My phone go green green, so I pink it up and say yellow.
A: a good start!
By the time you get home, you’ll forget all about it!
He covers the phone, but she can still hear him yell, “Hey Charlie, I found the guy who took a crap in your tuba.”
“What are you complaining about? I’m going have to walk back all alone.”
Now we can all get some sleep.
“Watson, you idiot. It means someone has stolen our tent!”
Because she rolls her own tampons and kick-starts her vibrator!
if the fu shits wear it
That was one I was thinking of as well. 
Depends!
This guy is wearing skates!
Fo’get it, lady! Eff he’s stuck in there thet far, he ain’t neva comin out!
If he finds his way back home, don’t fuck him.
We keep it in the office and use it as a fan.
I know, I know. But we have a lot of popes up here, and he’s the first lawyer.
Just what you said, making sure he was dead!
OK, he’s dead. What should I do next?
(Probably a different punchline to the same joke)
“But I’ll be sober in the morning”.
Yer screwed now, ba-by!
DAM!!!