I would if I could. It’s nothing personal against the groom, I just can’t stand weddings. I would have skipped my own if I could have.
He’s my brother.
Are you at least happy for him? Seriously, it sounds like you should have asked him to find someone else, as you aren’t up to the duties.
You’re not an invited guest, you are the best man and there are certain duties implicit in that.
I’d suggest you have a conversation with your brother in the next couple of days to find out what his expectations of you are. It may be that he sees it in exactly the same way as you, in which case that’s fine, but if he has expectations that you aren’t prepared to deliver on, then you need to discuss this with him.
It’s all very well that you hate weddings, but your brother may feel quite differently and surely you can put your own feelings aside for one day?
Geesh, after reading all this I’m glad my brother decided I couldn’t be in the wedding party. He’s in seminary, I’m gay. So I’m by default ‘not a man of God’ and therefore not good enough.
Of course I’m happy for my brother and of course I’ve already talked to him about my “duties.” He’s an informal sort of guy and his expectations are low. He told me when he asked me that all he wanted me to do was wear a monkey suit and hand over the ring. He also wanted me to give a speech but I weaseled my way out of it. I’m happy for my brother, I have a good relationship with him and I really like his fiancee. He knows that I’m uncomfortable with formal events. He knows I hate dressing up. He knows I loathe weddings. I’m not going to be an asshole or anything, my MO is just to be wallpaper until it’s over.
Good to hear you’ve had a discussion, I was a bit concerned for your brother! Is someone else giving a speech to fill the gap?
The bride’s sister. I told him I’d do it if I really had to but that I had no idea what to say. I’m not unformfortable with public speaking but I can’t do sentiment very well. The bride’s sister actually wants to give a speech so it makes more sense for her to do something heartfelt than for me to bumble my way through something my wife would have probably written. I’ll probably still do a toast and tell some kind of embarrassing story about him. 
Sounds like a good compromise all round!
My brother is being married in less than two weeks
Bridesmaid’s dress $175
alterations $85
shoes$60
special bra to accomadate revealing dress $50
That’s $370! (isn’t it? I added in my head) And that’s not counting whatever the tux for my son to be ring bearer is. No one’s let me know yet.
It’s too much! It’s all well and good to SAY it’s “appropriate” to turn down the honor on the grounds of expense, but then there’s the reality of hurt feelings that can cloud family relationships for years.
People really need to be more thoughtful about “required” clothes. If a bride has never been a bridesmaid before her wedding, she may be blissfully ignorant of how these things add up.
All we expected our attendants to do was to show up in fancy clothes. The tuxedo rental was about $50 for each guy, and the ladies only had to show in a black dress, which they chose as something that suited them. My suggestion was that they went to a thrift store.
You’re a bad, bad man. 
I’ve been a best man twice and groomsman once. I saw my job as to be there for whatever was needed or requested by the bride and groom. It has involved driving the getaway car, taking car of paying the accompanyist and photographer (not with my money, just the logistics), hauling a canoe, making speaches, dancing with the bride’s sister, and doing dastardly things to the wedding suite.
If needed, I would put a large bill on my CC, fully expecting to be repaid later. This is under the heading of making things go smoothly. I wouldn’t think twice about it because anyone who asked me to be their best man would know how I’d react and I know they’d make it good.
This is precisely why you want Jesus at your wedding: in case the booze runs out.
Same here. I figured, “twice each to be polite, then if there’s anyone left over, they can sort it out amongst themselves.”
You too, huh? I was about to ask to be introduced to the bridesmaids…
See, this is why the Irish have cash bars at our weddings. With the amount we drink you’d bankrupt the entire wedding party!
Seriously, my dad got a bottle of wine per guest, and if they wanted more or anything else they were free to buy it…believe me, they did, I think my husband had about 10 pints himself.
The best men (we had two, don’t ask) were told their only jobs were to make sure my husband was at the church, keep the rings safe, make sure no-one got too drunk, and deflect all flack away from us and towards my mother who would take care of it (she’s the one with the credit card). They absolutely were not expected to pay for anything except their tux rental (and we made sure their gifts cost more than that).
My understanding is the best man’s responsibility is to engage the family in combat long enough that the groom can kidnap the bride to be.
We did that too. We had a small wedding (50 people) and 2 attendants, the matron of honor (my sister) and the best woman (my husband’s best friend). We told them to wear whatever they wanted, in whatever color they wanted. One wore a nice brown velvet gown and one wore a nice wine-colored velvet gown. They went very nicely together, totally unplanned. I have no idea what they paid, but I hope it wasn’t much. I spent less than $200 on my wedding dress, including alterations. My husband wore his nicest suit.
Many people told us it was the nicest wedding they’d ever been to. It was totally laid back (ceremony and dinner at a nice Colonial bed and breakfast, classical music on CD, no dancing). We all got to eat good food, talk, laugh, and take lots of pictures. It was good not to spend our life savings or ask our attendants to spend theirs.
This is my take and only mine, so take it for what you will. That venue sucked.
Before I got married, I had worked at a couple of establishments which hosted banquets, and I had a lot of family who got married, so I knew the drill. There is no way anyplace that’s supplying you with the liquor should tell the clients that their money has run dry and they need to start hitting up the guests in order to keep the booze flowing.
A reputable establishment will have an up-front contract that covers the bar for x amount of hours, whether it’s included in the per-person cost for the meal or not. Either that or it should be noted that the client will simply be billed for the bar expenses. To make a scene by telling the wedding guests “Sorry, you’ve drunk your fill on my dime, now pay your own way” is just tacky and rude.
Best of luck with that.