I wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this!
“Ha Ha” Said the farmer, “Ha Ha”
“Aren’t you sorry now you sent me to the vet?”
“No, but the pigs are in the truck, honking the horn.”
Got any more dogs?
We just met our wives…one was on a skateboard and the other was hitchhiking.
Gosh, that’s a hard one.
Thank you. (said without tongue - “Ghannngh ghyoooou.”)
No, that goes UNDER the bed.
Give him back his 15 cents and tell him to go to hell.
All right. Break’s over. Back on your heads.
On my balls.
… if you can find my keys, we can drive out of here.
I lifted up the cow’s tail and said “Hey, lady, does this look like yours?” …and she hit me in the throat with a nine-iron.
“You’re scared?! I have to walk back alone!”
None of them knew when to SHUT THE HELL UP!
The third one just slid down her barstool.
“How do you think I opened the beer?”
“No, but I sold your thermos for 50 bucks!”
“There’s only two things I hate during sex–the smell of hair burning and the sound of a woman screaming.”
“I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
“Nah–I was in line behind you at the supermarket.”
“Because you’re fucking ugly.”
. . . and the wax shot out of his ears.
Dentist? No, I’m a mortician.
Sorry. I must be in the wrong joke.
shhhhh! Buzzards!
Silly rabbit. Kicks are for Twids.
A good start.
Not enough concrete.
Look at that S car go!!!
You don’t understand, that’s Michelle.
Well okay, but don’t start anything.
Why the long face?
For the fifth time, chicken!
Anything that that damn sheep says about me is a lie!
A niche in time saves Stein.
“I don’t know about coyotes in college towns, son, but out here they eat the sheep!”
“I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
“Holy shit!! You’re a talking sausage!!!”
Christopher Walken
Elvis Parsley
I need a motorcade in Dallas like I need a hole in my head…
“I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and fifteen bucks for a fucked-up duck!”
Ohmigod, you’re Arthur Miller