Mr. Jarbaby’s sister is here visiting for the weekend, after her first year of college. She’s a woman of the world now, and I thought it would be best to distribute this list for your reference:
Here’s what SHE knows:
Everything about psychology and the human mind
Everything about art
Who is ugly, who is attractive
What we all should be eating
What we all should be wearing
What we all should be listening to
Where I should live
How I should market my novel
How Mr. Jarbaby should forward his acting career
What we should feed our dog
When I should have a baby
Where the best city in the world is
How I should decorate my house
How her mom should decorate her house
How I should wear my hair
How I should drive
How I should vote
The one true faith
What? You’re married to my ex co-worker’s brother?
Honestly, I commiserate. But keep in mind, one day, she’ll realize she’s been wrong all along, and then she’ll feel like an idiot. Well, we can hope, can’t we?
Send her right over to the middle east; there are some Israelis and Palestinians who need some assistance.
How silly of me to think she’d be interested in anything as inconsequential as my car.
When she’s done there I hear they’re having some difficulties in Northern Ireland she might be able to work out in her spare time. Should be no big deal for someone like that.
I don’t know shit 'bout coal, either. Does that mean I get a spanking, too?
She doesn’t know shit about cooking. After Anthracite is done with her, I’ll slap her around with a spatula.
When I was 16 I came to the realization that my parents weren’t stupid and I didn’t know everything. Of course today I usually assume that I’m right about something until someone presents me with evidence to the contrary. But I can recognize when I’m wrong. She’ll probably outgrow it in a few years when she makes her way in the real world.
Out of curiosity, what is the one true faith? If it turns out that in the afterlife I get to kill Vikings all day and then booze and make merry all night, it’d go a long way toward alleviating this whole post-industrial ennui thing I’ve got going.
jarbabyj, you are so lucky! I have known people in the past who have had the ultimate knowledge of certain subjects (like the one friend who knew everything about theatre and the one who knew everything about politics). But I have never known someone with such a vast knowledge of everything!
Hubby and I need some financial counseling so that we can manage to buy a house before we retire. Could you send her over here to show us what we need to do? I am sure that if anyone can guide us, she can
