I think everyone ‘settles’ somewhat when it comes to looks. And I think it’s pretty naive to expect that who you are with thinks you are the most beautiful woman in the world, or a ‘10’ or whatever.
I mean, I am madly and deeply in love with my BF and am extremely attracted to him. I think he’s good-looking - but I don’t think he’s human perfection in physical form, and there’s no need for me to think he’s Adonis IMO.
If someone’s going to ask a dumb question like ‘is he hotter than me?’ I would probably just be honest.
I don’t care what you think of your (ex)girlfriend’s looks. If you’re going to audition for a reality show where the purpose is to hook up with other people, while in a relationship, then you are being disrespectful to your partner. Frankly, your willingness to humiliate her, anticipating discussing her looks on national TV, shows that you don’t deserve her. And, yes, it is rather misogynistic to treat a woman like that, like a doormat. “Wait here, honey, I’m going to hang out with women much prettier than you.” Your actions say that, even if your words don’t.
I don’t mean you any harm, but I’m just rather shocked by your post and the dismissive attitude you took towards your ex.
I’m looking for a response for that statement you quoted. I was trying to rationalize that I like her enough to want her back but hopefully I said it in a sensitive-enough way… (probably not)
Guinastasia:
Is there anything you suggest I do? Though I’m studying fulltime I could probably get a job as well… and I could do a lot of things about my personality. I don’t feel very confident about finding a girlfriend that I would consider to have above average beauty. After all lots of decent men seem to happily hook up with below average looking women. (yeah I know that sounds bad, but sometimes my parents have said that my ex was beautiful in front of her so I had to try and say the same convincingly) I lack most things that self-help books say attract women, such as a good sense of humour, passion, etc. Well I can also talk to my case manager about it. Today he suggested I could ask if my ex wanted a drink or a bite to eat…
This wasn’t directed at me, but I’ll answer anyway: leave her alone. Take it from me that if you do get back with her, you’ll probably start to remember why you broke up with her in the first place. If you dump her again, it’ll crush her worse than the first one did. Just move on.
Lord Ashtar:
There are other fish in the sea I suppose… but after being exposed to heaps of barely legal (I’m nearly 31) soft-core porn with near-perfect faces and bodies my standards of beauty are really high… even on that website I only are really attracted to the best of the best. BTW many months ago, before my ex was officially my girlfriend I showed her a pic that was my idea of perfection… though I wasn’t a fan of her in other photos - her face and body didn’t look so perfect. Some of the self-help books are against porn though, including “No More Mr Nice Guy”. Sometimes lately I’d use regular photos of my ex as “porn”. I guess I crossed some line about what I should keep to myself and what I can say on a public forum… (and what I could say to therapists or close friends)
If your standard of beauty is so high that you can only get it up for barely legal soft core porn starlets, then my suggestion would be to hie thee to San Fernando Valley, cruise the metro lines for that farm fresh girl right off the bus ready to make her mark in the world, and show her the ways of JohnClay and glamour her with all you have to offer…whatever that may be.
This reminds me of a funny story in my own dating history that I know would be entertaining to the SMDB, don’t know exactly where would be the best place for it, and I realize this thread probably isn’t it, but it provides a perfect segue:
This takes place in the days before the Internet (well, I was on, but I was an early adopter), when dinosaurs roamed the earth and hookup sites were done by phone. I was on one of those and found a lovely woman whom I enjoyed talking to. She mentioned in one of our conversations before our first meeting that she liked country music, I enjoy it as well and filed it away in my head.
We finally got together for our first meeting, and I noticed that she had nice red hair (how could I not? I’m always a sucker for a redhead!) I figured I’d use my knowledge of country music to good use, as her red hair reminded me of Reba Macintyre, and I wanted to impress her by telling her so. However, for some reason, what came out of my mouth was that she looked like Rita MacNeil (Google images link) - suffice it to say that she does NOT look like Rita Macneil, and that was the last I ever saw of her.
I suggest, as it’s been four months, to get over it and move on with your life. I’m certain she’s moving on too. The way you spoke about her before you broke up was pretty insulting, and it seems you only like her because you’re lonely – not for herself.
The Valley girls might have tan lines though… (I told you I was picky) the girls I’m looking for are mainly Russian. On the other hand I want to visit the U.S. in the near future.
Well in my breakup phonecall to her I did say that she should find someone else. She said a similar thing to me and I said that I didn’t think I’d find someone else. (also near the start of the phonecall she asked if I’d found someone else) BTW she used to have an athletic body when she was younger and was good at sports and popular with guys like she still is now. BTW she’s 30. When I consider that most of the girls I find prettier than her are in their 20’s or less it means that she’s not so bad looking for her age.
Well as an excuse is my father’s example… he used to treat my mum very badly but then he got prescribed anti-depressants and seems to treat her mostly ok these days. BTW I now am starting to think that pretty girls (which is more or less what my ex is) are simply pretty rather than trying to judge them as being perfect or trying to spot flaws.
I like her personality a lot… but because I care about her feelings I guess I won’t try to get back together with her… even as friends…
Cicero:
In the past she’s called me “gorgeous”, according to her one of her support workers said I was her best looking boyfriend, during the breakup phonecall she said she was glad I was being honest, one time I planned to get a bigger big TV and decided against it due to changes in circumstances and she said she was proud of that, I think I’m a good chess opponent (I usually make moves very quickly so that our skills are fairly close), we also like to play air hockey and wii, etc, she also said that when she first met me I was really quiet… maybe I remind her of her father. A bit later on I was a mentor in a TAFE class which included her, her brother, and other people with mental illnesses (being a mentor meant I had higher status than the students in the class). We watched lots of movies together and she liked the movies I chose and also liked when I paid for things including a trip to 2 theme parks and a motel room with a spa. One time when we were at the beach in the water she said that her friend had a good personality and I replied that she had about the best personality I could imagine (and she swum up to me and hugged me). One time when I was sleeping in her bed I told her that my big dark secret was that I went to brothels twice (and I didn’t mention it but she was prettier than the girls I picked [due to them being friendly] and she was a lot better at sex) and she said that was a “good” secret. I also think she said earlier on that I was a good kisser (she was the first girl I’d kissed romantically and I got tips from “the art of kissing” videos).
Cicero:
I don’t think I’m good at chess… in high school I came about last at the chess tournament… but I’m better than people who haven’t learnt about things like the pin, fork, and how to checkmate people pretty quickly once there aren’t many pieces left.
BTW though that 30 year old girl was the first girl I’ve dated I had requests for dates and sex throughout my life though I was too picky or scared of not knowing what to do.