Jesus joins Twitter

While reading something yesterday, I thought it would be funny if someone made a parody based on the assumption that Twitter existed during Jesus’ time and Jesus got an account there and became an active user.

Then I immediately thought that the Dope would be a great place for such a parody. I’m putting this in Cafe Society since this is where all the creative types are, so hopefully we can get some great contributions.

So, what would have Jesus tweeted?

e.g. @judas money isn’t everything

@world: Let me repeat myself. No killing. Anyone. Ever again, for any reason. No exceptions. Got it?

@Dad: Y 4saken me

(I don’t tweet so I may have missed the joke here)

Now that you mention his Dad, would Jesus have used OMG? :slight_smile:

@ SimonPeter @JamesSonOfZeb @John: Meet me at Mt. Tabor, there’s some people I’d like to you meet

2 L I GO s’truth

@world: Left door open. Mom asks if I was born in barn. LOL

@world: Was thinking would be funny if Zebedee’s last name was Doodah.

@Rome Just FTR, dude, thorns hurt.


@Rome Nails worse than thorns.

(Later still)

@Spearman Thought appreciated, but, OW.

@world: Think Andrew making eyes at me. Simon will kill him if he tries anything.

@world - wedding party never saw simon peter dump wine. thinks it started as water. ha ha. can only do reverse

@world - deth 4 suckrs, ttfn earth. brb 3 days :wink:

@scribes @pharisees: woe 2 U

@lazarus: come 4th

hahaha :smiley: Greatly enjoyed that

This reminds me of a story that made some news regarding the fact that one church tweeted a Passion Play this Easter. (There was also a group that tweeted the entire text of Ulysses this Bloomsday).

@world: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Yes, I know this is more than 140 characters – I am Jesus, after all.

@jesus- can u nuke a brrito so ht tht u urslf cnnt eat it?

Went a little nuts today the temple today, you should have seen their faces. Hee hee! :slight_smile:

@Brian y don u alwy lok on brit side my azz

Will be busy today with the #crucifixion. See y’all in 3 days. You too @Thomas.

Jesus > @devil stop standing behind me. It is creepy.

Jesus > @world back from my 40 days & 40 nights of isolation. Time to party! Bring the water, I’ll bring the wine!

Jesus > @Rome so when are we going to get together to crucify me?

Devil > @Jesus you were practically crucifying yourself at that party last night.