I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.
He burned his lips on the tailpipe.
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 28th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets.
“No, no, my dear. In the Senate, perhaps, but not in the House…”
“Why should I care? I’m a helicopter!”
Put it on my bill.
Une shmatte? Quelle chutzpah!
One is a group of cunning runts
That’s not my dog.
Lucky for him I was still awake, playing the bagpipes.
“Today’s the day the teddy-boys have their picks nicked.”
One of the three boys:
Oh! “When you die”… go to heaven.
Sure! We thought you meant right now!
“At that speed, two days”.
“I’m crazy, not stupid.”
“Jeez, Mom, I’m going as fast as I can!”
Same disease, better health plan.
I did that awhile back as “Same diagnosis, better HMO.” A recent favorite of mine.
You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.
because European
At Princeton, they teach us not to pee on our hands.
A full set of teeth.
A West Virginia unemployment line.