Anyone who is into bondage/dominance/submission and takes it seriously has self-esteem issues.
Anyone who gets pleasure from pain needs to have their head examined. There is nothing healthy about wanting to have pain inflicted upon yourself.
I agree.
I will submit to a thorough examination after my spanking.
Anybody who looks for a six-month old thread to resurrect just so they can make a pointless comment on other people’s social activities is probably far more f***ed up in the head than anyone they’re commenting on.
I would like to take the time to apologise to Missbunny for not responding to her last post to me. I guess I just got caught up in other parts of the thread.
I just wanted to say I can see your point.
I am a very easy bruiser and when I thought about it the most that has been used on me is whips, ropes, and a large paint mixer (the flat thin wooden type). Things I guess that wouldn’t really leave a bruise but left a welt.
I do remember once having petichi bruising around my throat and having a friend want to hurt my husband because he thought it was a domestic situation.
My Lord and my friend that is a Master say they have never left a bruise that they didn’t mean to. But then again who knows what they were using. My Lord used to go to a club somewhere in New York, and my friend belongs to a stable/camp(?) I’m almost scared to ask about that one.
Needless to say after our few posts I mulled things over and I understand now. I knew what was happening in my life, but didn’t give many details (as to method) and you have a wider knowledge than I do. As well, the two men I mentioned are more expirenced than I am.
I came off sounding like I knew more than what I did. And I’m sorry for that. I have learned a bit more in the past few months. 
If my girl is interested in it I Dom.
I tend to go as far as they are interested in exploring. I’d had girlfriends that never went beyond the tie-you-up-and-spank you level.
I’ve had girls served me as a slave both in the bedroom and in public.
I think if my life had been different I might have enjoyed subing but I had a bad experience with that when I was 15 with a 25 yr old dom. She forever ruined that for me.
It’s ok though the Joys of Doming are far better (for me at least) then the joys of subing could ever be.
I’m a male switch in the fact that some people i can dom and some people that I can switch to sub easily.
But I’ve been well disenchanted with the life style since no one i met seemed to be serious and other factors maybe I will return to it
You are correct that some people get into bdsm, and somehow convince themselves that they enjoy the mingling of the pleasure/pain sensations, because they have self-esteem issues.
Too, some people are intensely religious because they have low self-esteem and feel they are somehow filled with sin and can only atone by constantly reminding themselves how evil they must be. Other people just have a love for their god and religion makes them happy.
Some people shop a lot because they have low self-esteem and shopping gives them a sense of peace and fulfillment, for a time at least. Other people just like to buy the latest fashionable things.
Some people take low-paying, no-responsibility jobs because they have low self-esteem and don’t think they can get anything better. Other people simply feel that they are happy making just enough to live on and don’t want a high-pressure job to worry them all the time.
Some people get pets because they have low self-esteem and this is a way of having unconditional love that they feel is unattainable by any other means. Other people just like animals and enjoy having them around.
You’re entitled to your own opinions, of course, but it doesn’t sound like you really know anything at all about D/s or bdsm. If you want info - it doesn’t mean you’re interested in doing it yourself - I’m happy to post some links for you.
People used to say masturbation and oral sex were only for perverts and sick disgusting weirdos too. (Hell, some people still say it.) Imagine that.
Kricket, I’ll have to go back and read what I wrote - I had forgotten all about this thread until today!
I have been trying to get my mind around this ever since someone I thought I knew told me she was “in the life” and that one of the reasons her last marriage didn’t work out was because her husband only wanted “plain vanilla kink” (by that I think she meant he didn’t want a 24/7 dom/sub relationship.)
But no matter how I try, I’m still just vanilla. So maybe some of you who are into the 24/7 thing can answer two questions for me.
I always hear “the sub has all the power” – presumably because when the sub says “no” it’s over.
But doesn’t the dom have the same power? Can’t the dom simply say “If you say no, I leave.” And wouldn’t the dom have every right to do that? So why does the sub have the power?
Leaving whatever sexual gratification you receive out of the equation for a minute, what’s the appeal of being a sub? Why do you feel the need to be “given permission” for everything you do from the moment you wake to the moment you sleep? I could ask the same about being a dom. Why would you want (to be forced) to approve everything your partner does, right down to speaking.
I say this with all respect for your choices, but I am truly bewildered by them.
kunilou, leaving the who-has-the-power issue aside for the moment (because I don’t have time to answer), I’ll just say that not every 24/7 relationship actually consists of the sub having to get permission to do everything. Maybe some people do it that way but I’ll tell you, of the hundreds of people I know who live D/s, only maybe 3 have the kind of situation you describe. It’s just not feasible for people to be like that all the time. It might sound really hot in books to have this whole “captured princess, I am at your mercy” thing going on but like so many things, it reads better than it lives.
[slight highjack]
First let me say welcome back to those who originally started this thread and discussion. I was sad to see it go untouched for so long. I hope it will now continue.
Next, MissBunny you are a wealth of knowledge and I appreciate your being here.
Last but not least, Mistress Kricket…it’s killing me…please fix your link in your signature…I can’t get it to work!! lol!
Namaste. Yogini.
[end highjack]
I missed this thread the first time around. I find it very illuminating. I am definitely a little bit of a sub. Would love to be more into it. The man I am sometimes with lately has some dom traits. I can’t really get into any of the role-playing aspects of it though.
The role-playing aspects can be great fun until you get lube all over your d20’s
Seriously though I find role-play useful in that it allows you to separate your normal world personality and actions from your fantasy-sex actions. I always try to be very polite and kind in ‘real life’ so much so, that if I were to act differently without being in role it would just feel false to me. So when I play the dominant I will do it as a role that way it allows me to say things and act specifically to that role without feeling like I was being false to myself. I guess I might feel differently in a 24/7 relationship, but even then I would probably shift character with my SO than I would use with anyone else.
Ack!
The link went to my picture on the SD people pages and, I’m not the one who made my link! I had help from either Evil Beth or Shayna and I have no idea how to fix it. I know it was just working not too long ago.
Does anybody know how I can get this fixed? Or why it’s not working? I am so not good with this stuff.
Don’t get too keyed up over the Mistress title. It’s a title I haven’t used in years, but I like the way it looks in front of my name. My screen names are now things like lady pet kricket. <—lower case.
If you really want to see a picture, e-mail me and I will try to dig that one up. It’s actually one of my favorites.
I wouldn’t call myself a switch, but in work or social situations I am more dominant. When I am around my Lord I am unruly but for the most part submissive.
I have played a dominate roll and found I don’t care for having someone depend on me for their every choice. It’s too much pressure.
I’m not sure what I like about being submissive. I love the praise I get for good deeds, and I enjoy the bondage and whippings for bad things or just because it’s his whim.
I like the feeling of being “owned”, but it’s not the same as being controled by a control freak. Dom/sub is a give and take with benifits to both. Being with a control freak benifits the controler and leaves the controled feeling empty and useless.
Those are just my personal thoughts and I am sure others have different feelings.
I am nothing like my friend who is a pain slut and her Master has come up with some wicked almost dangerous things to do to her. But she likes the pain for her own reasons as I like the pampering for mine.
kunilou,
many subs ‘top from the bottom’ meaning that they are the ones really in control.
say they want X to happen to them (I’m trying not to be too graphic) they know if they do Y action that their Dom will be mad and will probably do X. So they do Y until they get X. These are the more subtle subs.
Some are far more blatant and will specifically ask for you to do something (heck even demand it) and sulk and be uncooperative until their Dom gives in and does what they want.
This in my mind are marks of subs that really don’t understand the lifestyle. Which is ok if you’re just playing around but if they run across a real Dom that spots that behavior they are unlikely to enjoy the results.
I am in a 24/7 lifestyle relationship (Married to my Master) and I can tell you that with 2 young children you CAN’T ask for permission for everything!! There are different aspects to the lifestyle that most people don’t take into consideration like kids. Our children are 4 and 1 so there isn’t much grownup time much less D/s time. Good grief it’s hard enough right now to have SEX so forget about getting a SPANKING :rolleyes: The only time we are able to “play” is when someone (like grandma) watches them on His “weekend” which is Wednesday and Thursday right now. So far we have only gotten to do our thing once a year when we go to the national conference held here in Colorado. 
Crap, I had a big ole long post responding to a bunch of the stuff on page one before I got further in and realized it this is a several-months-old thread.
Anyway, ignoring the free bit of psychology that resurrected this thread, I’ll just settle for raising my hand as a submissive who likes bondage, domination, rough sex, and is a slight masochist.
So what makes you “freaky”, sweefreak, since we’ve seen the sweet part? 
Did you know it doesn’t even need to include pain? Imagine you just like rubber, or doing what you’re told… you’re still invited! S&M are just two of the letters in the acronym, which is really 3-in-1, and none of the letters capture all the little things under the umbrella, like an innocent pair of latex skivvies.
Here’s a quote I like!
Anyway, sweatfreak, I pretty much agree with a much-earlier poster or two; BDSM can be like as little as a different position or kind of lingerie, and many guys at that level like it because it’s adventurous, not because it’s creepy or they wanna be a full-time “dom” for some deep-seated psychological reason. So what if he uses a silk scarf handily one day…* is he now a “dom”? (I gotta wonder just how commonly otherwise vanilla people have “tied-up sex” without any clue as to the terminology we could slap on it, “power exchange” and all.) If she’s the Domme next time, is he now a “switch”, or are they still just porking…? Do they really need to sit down and check their heads for self-esteem or identity issues to figure out why they like sex…? I have a feeling that plenty of people would be good right there, without ever buying any books or questioning the fun of it. That’s been brewing on my mind a bit lately, so I’m sure glad you brought it up.
…the other contribution I can make in general is that if anyone wants to know about an old, intelligent BDSM forum - kinda the SDMB of BDSM**, but much quieter - I’d be happy to pass it on via e-mail.
(* Unsafe. I’ve read often that silk binds too sharply, like wire, and can lead to injury.)
(** Creepy! The acronyms are anagrams!!! :eek: )