Another Cruel English Mistress right here, as it happens.
Any dom/sub stuff I do is strictly for fun and enhancement, and doesn’t poke its way into “real” life. I treat it the same way I would a sexual position, as in, I’m not hiding what I do, but I don’t bring up my preference for doggie style at most family functions.
Things have been rather vanilla around here lately 
I have to disagree with you here, Kricket. Level of experience - for either the dom or sub - has almost nothing to do with how many or what kind of marks are left. It’s much more dependent on the instrument used, how hard, for how long, and what the sub is used to. I defy any sub at any level of experience to have NO marks from a session with a singletail or leather paddle.
Yes, different people mark differently. But in my experience - and I have seen many dozens of scenes with VERY experienced doms and subs - not one has never gotten at least some marks.
So, how do you guys fit this into your sex life? Married? dating? how do you bring it up?
Say you are submissive, but your guy is too passive to play the master, has this caused problems for you?
Hmmm, well I wouldn’t know about what would happen if the guy weren’t into it since the only men I date are already in the lifestyle. But if they weren’t, there are lots of ways to gauge their interest – asking directly, for one. Or leave a book or a collar or some pictures lying around and see what happens. The books I mentioned both have good suggestions on how to bring up the subject to a vanilla partner.
If you’re sub (a sub, not a bottom) and your husband/boyfriend isn’t or can’t or won’t be dom, I’d say you have a problem. Not one sub I know has said they can “turn it off” or live without being submissive. It’s not something they “do” – it’s what they are.
SO made her sub feelings pretty well known through the regular course of our sex life. It wasn’t particularly hard to pick up on the signals and I was more than happy to slip on my boots and play along. One thing leads to another and pretty soon someone’s wearing nipple clamps.
Ain’t love grand?
I think i just found my new sig.
you guys are suprised that fran is a dom?
So what is the distinction between a sub and a bottom? I’m still trying to figure out what everything means 
Oh and that quote from Plnnr is perfect sig material if I’ve ever seen it!
I was a practicing (although inexperienced) Dom, but my gorgeous little subbie has since left the state; I haven’t known a girl well enough to broach the subject since then, so the handcuffs are on sabbatical for now.
Nothing more viscerally satisfying than a woman asking for permission to perform acts I won’t mention (to save UncleBeer having to edit my post) in front of your friends… or better still, perfect strangers…
I am talking about bruising compaired to red stinging marks.
The red marks will fade faster than the bruises therefore leaving no real tell tale marks the next day.
My Lord says that it is in technique. I also have a friend who is a Master who has never left a mark on me.
I am going out of town for the evening but will be back tomorrow to check in and see how this little thread has progressed.
Have fun and remember, be safe!
Three things have struck me - or not,:
** plnnr** pretty much describes my introduction to this malarkey. In two relationships running the suggestions became stronger and more obvious (women in their late-ish 20’s) - a naïve country boy completely led into it by female submissives, or women who wanted to experiment along those defined lines . . yes, a tragic tale . . .
What do they say ? ‘A man chases a woman until she catches him’ – I guess it was a variation on that. As a general proposition, women are, of course, wonderfully adept at leading men up the garden path, and around the grounds for as long as it takes . . .
Second thing: At the beginning, I had a devil of a time with it all (for two-three months). Just couldn’t address the subject (intellectually) without bringing all kinds of gender politics and politics in general into the equation. I’d been brought up to behave (towards women) and think in ways not exactly consistent with the stuff I was being asked to get into. And the Women Lib movement also left some residual perspectives I needed to address. This was a seriously radical mind set shift.
On top of that, it took a while for me to reassure myself there wasn’t some kind of emotional, self-destructive quality to BDSM – didn’t want to be giving an alcoholic a bottle, as it were.
Fwiw and if I remember correctly, once I’d come to terms with the basics of the power plays and how power shifted around on different levels, a lot else fell into place and I became far more comfortable.
Thirdly, in my experience, every single woman with whom this area has cropped up (ouch! sorry about that), has been damn intelligent, a professional/career woman, independent and someone to genuinely respect for their abilities and intellect. Always very self-possessed. Maybe that’s coincidence, I don’t know . . .
In closing, I sometimes think of this as a manifestation of post-women’s liberation. A celebration of modern womanhood tinged with an irony born of casting aside the traditional shackles (of the home and motherhood, etc.) for other kinds of shackles . . . summin’ like that.
All very interesting and challenging. Lots of intellectual and emotional nourishment, and I’m grateful to those splendid women for the introductions!
I still disagree with you, Kricket. Maybe on YOU these people have never left marks but level of experience on the dom’s part has very little to do with it. Some subs are just hard to mark, or harder to mark with one implement than with another.
And a paddle doesn’t leave red stinging marks. It leaves bruises. Purple-y red bruises. So does a hand, for that matter. If you’ve never gotten a mark that lasted until the next day, I’d venture to guess that it’s that your body doesn’t mark easily - not that the dom/ top’s high level of experience has brought him some technique that allows him to do whatever without leaving any evidence.
Besides sweetie, marks are half the fun! Don’t you like to look at them the next day???
Well said. This has been my experience also. I spent a good deal of time twirling this around since I found it interesting that most of the women I chained to the coffee table could probably work for NASA. In the end I decided that intelligent women ( and men for that matter ) are probably more imaginative and self-possessed enough not to be cowed by society’s norms; therefore they are more likely to pursue their fantasies.
I’ve also noticed that the dom/sub split is anything but 50/50. I would be more inclined to say that 80 percent are sub and 20 percent dom ( regardless of gender ). Don’t have a working hypothesis for that one yet.
Dom.
'nuff said?
Both Frannie and Tansu are cruel English Mistresses?
'Scuse me while I fan myself… I’m getting a bit warm…
Some people mark, others don’t. One person I knew could get welts from a piece of string and bruised as easily as fruit. I’ve seen others get whacked like nobody’s business and in a short time look no worse for wear.
As for the difference between a sub and a bottom, my impression is that a sub is more real time and outside of the bedroom, where a bottom is more selectively passive (as in, hey, let’s have a scene this Thursday at 8:00, are you up for it?). A sub probably spends more time doing things for their top, where as a bottom spends more time having things done to them. Anybody have a better, clearer definition?
Does Submission have to come with acts that may or may not leave marks?
I like being dominated, but hurt/humiliate me and you’re outta the door, probably lacking anatomy.
I dont think it has to tir, some want the power exchange, some the pain, some the discipline, some all of it. I think its an individual thing.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3929/dominatrix_seems.html
Talk about timely.