding actions of others that they don’t adhere to themselves.”
“Well, been good talking to you, hope you can straighten out those who only use your imagery for hate.”
– and thus Buddy Christ came to all the gentiles, while his fellow Jews looked on in bemusement –
No, he would say the poor people can wait, buy something from Goop and wash my feet with it.
“HEY JESUS! Thanks for the couch.”.
Because I don’t own a couch. 
I’d be thinking “Geez, it’s Jesus. I should be asking him some questions… but he’s having SO much fun watching the game.”
“Maybe later when his mouth isn’t full of loaded nachos… man, does he love those, that’s cool.”
One reclines on my couch, so I’m sure he’d slip off his sandals first and lie back on the cushions. instantly the cats would invite themselves onto his person. He’d enjoy the view through the windows. Maybe he’d nap take a break from mending mens soles.
First thing, don’t offer him a cheeseburger. Or bacon.
I don’t know if he was the hippy Jesus or the cult leader Jesus. We know he isn’t punctual.
And don’t let anyone see him through the windows.
“Uh oh, here come the lepers.” </ Lenny Bruce>
You can slice it anyway you want, but the New Testament really isn’t a book with much of humor, but a very dry and earnest affair. I never got a laugh from reading it, though I sometimes laughed when reading the Old Testament. Judges is sometimes funny, for instance.
Yeah, I saw that before. I don’t buy it.
Cruel. But a useful reminder to not wear your first communion crucifix necklace around him.
I think his personality and morals would be similar to someone like Jimmy Carter, Keanu Reeves, or Dolly Parton.
Funny story: while thinking of this thread, I realized that my perception of Jesus the Biblical character has been almost completely informed by the character of Jesus from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar, which came out when I was ten years old. And even though I now realize that, it’s unlikely I’ll be able to change it.
Well, I disagree. I see plenty of humor in it, though I think a lot gets lost in translation and/or missed because people are expecting it to be very dry and earnest. But I think it would be very possible to make a film of the gospels and/or Acts with lots of humor in it, without being at all unfaithful to the source material.
Funnier than “Life Of Brian”? 
ETA: ok, on rethinking, I concede there are two funny scenes I remember from the gospels. Jesus casting out demons from a man into a herd of pigs that then run over a cliff, and Jesus condemning a fig tree to wilt because he was pissed about some minor inconvenience (don’t remember what the issue was). I both file them under absurdist humor.
He was upset that there were no figs to be had, as I recall.
Too bad this book didn’t make the cannon. Jesus was basically the kid in It’s a Good Life.
Here’s how the one famous story plays out in my head, at least. A crew of fishermen have spent a long, tiring day out on the lake hauling nets with no. luck. at. all. They give up and pull oars to bring the boat in, calling it a lousy, useless day. Hey, that carpenter guy is on the beach, talking it up with a small crowd that’s gathered. He shouts out to the boat, asks if they can pick him up and hold him a little off shore the better for preaching to the audience. …There’s just something about him. Peter sighs, and says ‘sure’. And so it was, until this Yeshua guy says 'okay, that’s enough. Thanks for your help, and if you’ll pull the boat out a hundred yards towards that grove of trees over there, you should throw your nets out again.
Peter answers before he can think, saying ‘sure’. What IS there about this guy? They do as advised and throw their nets out one. more. time, and try hauling them in. There’s a problem, the nets are barely moving. Great. The nets are fouled on something, and the only thing to do is work them loose, or else the crew is really in trouble. The nets are hardly moving, of course, because of all. the. fish. We can only imagine the look exchanged between Peter and Yeshua, but it must have been intense, complex, and personal. Me, I think there’s humor there as well, but it’s pretty rough humor.
Ohmigosh, I don’t expect everyone to believe this, but we’re both on the couch, and I handed him the remote. He closed his eyes and immediately… Life of Brian, 4K, close captioning in Aramaic.
We’re both laughing our asses off.
Why do you say this? I don’t anything much about the Bible but this doesn’t’ fit with my impression, for some reason.