But to be able to describe someone in such objective terms, the way you’d describe a lamp you’re not totally happy with and are returning for store credit…I don’t know. It just seems so dehumanizing.
Though I fully admit, I’m very insecure on the topic. Either way, this OP just skeeves me.
I’ve got enough self-image/self-esteem issues that I’m not sure I’d want to date someone who thought I was his ideal of beauty.
I can respect the idea of wanting to be with someone who thinks you are wonderful, and someone who isn’t just settling for you because you are the best he can hope for, but I’m not sure I want someone who claims to think I’m gorgeous.
That said, my basic inclination is to think that being honest and upfront with the girlfriend is the best route. “Hey, I’d like to go on this Reality TV Show where I’d be matched up with wannabe supermodels, and I’m afraid they’ll ask me if they are prettier than my girlfriend is and I don’t know how to answer honestly without losing you”
This puts the ball in GirlFriend’s court, where she can answer in any of several ways:
“You idiot! You know how I feel about Reality TV! See ya later!”
“What do you mean you don’t think I’m as pretty as a supermodel? See You later!”
“I know I’m not supermodel pretty, but I have other great qualities–I hope you’d be willing to talk about those on Reality TV”
and many more.
I’m curious about this, too.
Because season 5 premiered in March 2008. This casting call for season 6 expired November 21, 2008 and the show will presumably air within a few months.
Is the OP not form the US?
I’ve worked with several clients who have schizoaffective disorder and the OP’s posts are pretty much what I’d expect from someone with that diagnosis. Social niceties generally did not occur to the folks that I worked with who had this illness.
JohnClay, does your girlfriend suffer from mental illness as well?
I think my partner is slightly less physically appealing than me but I’d rate him a 10 for general attractiveness…If I thought he rated significantly less I wouldn’t be dating him.
I wouldn’t ever dismiss him as a 5 or go on a dating reality show, and if I did I wouldn’t deserve anyone decent.
I think the issue is that most people aren’t particularly attracted to things they find completely average looking. Those things are nice enough, sure, but basically pretty meh. So for the whole attraction thing to happen, there has to be something about the other person that makes you go “oooh” instead of “meh.” They may not objectively be hotties, but there’s something about that person that makes them beautiful to you. That’s why all the guys you’ve ever been with have found you more attractive than most girls, no matter what you actually look like. If they didn’t find you attractive, if they looked at you and thought you were meh, they wouldn’t settle for being with you. And you wouldn’t settle for being with them.
Me, I’m pretty squarely an objective 5. Utterly meh-looking to the vast majority of strangers. But to my husband, I’m gorgeous. There’s something he sees when he looks at me, something he’s always seen when he looks at me, that makes him look at me when I’ve had a virus and have been too busy hanging various orifices over the toilet to shower, comb my hair, or pick out my eye crust and think “oooh.”
Everybody deserves to be with someone who looks at them like that. IMHO.
I signed up because I have a belly and manboobs. I can’t do many pushups because I practically never use my arms for lifting, etc. BTW the gym costs $18 per week, x 52 = $936. It includes about 8-10 types of classes including aerobic dancing, yoga-pilates, tae-bo, etc, and it has a sauna with a sound system, a creche for kids, a section for girls only.
Beauty and the Geek is also in the UK, Australia, etc…
I used to as well but now I think most really good-looking girls would be out of my league. Part of the reason is that I don’t “fake it til I make it”.
lorene:
yeah her (and her brother) have schizophrenia… and she also has depression and social anxiety…
You just realized this now?
You really thought you could attract a supermodel caliber girlfriend with what you had to offer? No job, schizophrenia, a belly, and man-boobs? Frankly, I’m surprised you even got a girlfriend at all.
No I realized it in high school after getting rejected a few times.
I was the dux of year 12 at high school and before I had glasses I got a few offers for dates and sex but I was obsessed with the first girl to ask me out. But when her friend asked me out for her I said I guess not because I didn’t have a clue who the other girl was that wanted a date. I only got a bad body after the medication I took at the hospital 2.5 years ago. I go to university full time though and I don’t have schizophrenia, I have schizoaffective disorder or bipolar.
Same.
So what country do you live in, JohnClay?
IANA psychotherepist or anything, but it seems to me that a lot of people who live severely socially isolated lives seem to develop a similar sort of bizarre outlook on life. It’s like a combination of crushing lack of self-confidence combined with an overwhelming callousness and arrogance towards other people (especially those who exhibit greater success socially).
This is what I read on Wikipedia about schizoaffective disorder:
"Difficulties with thinking known as “cognitive deficits” may also be a problem for individuals with schizoaffective disorder. This may include difficulties with concentration, attention, logical reasoning and impulse control.
Without treatment, the individual with schizoaffective disorder may further worsen in their delusional thought processes and become further alienated from people and society.
IOW, their social thought processes, perceptions and reasoning are “off”. They may be highly logical and intelligent, but their logic often leads them to socially bizarre conclusions that often offend or creep others out.
I worked with a guy kind of like that. We’re talking and long story short, basically my advice to him is something like “No, I don’t think it is appropriate for you to bring your mistriss to a company event even though you are thinking about divorcing your wife.”
What I hear in these people (and the OP) is a total lack of empathy or understanding of other people. Has there been any discussion about how JohnClay’s girlfriend would feel about any of this? No. He’s asking about what society’s “rules” are on the matter with the same emotional detachment one might ask about the instalation instructions for a DVD player.
From his terminology, I’m guessing Austrailia.
Quite right – I see they’re holding auditions soon. That’ll teach me to be cynical.
Heck, for $900 a year, there better be aerobics-fit hookers fucking you in the locker room.
I’m just posting to add the fact that B&G isn’t even a dating show. It’s billed as a “social experiment.” The “geek” contestants are basically taught social skills that they are lacking, and the “beauties” are graded on more IQ based things. Very very rarely do contestents hook up on this show. I can only think of it happening in the US version once or twice. The geeks and beauties are paired up as a team to help each other “evolve.”
Anyway, maybe the show would be good for this guy. Might teach him something about how to treat someone he’s in a relationship with.
They’re looking for “Beautiful, sexy, social-savvy women who can turn a geek into a stud.”
That sounds like their aim is to turn guys into a guy who’s good at sleeping around… BTW I’ve been in my (only) relationship nearly 10 months. My private thoughts I express here are different from what I currently share with my girlfriend.
This. Thank you, Cat Fight, for your insight and eloquence.
JohnClay, I’ve got to say, I was getting more incredulous and put-off by your posts as I continued to read this thread. I know jack squat about schizoaffective disorder. I acknowledge my ignorance and am sympathetic its affect on how you interpret things of express yourself, but using general assessments of social interaction, you will not come across well on that show.
Good god, man! Surely I’m not the only person who cringed at this line?
The wording was most assuredly douchey, the overall tone throughout this thread is douchey, but I wanted to point out that the concept itself of your mate being only average physically does not denote settling.
And that thing doesn’t have to be immediately recognizable upon sight. I decided that my hub was for me when he made me laugh 'til I felt I was going to pee within 10 minutes of meeting him. One, most people aren’t that funny, but more importantly, this person who I’d never met managed to have a sense of humor that was right up my alley. It was awesome, but I can’t say I looked at him right away and said, “Wow.”