Electrical supply joke:
How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a person?
One per socket.
How many school administrators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to chair the faculty committee to look into ways of rewriting the curriculum to address this new trend, one to assure the parents that the school is moving to correct the problem, and one to screw the bulb into the hot water faucet.
Liberal Arts Major: 2 is prime. 3 is prime. 4 is prime…
No, no, no…its “does anal retentive get an M dash or an N dash?”
(An M dash is the long dash used to offset phrases. An N dash is the short dash used to connect words.)
I have a couple of math jokes.
Three statisticians were going hunting. The first one aims at a rabbit and overshoots to the left. The second one overshoots to the right. The third one shouts, “We’ve got it!”
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When the math professor’s wife returns home from work, she finds an envelope on the living room table. She opens it and finds a letter from her husband:
My dearest wife,
We have been married for nearly thirty years, and I still love you as much as on the day I proposed. You must realize, however, that you are now 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I very much hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you’re reading this, I’m in a hotel room with an 18-year-old freshman girl from my calculus class. I’ll be home before midnight.
Your husband, who will never stop loving you.
When the professor returns from the hotel shortly before midnight, he also finds an envelope in the living room. He opens it and reads:
My beloved husband,
You may recall that you, too, are 54 years old and no longer able to satisfy certain needs I still have. I thus hope that you are not hurt to learn that, while you’re reading this, I am in a hotel room with the 18-year-old pool boy.
Your loving wife.
P.S. As a mathematician, you are certainly aware of the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don’t stay up and wait for me.
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And, of course, every mathematicians favorite joke, let epsilon be less than zero!
-Mosquito
Q: Why do people join the Air Force?
A: Because they can’t take the discipline in the public service.
It’s a regulatory requirement (crew rest requirements) that naval aircrew get at least eight hours sleep a day. The sleep that they get at night is a bonus!
(When describing to a pilot what a warfare officer does): Warfare officers are like pilots, only with bigger dicks!
J. Uriel Sampiro, Pathetic Academic Glory Whore: I actually wrote that one. It was at my first job on a day when I was pissed at two co-workers who felt shelving and weeding were beneath them and really would e-mail the dean about it and others were equally cantankerous. I started an e-mail to my supervisor [who was a cool lady] with this joke [only longer, more personalized and biting in its original form], she put it on a listserve in something closer to its current format and soon it was everywhere. A similar thing happened with a Gilbert & Sullivan parody I wrote about librarianship that gained a life re: listserves and was published in LIBRARY JOURNAL.
Lots of dictionaries in the telecom world:
Bandwidth: Depends on the size of the stage
Async: Place to wash your hands
Bisync: Where Elton John washes his hands
Block Parity: Lots of people having a really good time
Carrier Detect: Indicates the mail man has been spotted
Broadband: All girl musical group
Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns
Multisync: Can be sunk more than once
Serial Interface: A spoon
Web site: The dark space under the stairs
self-mocking teacher joke:
I wrote a terrific lesson plan, only to have the wrong students show up.
Actually, a hyphen is what’s used to connect words. An en dash is used to indicate ranges.
Not that I’m anal retentive or anything.
I have heard the same joke with regards to aviation. Unfortunately it isn’t really a joke, just a fact of life, aeroplanes often cost more money than they make.
From my days in the Navy.
It never ends well when . . .
An E-3 says “Don’t worry, I learned how to do this in A-school”
A Petty Officer First Class says “Yes you can go home early, as soon as I inspect your work”
An Ensign says “In my experience . . .”
An XO says “You know, I’ve been thinking . . .”
A CO says “We’re going to be serving a special dinner for the crew tonight”
A Chief says “C´mere and check out this shit!”
Here’s a whole page of dispatcher jokes.
My favorites from “You know you have been a dispatcher too long when”:
“Your idea of a good night involves someone getting shot, chased or dismembered.”
“You think it’s funny when a would-be suicide gets bored waiting for the gas from the stove to do it’s thing and lights a cigarette to pass the time resulting in an explosion that leaves her neighbors homeless but she still survives.”
“If an officer screams over the radio that a nuclear bomb has just detonated, you’d just ask the “20” of the mushroom cloud and assign it an eight digit case number.”
“You inform your teenager, ‘I will always know’.”
“You truly believe stupidity should be painful.”
They’re funny 'cause they’re true. 
“The viola burns longer.”
An old memory from my days as an economics major:
A plane filled with university professors crash landed on a desert island. Most of the passengers survived, and luckily, they found a few crates of canned food. Unfortunately, they had no way to open the cans.
A chemistry professor said, “I can mix sea water, coconut milk and some of the plane’s fuel to create an acid that will eat through the cans.”
An engineering professor said, “I can use spare parts from the plane to devise a rudimentary blade to cut through the cans.”
The economics professor said, “Let’s assume there’s a can opener…”
Linguists themselves don’t use this joke, but we get it all the time:
“So, are you a cunning linguist?”
Mildly funny the first time. Increasingly creepy thereafter. Especially when your dentist asks you this.
Two engineering student were riding their bikes across campus. The second student says the the first, “That’s a spiffy new bike. Where did you get it.”
The first student replies, " I was walking on campus yesterday when a beautiful blonde rode up on her bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said 'take what you want!;"
The second student said “Good decision. I doubt her clothes would fit you.”
A rational expectations economist and his friend are walking down the street when, seeing a 20 dollar billl on the sidewalk, the friend exclaims, 'Hey, theres 20 dollars!"
The Rational Expectations economist replied, “No there isn’t”
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Three econometricians are out hunting when they see a great big buck. The first one shoots and misses ten feet to the right. The second one shoots and misses ten feet to the left. The third one shouts, “Got him!”
Additionally: “You’ve risen to your present position on a large quantity of hot air.”