Also, one or two Gorean slave girls of my acquaintance have admitted to the following mildly embarrassing reaction at work: boss gives them an order and instead of saying “Yes, <name>” or “Yes, sir” they say “Yes, Master”.
Hell, I’d give them a raise ( and a good flogging ) 
im a switch so
im a big foot man…so i can be someone’s foot slave…see my longlost post
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=161910
otherwise i like to dom
This is the fun part about talking this over - there’s no ‘One True Way’ or anything like that. There is for individuals/couples, mind - but not a ‘one size fits all’ across the whole scene. Exploration’s the fun part, finding out what works and what doesn’t.
I think I’d qualify as a ‘spirited brat sub’, by the way
The odd thing that’s happening to me is that I’m tending to forget how shocking the vanilla world finds this stuff. I haven’t said anything really awful to the wrong person (a client?) yet, but it’s just a matter of time. I’m losing my sense of the kinky and the forbidden, this stuff just sounds normal to me. Oh dear. I’m just not repressed enough.
Okay, I know I’m late … I was looking at this a couple of weeks ago, but then went on holidays …
I’ve always been interested in being a sub, but haven’t found the right ‘dom’ yet …
I need someone very strong, but not mean … someone who’ll punish me, but also reward me … someone who I respect and want to please.
Just haven’t found the right one … sigh … except for a great guy who’s married, and would love to play with me, but obviously that wouldn’t work.
But now I’m madly in love with a guy who I don’t think is interested in playing these roles … even some of the time. 
Any ideas on how to find out if I’m wrong about him … ? He’s kinda shy so asking him straight out isn’t really an option. I’m wondering how I could kind of introduce it into our love-life … any suggestions/thoughts?
I think some suggestions were made at the beginning of this thread.
HotMamaWannaBe, I was in your position for years back in the old days when I didn’t really know about bdsm, just knew I liked the Story of O and liked it when the man was in control during sex.
And sometimes I tried the approach of confiding in guys that I had already slept with for some time that I had a fantasy of being controlled in the bedroom, of being forced to feel pleasure (I didn’t know anything about the more sophisticated idea that a sub’s focus should be serving the man’s pleasure, not her own, but that might also work, since men love to be tended to, especially orally).
Didn’t say I had tried any of this, just described it as a fantasy, without actually making any request to him to try it out. See what his reaction is. If he sounds turned on and interested, you might shyly inquire whether he wants to try it. If that works, you can add other embellishments later, gradually.
I agree that it would be wise to stay away from all references to bdsm or s&m, and also to anything involving pain. If you mention pain at all, you’re apt to get the “but I don’t want to hurt anyone” line. You can assure him that you aren’t into “whips and chains”, the popular stereotype (well, maybe you think you might be some time, but tell a white lie). However you might, if you think it would work, confide that you’d always had a fantasy of being spanked. For some reason this seems wholesome to most people and they don’t associate it with s&m.
Well, that’s my two cents, for what it’s worth. Good luck!
yeah! this is a good dom quality 
i am obviously very new to this, as shown in the bambi thread in the pit, but learning. this one we have down pretty good, and if i may, a fun exercise can be done in a bar men’s bathroom along the theme of the above quote, assuming the bar is a cool one (helps if you are a regular and know the owner, so you don’t get arrested).
so, i have dropped all the hints to my SO, such as, honey, i am submissive, and there is nothing that can be done about it. lets learn new things, k?
that worked pretty well, but i think being dom must be something that you either got or you don’t, jsut like being sub. if you don’t, i think you can still be compatible if the guy dom is willing to trysome new things and isn’t too jealous if it does go outside your own bedroom. but i think i am going to be missing out on a whole lot this way. i don’t think i’ll ever get to test the true limits that i desire to be pushed past.
so i guess that’s what i get for ignoring all those wants and desires for so long. too bad no one is ever gonna tell kids that this sort of thing is ok. girls will forever be told they are sluts or hoes (in a bad way) for feeling this way. just like gay/bi/trans have been told they are wrong. and don’t forget the always present ‘she must have been molested as a child’ which i almost believed, even though i haven’t been. i just didn’t know why i saw nothing wrong with offering myself to satisfy a dominate person.
anyway, i’m rambling now… back to work.
Susan - thanks for your advice. I did try hinting, and recently he has started pulling my hair, which is awesome. And last night I did get a bit of a spanking. So I have my fingers crossed that he may be discovering the joy of this type of fun …
That’s wonderful, HotMamaWannaBe. And I assume you gave him lots of positive reinforcement? Not just telling him much you like it, but showing him by the change in your reponses? This both encourages him to to more and gives him permission to be dommish if he has those instincts.
Here’s a thought. It’s been my experience that there’s almost nothing turns a guy on more than finding that something he’s doing really works for the woman he’s with. Popular lore has men being selfish in bed, and maybe they were in the bad old days, but they don’t seem that way now. Which makes them more malleable - if they learn from experience what makes you wild with pleasure is for them to act dominant, dominant they will act to get that lovely result. And successfully producing great pleasure makes them feel powerful, masculine, and - behold! - more dominant.
Does that make any sense?
I am a 24/7 submissive. I married my Master after being in His collar for 2 years. We recently (in Feb) had a baby so the S/M stuff has kind of gone by the wayside for the time being (Except when grandma watches the baby ) We integrate D/s into everything we do. For instance: We are at the store and he says to go get something, I say Yes Master. I wear a metal collar with a lock at all times (Except when I go to the drs) My family knows about my lifestyle and most of my friends are also Dominants or submissives.
There is a difference with me tho. I am ONLY submissive to my husband/ Master (and the baby lol). To all others, I am Domme. I have a female submissive that comes over every Saturday to spend time cleaning my house. Sometimes I give her punishment for major infractions (she has 10 swats coming today because shes LATE GRRRR) but otherwise I reward her for being a good girl. I’ll leave the rewards to your imaginations
I love being in the lifestyle because I’m able to be who I really am. It’s nice to have the freedom of submission. Being the Spirited Brat Sub is the greatest fun!!
I’m a sub, though not as experianced as I would like. Its another thing to balance with my already busy life. I barely have time to date, much less find an acceptable Dom. (I’m the willful brat kind of sub, in case that hasn’t become clear. I like the struggle to it, but he’s got to be strong enough to match me on his own, I don’t give concessions.)
I’ve kind of always been a sub, since my first lover tied me up, really. And as of yet, no bad experiances, really. I’m submissive for people who deserve it, and for those who aren’t no command can make me so.
Susan100 - makes total sense - thanks!
He gets a ton of positive reinforcement, which he’s quite sensitive to, and totally picks up on.
(Actually I’m using his computer right now while he’s out of town, and even though I hate to be a sneak, I checked out the most recent sites he’s been to, and found something VERY interesting … now I have to find a way to work it into the conversation).
This guy is apparently full of surprises … I can’t see him ever being a total dom, but I think the potential for at least some of it is definitely there …
I love this thread!!!
One reason I love it is that I don’t know any women subs to talk about this stuff with. One of my close women friends is dominant, and the others are openminded, but none of them understands how heavenly it feels like, they have to take my word for it.
Your guy sounds very promising, HotMammaWannabee, especially if he’s been checking this stuff out on the Web.
Hey, since you have access to his computer while he’s out, you could find a web page you like, and accidentally leave his browser open to that page. (Well, nobody said I was subtle.)
Especially if you’re sure he’s already interested in this stuff, and the site doesn’t have anything on it that might sound too “extreme” to him. The kind of site I have in mind is one that discusses the relative roles of submissive and dominant, rather than a how-to or fantasy site. (One without any of those pictures of hogtied women with ballgags in their mouths, unless you really think he’d go for that.)
And of course it has to be a site that conceives of these roles the way you do - there seems such a wide range of variation in the way people interpret these things, their likes and dislikes. Although I haven’t had the chance to talk to other women subs, I’ve talked to several doms (in my search for Mr. Right Dom through internet dating sites), and I’m impressed with how widely people differ.
With any luck, HotMamma, you can guide your fellow into your kind of domming, whatever that may be - nothing wrong with a little discreet topping from the bottom if the dom is an utter novice. The novices I’ve met or talked to welcome it, actually, especially if you do it respectfully, humbly, etc., etc. And since you’re new too, you can experiment together, which is lots of fun.
Susan100 like this site? I LOVE this particular one because of the content. That and it’s beautifully done.
I’ve seen that site highly recommended, but haven’t have a chance to look at it. I’ll let you know what I think.
A simpler site that I was looking at the other day is submissive1.homestead.com/. It doesn’t look as polished, but has some nice stuff. There are some others I’ve liked, too, but I don’t have their urls handy.
I’ve only just started looking at the site, and I’ve seen things I like already. But is your guy ready for the activity checklist? Would he read (I’ll try to keep it relativey clean here) a list that includes branding, electricity and piercing (with a choice of temporary or permanent) without being alarmed? Reading a list like that under the impression or misimpression that you want to get into all that would freak out the novices I’ve talked to.
Sorry, I must have posted that link wrong. Let me try again.http://submissive1.homestead.com/.
I hope that works.
Still looking at the Castle Realm site, but I have the feeling that it provides Too Much Information if your guy is as much of a newbie as you think, that it might be overwhelming for him.
I previewed the link, and it still doesn’t work. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I copied the url from the address line, hit the http:// button, inserted it, said ok.
My apologies. But you can get to the site if you copy the url and insert it into your address line.
It’s interesting to see the material from people who do NOT like role-playing. For me, role-playing is about 90% of it. For me, it’s easiest to submit when I’m in some kind of a role; in fact, to be just me and Tom while dom/subbing is actually kinda… implausible. we’re just so SNUGGLY! So being the Satanist/unsuspecting Mormon missionary, it’s easier to get into the mindset. Also, it’s frickin hot.
(We role-play a lot in vanilla sex, too.)