Just for Your Information

Mr. Jarbaby’s sister is here visiting for the weekend, after her first year of college. She’s a woman of the world now, and I thought it would be best to distribute this list for your reference:

Here’s what SHE knows:

Everything about psychology and the human mind
Everything about art
Who is ugly, who is attractive
What we all should be eating
What we all should be wearing
What we all should be listening to
Where I should live
How I should market my novel
How Mr. Jarbaby should forward his acting career
What we should feed our dog
When I should have a baby
Where the best city in the world is
How I should decorate my house
How her mom should decorate her house
How I should wear my hair
How I should drive
How I should vote
The one true faith

Here’s what everyone else in the world knows:


Just thought you’d want to know.


What? You’re married to my ex co-worker’s brother?

Honestly, I commiserate. But keep in mind, one day, she’ll realize she’s been wrong all along, and then she’ll feel like an idiot. Well, we can hope, can’t we?

My car’s making a funny noise, wanna send her over and get that straightened out for me?

Thanks in Advance!


Yup. That pretty much sums up what one-year’s worth of a college education will do for you.

Send her right over to the middle east; there are some Israelis and Palestinians who need some assistance.

How silly of me to think she’d be interested in anything as inconsequential as my car.

When she’s done there I hear they’re having some difficulties in Northern Ireland she might be able to work out in her spare time. Should be no big deal for someone like that.


She doesn’t know shit about coal. Send her my way, I’ll give her a bare-bottomed spanking.

Damn. After THREE years of college I don’t know all of that. I must be wasting my time.

I don’t know shit 'bout coal, either. Does that mean I get a spanking, too? :smiley:
She doesn’t know shit about cooking. After Anthracite is done with her, I’ll slap her around with a spatula.

Sometimes attributed (I think falsely) to Mark Twain:

I wonder if she knows how to get this thing off my finger, I got it from my nose and I’m having a hell of a time getting rid of it.


When I was 16 I came to the realization that my parents weren’t stupid and I didn’t know everything. Of course today I usually assume that I’m right about something until someone presents me with evidence to the contrary. But I can recognize when I’m wrong. She’ll probably outgrow it in a few years when she makes her way in the real world.


I notice that the list of What She Knows is lacking the phrase:

How To Get Along With Your Fellow Human Being.

imthjckaz said:

Well, Duh! Wipe it on your pants like everybody else!

Still waiting for you to come up with some normal women to hang out with I see…sigh…

Out of curiosity, what is the one true faith? If it turns out that in the afterlife I get to kill Vikings all day and then booze and make merry all night, it’d go a long way toward alleviating this whole post-industrial ennui thing I’ve got going.

Is she single? I want to meet her, right after Anthracite is finished with her.

Finally, someone not named Cecil who understands me.

jarbabyj, you are so lucky! I have known people in the past who have had the ultimate knowledge of certain subjects (like the one friend who knew everything about theatre and the one who knew everything about politics). But I have never known someone with such a vast knowledge of everything!

Hubby and I need some financial counseling so that we can manage to buy a house before we retire. Could you send her over here to show us what we need to do? I am sure that if anyone can guide us, she can :slight_smile:

As was revealed in South Park episode 411 – “The Mormons were the correct answer.”

Well…either that or you get tied up with silk scarves and…oh wait, I hear Fierra calling me… :smiley:


JarbabyJ…PLEASE…ask her the burning question of my life: what’st the deal with infinity and the origin of the universe?

That has plagued me forever…I eagerly anticipate her enlightenment!