FOX actually gives Evan $50,000,000!
Of course, like every good lottery, it is paid over time.
He will get $19,000 a year for the next 2,361.5 years.
I am so clueless, How do I quote one of you guys?.. Geez I got to make a thread in GQ and learn things…
But, my point is Xizor has a great idea here…
And I just had to say to The Controvert, you got me laughing so hard on the Melissa comment… ohhhhh it feels good!!
Well, maybe he won a scholarship.
…and the award for Most Implausible Theory of 2003 goes to…
Guns? GUNS???
Heck no!
I’m hoping for bayonettes or baseball bats!
Or maybe the kicked off women can lay seige to the castle with real medivel siege weapons!
Final episode:
First 30m: Stuff happens. Two commercial breaks.
Next 10m: Some supposedly nasty but ultimately boring stuff happens. Commercial.
Next 6m: Decision time! Commercial.
Next 6m: Hem, haw, hem, haw. Commercial.
Next 1m: “Stay tuned! He’s getting ready to make the big decision now! We’ll be right back!”
Conclusion: Evan finally realizes that Sara isn’t the real deal and picks Zora. She’s…pleased. Not overjoyed, though, and you can see a twinge of doubt on her face.
Confession time: Evan revals all. Zora is like, “Oh…really. Wow. Yeah, I kinda suspected something.”
Wrapup:
Zora declines continuing this relationship further, on the grounds that it was a cheesy reality TV stunt, and we all know how well relationships built on those work out.
“Then why did you come here in the first place?” Paul asks. “Well, I was kinda hoping that he’d be really intelligent and charming and a great guy to be around. After that completely failed to pan out, I was pretty much just going along for the ride.”
Whooooo, zing, ouch, etc…
Then suddenly, whatshername the host (as if this show even needed one) comes out of nowhere and says, “Congratulations, Zora, for making it all the way to the end! And even though it didn’t quite work out for you, we figured you deserve a little reward for your trouble.”
She has an envelope. Inside is…
…is…
A $200 gift certificate for Fox merchandise. (“This to go along with your new jewelry, of course, which is all yours to keep!”)
Zora looks disappointed, but doens’t grumble. Evan just looks relieved that it’s all over. Eveveryone goes home and puts this whole dumb spectacle behind them.
The end.
(Hey, I’m telling you, it’ll be a helluva lot closer to this than any of the far more interesting scenarios you’ve dreamed up. 
)
I gotta agree with the “what a waste of time” for this episode.
What I want for the twist is for all of the producers to fall into abject poverty for subjecting us to that doggy poo of reruns from previous dates.
But my real guess is that Evan doesn’t pick either, but that he tells the truth and then allows Sarah and Nora to pick for themselves. Both say “thanks but no thanks”. The end.
I figure that he tells them he only makes $19,000 a year, he picks someone, she says no, and then he tells them that he does have $50 million…he inhereted it from a great aunt or something, but he still only makes $19 grand a year.
And then everyone goes home crying.
Actually that is what he’s going to do. The “coming up next” segment shows him confessing, then whomever he picked has time to decide whether it’s yes or no, and meet him in the ballroom with her decision.
I’m hoping Al Qaeda takes out Fox’s satellite.
That would be cool.
I agree, but I’m angling for rapiers. I want to see if his fencing lessons were as effective as his training to ride a horse.
Yah know, after reading all this really good speculation, and knowing Fox’s lousy track record on this sort of thing…I’m tempted to say that the “twist” is that there is no twist. Evan announces he’s got no dosh, the ladies pretend to look surprised, Paul the Butler sniggers, everyone goes home.
Then everyone starts speculating on what form “Joe Millionaire II” will take. It’s what Fox wants…isn’t it?
How about this?
Evan picks Sara. Evan then reveals to each of the girls that he doesn’t have any money. The butler then gives Sara a choice: She can either keep all of the jewelry that she’s acquired thus far (worth $30,000), or she can have Evan and give up the jewelry.
Sara decides that she just can’t trust Evan any more (sob) and that she’d prefer the jewelry.
Paul then reveals that all of the jewelry given out so far has been fake (really worth only $300). And all of the other girls (except Sara) will have their jewelry replaced with real jewelry. Plus, Evan gets $1 million for playing. Sara gets a coach flight home and taxi fare.
Evan then shags Alex McLeod after getting her drunk on cooking wine (which he thinks is the best French wine he’s ever tasted!).
Paul
I was going to finish by saying that Paul then reveals that he’s the one with $50 million and that the first girl who sleeps with him gets it all. Melissa does exactly that. Paul then reveals to Melissa that he doesn’t have any money either.
The thing is, those kinds of twists won’t work. Sara could always say she’ll keep the jewelry, then look up Evan after the show and hook up with him on her own.
Fox might be able to get away with something like “We’ll give you a million dollars, but you have to promise to stay completely out-of-touch with each other for one year, and to have us monitor you to make sure you don’t break your promise.”
I’d justs like to say that Evan embodies the term “big galoot”, and I have never seen someone that technically handsome that managed to actually look that incredibly stupid at the same time. It’s really quite amazing.
How about this:
- Evan chooses a girl.
- The producers then give Evan a choice: either you can have the girl you chose, or a million dollars to walk away.
This way we can see that not only are women totally shallow gold-diggers… so are men.
Ooooo, Hand! EGGSELLENT!!!
I just hope the “twist” isn’t like those Pepsi twist commercials.
Another dumb idea would be that the runner- up gets to be the lead role in “Josephine Millionaire”, which will have the same premise.
A cool turn-of events, however, would be that Evan is actually an android that cost $50 million to build and program. That would be cool.
Nah, the twist is gonna be that the chicks actually fell in love with each other and they wanna be with each other, not with Evan.
I think the twist is going to be that Evan is the little boy from The Santa Clause.
“How do you know that Santa doesn’t exist?”
. . .“I’ve never seen him.”
“Have you ever seen a million dollars?”
. . .“No.”
“Then how do you know that it exists?”