Who runs the PLO office in St. Paul? Yassir Youbetcha.
What’s Saddat?
Sandwich Island-bound airline traveler to his eastern-European seatmate:
Do you know if they pronounce it “Ha-WHY-ee” or “Hah-VI-ee?”
“Hah-VI-ee”
“Thank you.”
“You’re Velcome.”
Shouldn’t that be 239 beans?
So where is the would-be buyer supposed to be from? 
Floor and Flaw do not sound alike in New England, not even when said by old Mainers. The joke in the chevy Concorde commerical (about the kid being concieved “in Concord” meaning the car) falls flat too, because Concorde and Concord aren’t pronounced the same either - but Concord and Conquered nearly are.
After years of promises, a guy goes to meet his Scots relatives.
He meets his Great Auntie at the house and asks after all his cousins and such.
When he gets to his Great Uncle, the old lady heaves a great sigh;
“Ach! He’s nae here nae more.”
Shocked and somewhat guilty, the guy offers his sincere condolences, but the old lady says,
“Nae, Ah mean he’s bald!”
An Englishman goes into an American diner and orders the soup of the day. When he sees it he says, ‘Good lord! What is this?’ The waitress says, ‘It’s bean soup.’ To which the Englishman replies, ‘I don’t care what it’s been! What is it now?’
An unsophisticated girl from the hills goes to the big city for the first time to visit her cousin. They spend a day seeing the sights, the country cousin looks around in awe and wonder. Late in the afternoon, they walk past a photographer’s studio and decide to have a portrait made.
The photographers seats them, readies his camera, and as he’s adjusting the leans, the country cousin asks curiously, “What’s he doin?”
“He’s trying to focus.”
“Both of us?”
Groucho: “Now, let’s discuss the matter of taxes.”
Chico: “Hey! Datsa where my brother live.”
Groucho: “Your brother lives where?”
Chico: “In Texas.”
Groucho: “No, I’m talking about taxes. Money, dollars.”
Chico: “Datsa right. Dallas, Texas.”
(From Duck Soup.)
Also, I heard the ‘no flaw in the house’ in an Abbott & Costello routine from the thirties, referring to the upstairs neighbor in Lou’s apartment building. They’d previously had some confusion about the neighbor’s rent including board, which Bud had to explain that the neighbor ate, to Lou’s evident confusion. (“She eats boards?”) When Bud told him that the neighbor was also happy because the room had no flaw, Lou was incensed. “She’s only been moved in a few days, and she’s already eaten the floor!” “Now, calm down, Lou …” “Calm down! CALM DOWN! Her floor is my ceiling!!”
I dont get it? I tried saying it normally and with an “aussie accent” and still don’t get it.
A favourite of mine;
A garbage man knocks on a japanese man’s door. the jap says "harro. what you want?"garbage man asks “where’s your bin?” “i bin on loo” say’s jap. “no mate, where’s ya dustbin?” “i dust bin on loo!” says jap. “no, no mate, where’s your wheelie bin?” “hokay, i wheelie bin having a wank!”
In the stereotypical (up here) Australian accent, ‘basin’ sounds like ‘bison’. You can wash your face in a basin, but not in a buffalo.
“Ve ran out of radishes, Soviet Unions”.
Right movie, but not Groucho. Ming the Merciless. 
(Charles Middleton)
Oh, that’s right. And Chico somehow graduated mid-scene from prisoner to minister. That whole thing was kind of confusing … Must have been a Marx Brothers movie. 
(groan) I can’t believe I did that. Yes, 239 beans.
An Irishman is being interviewed for a job. The interviewer is determined to prove that he is stupid, so he asks him to go to the whiteboard and solve some maths problems.
The first question is easy. 2 + 1.
Paddy thinks for a minute, then draws what looks like a trunk, branches and leaves. He stands back and smiles at the interviewer. “Explain your answer, please”
“tree” is the reply.
The interviewer starts thinking that the irishman is a bit of a smartarse. “Multiply that by 11”
Paddy thinks a bit longer, and then smudges and scuffs his original picture.
“dirty tree”, he says.
The interviewer is now fairly pissed off, and asks, “100 divided by 3”
The irishman look at his drawing, and sketches a small pile of what looks like dog excrement under the existing image.
“What the hell is that?”, asks the interviewer.
“dirty tree and a turd”
Si
This is the form of the joke I remember reading:
Real estate agent: Now here is a house without a flaw.
South Carolina belle: Really? So what do y’all walk on?
I’m afraid that doesn’t work - no one in Scotland pronounces “hair” similar to “here”. “Hair” and “hare” are the same, “here” and “hear” are the same, but the 1st pair are different from the 2nd.
It’s essential to use an Irish accent in this one:
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?
T’ be sure, t’ be sure.
Shortly after DeGaulle stepped down from office, he and his wife were invited to a dinner at the American Embassy. As all the guests were sitting around the table chatting, the wife of the ambassador asks Mme DeGaulle, “Your husband was so terribly busy handling all the matters of state while he was President. Now that he’s retired, is there anything in particular you’re looking forward to?”
Mme. DeGaulle thinks for a moment and says “A penis.”
After a moment, DeGaulle leans over to his wife and whispers “I believe zey pronounce it, ‘appiness’.”
Cop stops a Georgia hillbilly.
Cop says “Got any ID?”
Guy says, " 'bout what?"