I just checked my OP to see if I wasn’t clear about this, but I was; perhaps you simply missed it.
Again, the class is mostly Jewish, and she didn’t ask a Single. Other. Jew. This. Question. Except. For. Me.
I hope this clarification helps you to see the issue.
Just a quick word about Reconstructionist Judaism: It’s funny that you say that we’re the Unitarians of Judaism because, whenever I try to think of a non-Jewish counterpart that mirrors RJ, especially in terms of our progressiveness, I think immediately of Unitarianism.
More accurately, though, RJ believes that Judaism evolves, that it’s not stagnant, and that, IME, is what has led us to be so progressive socially and religiously (female rabbis, LGBTQ-friendly, etc.) However, even though we’re progressive, it’s not as if just anything goes, or that we do things willy-nilly. We seriously engage with Jewish texts, philosophy, history, and each other whenever we make changes to the way we do things. (As Mordechai Kaplan, who established the Reconstructionist movement, said: Tradition has a vote, not a veto.) It is this considered approach to practicing Judaism, I think, that allows adherents of RJ to have a variety of personal practices individually (ranging from “Orthodox” to atheism) even though we’re members of the same movement. It’s really kinda cool.
Fellow Reconstructionists: Did I leave out anything important?
And I want to echo what both you and **Malthus ** said in that Judaism doesn’t actively seek out converts, nor does it make it easy for prospective converts, either. Like they say, a rabbi is supposed to deny a prospective convert three times in order to test the person’s sincerity.
Heh-heh. Naw, bubbe, I think I’ve got this one, but thanks anyway. 
I think I’ve heard a variation of this before, but it’s still cute and, more importantly, teaches a valuable lesson, so thank you very much for sharing it.
I understand what you’re saying (perhaps better than you might think I do), but as I alluded to somewhere upthread, I don’t especially mind if these things are being talked about between me and people with whom I’ve been acquainted long enough to more-or-less accurately gauge their intent. I really have an issue whenever people whom I don’t know from a bottle of spit do it.
You want fun? Try walking down the street and having someone (because they’ve noticed the Magen David earring that you wear, as I do) ask you if you’re Jewish, only to immediately follow up with potentially loaded questions like “Are you Shomer Shabbas?”, “So, do you keep kosher?”, “Can you read Hebrew?” or others along those lines.
Am I saying that these questions from people with whom I’m not familiar can *never *be harmless? No, not at all. However, my experience in class the other day, and my experiences over the years, has led me to believe that they are more often ways of seeing how I measure up as a Jew and not simply indicators of mere curiosity or testing the water so that they can admit to me with relief in their voices that they don’t, for instance, keep kosher outside of their homes, either.
I think you’re referring to some of the troubles that the Sephardim have had in Israel (and in the States), is that right? Yeah, I’ve heard about that stuff, too, but I haven’t heard anything lately, so I don’t know what the deal is now.
If I’ve missed your reference (and something tells me that I may have missed *some *of it), please, please let me know.
Yeah, that’s it. I wasn’t so much thinking about specific troubles as that I understad Sephardim have somewhat their own flavor, so I’m sure those specific aforementioned Orthodox (not to be mistaken with Orthodox who store their head above their necks) have a problem with them, too.
People who think they are the ones holding the key to Heaven and everybody else will burn, burn, burn seem to exist under any human label we can come up with. I’ve seen that kind of narrow-minded attitude re. politics, musical taste, geeky groups, religion, ancestry and probably a lot more things that simply don’t come to mind right now.
I hope things go well with your teacher and you can fight ignorance without any bloodshed 
Heh you are probably right in that.
Judaism is wonderful in a lot of ways, but it does not free individual Jews from a certain degree of pettiness.
In Judaism this often takes the form of snootiness over who is keeping “most Jewish” - that is, who conforms best with the norms and laws of Judaism. Anyone who looks different/suspected of being a convert is gonna get that snootiness most in their faces; those born Jewish get more of a free ride.
Yeah, I’ve been pretty lucky on that point. My family (apart from a 2nd cousin I never really liked much anyway) has always been really supportive. The worst I’ve had to deal with is the sort of “well-meaning” comments we’ve been talking about. (“Hey did you know so-and-so’s wife is such-and-such-ethnicity and they’re raising their kids Jewish too?” “That’s great, thanks… we’ll be sure to hang out with them and bond.”
)
That’s the hope, that’s the hope…
Yeah, as do the Reformed, but like I said, I’m born and raised conservative, and that’s hard to shake. And part of it is that, while I have no problem whatever branch of Judaism my kids are eventually drawn to, I want to be sure that option’s open to them, and that they aren’t “stuck with” Reform/Reconstructionist as the only ones that would accept them. Hence, the desire for “officialness”.
And to you…
Just wanted to say - best of luck with the Yiddish course! I also took Yiddish in university - not that I remember much now.
The Matrilineal descent thing is hard to shake. Lots of Jews feel, almost instinctively, that it is right and proper, and that accepting patrilineal descent is a wacky innovation - much like many feel about the husband taking the wife’s last name wouldn’t really be “correct” (or would be trying too hard to make a “statement”) even though really there is no difference.
I would say that the teacher really meant no offense. I’m Jewish too – a convert, although my ethnic heritage is half Ashkenazi – and I do a double-take whenever I see someone at the synagogue who has light blond hair, blue eyes, and a last name like Weinberg.
My synagogue is rather large, and it includes converts, the transgendered, Ethiopian Jews, you name it … except African-Americans. During Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, when everybody shows up, the sanctuaries are free of black faces, except for the paler skin of Ethiopians, and the few black spouses of interracial couples. It’s in a part of the region that is known for being racially integrated, and there are often black visitors on Friday night services. However, I assume they’re just Christians that are visiting and learning.
Yeah, it’s an old joke but it still makes me giggle.
Which leads me to a more serious answer to your OP–I’m just surprised that she was surprised that you’re Jewish. I mean, don’t we all know by now that there is a LOT of variety in Judaism? This is not to say that there aren’t huge numbers of Jews with stereotypical “Jewish” looks. There are. Maybe even the majority. Who knows? But there are zillions of Jews who look different. We’re everywhere. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that there really was a shul in a remote part of China!
I hate to say it, but you may be right. I never get those kinds of questions.
Many people think I don’t “look Jewish.” I have red hair, after all. A lot of Jews (and some other people) know that there are plenty of redheaded Jews, and can easily tell from looking at me that my heritage is Russian and not Irish, so they know I’m probably Jewish. But many many people see the red hair and assume I’m a gentile. They’re often quite surprised that I’m Jewish. I tell them “yeah, there are actually a lot of redheaded Jews.” Then I point out that I’m a dark-eyed redhead, which is typical of Eastern European redheads. And they usually say “oh, I didn’t know that” and that’s that. In fact, if I meet a dark-eyed redhead, I’ll often strike up a conversation with them, and if it seems like they won’t mind the question, I’ll ask if they’re Jewish (they always are) and where their heritage is from. Nobody’s ever had a negative reaction to that–in fact, they often ask me first–and always seem to be happy to meet a lanzman. (or lanzwoman, I guess!)
Jewish or not, nobody ever asks me if I’m Shomer Shabbas and so forth.
The only time that comes up is in a situation where a gentile with whom I’m acquainted has some questions about Judaism in general. So it’s never a question of “are you Jewish enough?” but more like a “I don’t know much about this stuff so can I ask you a few questions” kind of thing.
P.S. I should check to see if there’s a Reconstructionist synagogue around here. Sounds like it’s right up my alley.
On preview, I see this from Malthus–
Oh yeah, I forgot about that part. Only I don’t see it as snootiness, but attempts to make people feel guilty because they’re not “Jewish enough.” Or maybe it’s an attempt to inspire them to be more observant. Either way, it’s not any of their business.
And this tendency is one of the things that really interferes with my love of Judaism. I like being Jewish. I’m proud to be Jewish. I hate the fact that some people think I’m not a good enough Jew. And I get really annoyed and embarrassed for my people when one of those damned Lubavitchers accosts me on the street and tries to get me to shake his lulav.**
Anyway, I’d highly recommend the book Boychiks in the Hoodto anybody who is interested in Yiddish or in the ins and outs of Hasidic Judaism.
** For those that don’t know, the Lubavitchers are a group of Hasidic Jews who are very into conversion–but what they’re trying to do is “convert” less religious Jews into being more religious, and ideally joining their community. They prowl the streets of NYC with their “Mitzvah Tank,” which is a converted RV–basically a rolling shul–and try to get men to come in, put on tefillin, and pray with them. Even the name “mitzvah tank” betrays their manipulative nature. After all, a “mitzvah” is a good deed, and the importance of doing mitzvahs is emphasized throughout all branches of Judaism. (AFAIK, of course.) So you get that extra dose of guilt by refusing to go into the Mitzvah Tank. (Though I admit, the notion and name of the Mitzvah Tank is pretty funny.)
I was once really rude to a poor little Lubavatcher boy one Hannukah. I shouldn’t have done that, because he didn’t know any better…but what happened was that he accosted me outside of Penn Station. Since he was a kid, I thoughtlessly answered honestly when he asked “are you Jewish?” (I routinely lie to adult Hasidim who ask me that.) He started preaching to me about the importance of Hannukah and tried to give me a menorah!! I snapped “what makes you think I don’t have a menorah! I have three of them!” (true at the time.) I was offended by the fact that he assumed that since I look completely secular, that I am totally nonreligious. Well, I AM totally non-religious, but the assumption is pretty rude, especially because to them, “non-religious” is not a good thing. (And at that time, I only lit the menorah and said prayers when a goyish friend was over. They always wanted me to do it, and I was happy to oblige. Now my son goes to the JCC, so he’s all into it, so I do it. Otherwise I wouldn’t.)
I assume the Lubavitchers know that what they do is considered rude and intrusive by some, but I guess they think it’s worth it.
And for what it’s worth, I do enjoy a little bit of schadenfreude at the fact that some Hasidic sects look down on the Lubavitchers because they think that they’re not Jewish enough!!
(No offense meant to any Lubavitchers who may be reading this. I’m sure you’re lovely people. But seriously–keep your etrog to yourself, m’kay? Thanks.)
Green Bean, being a fellow Russian redhead, I know exactly where you’re coming from. And my last name is Irish, so I get the hairy eyeball quite a bit.
Robin, who prefers her corned beef sliced thin on rye with a little mustard.
May I ask, how did she (and you) know who in the class was Jewish and who was not Jewish? I assume she went around the room and asked? Since you said this:
And is this a religious school? If not, this seems like a very odd question to ask in a language/culture class. As you said, it’s not a social situation. She can just as well ask, “Who has a Jewish name that they would like to use?”, as the class progresses it will become obvious which students have personal and family stories that they would like to share. The students who don’t, they don’t need to be singled out for this on day 1.
IJSTM that maybe part of the problem is that she is setting up a sorta Jewish/non-Jewish divide in her classroom, that it’s not really necessary for her to do so. I assume there are other students in the class who don’t fall in the category of “lifelong practicing Jew with 2 Jewish-born parents”, this setup might not be much more amusing for them either. This is an intro-level language class, everyone should start out feeling like they belong there, otherwise you have some students that doesn’t feel as comfortable to jump in and speak the language.
Anyhow, if this is a nondenominational school then this might be something to address (I have to admit I would do it in the anon reviews). If it is a religious school … I still think it’s an odd setup for a language class, where the primary goal is to get every student speaking and understanding Yiddish.
Li’l Pluck, I just want to write in to express my support and sympathy for you in your situation. And also to give a shout-out to a Reconstructionist!
Growing up I attended a Reconstructionist synagogue, because I am a ‘patrilineal descent’ Jew and my parents wanted me to be raised Jewish, in a supportive environment (Reform would work now, but when I was first going to religious school the Reform synagogues in our area had less positive attitudes than they tend to now. My mother is very into Judaism but she didn’t convert before marriage due to growing up in a fundamentalist Baptist family that she wanted to remain close to, and after we started attending the Reconstructionist shul there was no point.
This long-winded explanation goes to this point: I do not ‘look Jewish’ (blonde, blue-eyes - just like my Jewish dad!) and I now attend Conservative or Orthodox synagogues (having no other options). I do have a Jewish surname, due to the patrilineal descent thing.
I believe in my soul that I am a Jew, have always been and always will be, and that is, to me, what matters when I am praying in synagogue or doing other rituals or Jewish things.
But it really gets me down when other Jews, well-meaning (usually), tell me, not knowing my history, that I don’t ‘look Jewish’ or am not ‘really Jewish’*. It bothers me so much that I nearly went through with a formal conversion, hoping to eradicate the depth to which this upset me. But I decided to be who I was, and embrace my Jewish identity, unusual or even upsetting as it may be to some.
Sorry for the ridiculously long post, but I just wanted to let you know that there are other people who understand why you feel sucky about this, and who are really upset by it.
Judaism is monotheistic, but not monolithic. It never has been, it never will be and anyone trying to make it that way is trying to crush some of what is greatest about our faith. Why else would the rabbis have left dissenting opinions in the Talmud if not to encourage diversity of thought and of everything else?
Shabbat Shalom!
*Also, for some reason, lots of non-Jews think that either of these two statements are rrrrreally interesting to say to me. This is fs$%£$%ing annoying, but I am less irritated by this from non-Jews because often those saying it to me are in some way trying to communicate that they are not totally ignorant of Judaism and ‘mean well’, too. In their case, I believe them.
That’s the part that jumped out at me too–if I’m not Jewish don’t assign me a name, but let me be just as legitimate of a participant in a language class.
Plucky, I’m born Jewish and look it - extremely “Jewish” shnozz - and I even moved to Israel* some time ago, and right until I left there whenever I met someone for the first time and we talked about my moving there, it would inevitably be asked “Are you Jewish?”. Jewish-looking guy, in Israel, speaking Hebrew, made aliyah, but still the question must come.
The burning irony for me is that I never knew what to reply, because I’m actually ardently atheist, and it feels dishonest to me to call myself Jewish. However, as any stroll through a “Jewish” thread here will reveal, Jews still consider me Jewish. I still don’t know what the right answer to that question is for me, best I’ve come up with is “I’m not religious”.
Anyway, just shrug it off for now, and see how this teacher’s attitude to you is in future.
I will reveal something that nobody seems to want to touch - Jews are not above being racist, and it may well be you’ve got one.
I even met one! Very sweet girl, married an American and now they live in Jerusalem. Or were last year anyway.
I would start every term by making sure that everyone in the class was supposed to be. Mistakes were common. If someone came in late, I might ask them too. I see nothing wrong with the question.
That said, I have to admit that black Jews are not common and non-Jews studying Yiddish are even rarer. One can be momentarily taken aback, but that does not imply any ill-will or prejudice. I am reminded of a story told me by a HS teacher about 55 years ago. (He was Jewish and so am I.) A student took off a Jewish holiday (the teacher didn’t–he wasn’s religious and was not about to take unpaid leave). When he asked a student about his absence the next day, the guy replied (in different words, since the language has changed significantly in 55 years), “I already have two strikes against me, I’m black and I’m Jewish and now I have you on my case.”
I know only one person who is a convert (she is married to a good friend of mine), but I would never ask. I learned from this thread that it is somehow formally forbidden to ask. Never knew that.
Sundown’s coming, folks. Time to let this thread rest for a day. 