This is pretty lame, but the Today show pisses me off every morning that it¡¯s on! (which is NOT every morning here in Bee-yoo-tiful Downtown Seoul¡¦ sometimes it¡¯s football. Ugh! Or even hockey. Double Ugh.) It¡¯s been building; it¡¯s time to vent!:mad:
OK, I am NOT a morning person. I have to get up at 6 just to make it into the shower by 7 (I usually spend 20 or 25 minutes just sitting on the edge of my bed trying to get the synapses snapping and the neurons, um, doing something or other that starts with ¡°N¡± to keep the continuity flowing [sup]Nothing to see here in this sentence folks, Move along![/sup]. Eventually I can haul myself to my feet and sway uneasily for a few minutes while the word ¡°coffee¡± cartwheels around my brain trying to find an association to link with. Usually I grab the remote at about this point, and turn on the TV¡¦ I have one channel, AFKN (Armed Forces Korea Network) that is in English, and I am held hostage by whatever program their program director has selected for today. I hope for the news. Sometimes it IS the news, and I turn it up loud so I can hear it in the shower¡¦ sometimes it is sports, in which case I leave it on just so I can hear people speaking English in a comfortable and correct fashion (I am here too long time, and I have many stresses!), sometimes it is the Today show, in which case I turn it up loud again so that I can hear it in the shower¡¦ it features some actual news among the nonsense, after all.
Having gotten this far, I go in search of caffeine. It comes in the form of coffee¡¦ hot about every third day, cold the rest of the time (I live alone, so I make a pot of coffee a couple of times a week, and throw what is left over in the fridge for later consumption; at this time of the morning it doesn¡¯t matter to me whether it is hot or cold!) I then stagger into the bathroom where I stare in the mirror for a minute or so, sipping my hot or cold coffee, and weave back and forth while I try to determine whether I died during the night, and thus don¡¯t have to go to work today, or whether I lived through my sleep (assuming there was any¡¦ I¡¯m an insomniac¡¦), and DO have to get ready to go to work.
After deciding that I AM still alive and can¡¯t avoid work today, I finish my coffee and reluctantly get into the shower. Now, the shower in my dorm room is connected to a plumbing system that services a building housing roughly 2000 people, and at this time of morning the temperature fluctuates violently from second to second (no joke, it can go from skin-peeling hot to nipple-torture cold in the space of a few seconds!). I do not enjoy this, and my brain is still adjusting to the fact that it¡¯s going to have to face yet another climb up the hill to work (a STEEP hill maybe 300 meters long; kicks my ass every morning, which is why I go up an hour early each day to give me time to dry off from the sweat before class¡¦).
In short, mornings are not a good time for me, and I am not at my most tolerant at that particular time¡¦
Why am I telling you all this? To help explain my feelings about the Today show (when it is on here). I have no problems with the show itself, it is what it is¡¦ my opinion was not asked, and I will not offer it¡¦ However, the cast! Or hosts! Or whatever you want to call them. There is NO call for them to provoke me so, and I have a few serious beefs!
Katie: you¡¯re too cute! Stop it immediately! You have been warned¡¦
Matt: Fuck you! You¡¯re handsome, wealthy, famous, and many women lust after you! I hate you. And you keep saying, ¡°We¡¯re back in a few minutes¡¦¡± WTF?? ¡±WE¡¯RE BACK¡¦¡±?? We ARE back? What the hell is that supposed to mean? We are currently in the state of being back in a few minutes? Look, Chuck Woolery could do that, but he was a fucking GAME SHOW HOST! Fuck you and your ¡°we¡¯re back¡±, Matt!!
Al: Generally, I like you¡¦ you are jovial, genial, pretend to be nothing more important than you are, and are fatter than me (presenting less of an Alpha-male threat). However, EVERY FUCKING MORNING you say the same dumb-ass shit when talking to the crowd outside your studio: ¡°You know¡¦ my director Al Michaels may be sleeping right now! (I can¡¯t remember right now how he phrases it, exactly¡¦ but it¡¯s the same every day!) Everyone PLEASE say, ¡®WAKE UP, JOE MICHAELS!!!¡¯¡± The crowd drools and obeys. Then you say, ¡°You know, Joe Michaels is a HUUUUUGE Robin Williams fan! Everyone say, ¡®JUMANGI¡¯ Joe Michaels!!¡¯¡± The crowd obediently brays in response¡¦ Look, Al, this might have been funny ONCE! But you¡¯ve been doing exactly the same thing EVERY FUCKING morning for YEARS now. There is a special room reserved for you in Hell. Mention my name; you¡¯ll get a discount¡¦
and last but not least:
Anne: You¡¯re hot! See, I have a fetish for Asian women, so I¡¯m gonna let you off light. I like you; I¡¯d do you (if Astrogirl was more understanding. She¡¯s not, though¡¦:( ) BUT you say, ¡°this morning¡± WAY more than is really necessary!! Stop it!! ¡°Today we have Dr. Kissinger with us¡¦ good morning, this morning!¡± ¡°Thank you Dr. Kissinger, this morning!¡± ¡°Welcome, this morning¡¦ and thank you for visiting us this morning!¡± I fucking KNOW it¡¯s morning! And so does everyone else! STOP IT!!
AHHH!!! MY BRAIN!!!
I hate the morning.
That is all…
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