sandra_nz:
Yeah… I should have at least had a trial separation… but she messaged me twice about us meeting up for that afternoon and I thought that if I was going to break up I might as well do it sooner rather than acting like everything’s fine and doing it later.
Well, this is something you can learn on, for next time, John. By the sounds of things, she’s not prepared to get back with you, and I would strongly advise you to respect that and stop contacting her.
well when her brother said to leave her alone (tonight on the phone) I did say “I understand”…
Saying and doing are two very different things. Show you understand by NOT continuing to try to contact her. You’ve let her know you’ve had second thoughts, now leave it to her to get in contact with you IF she chooses to. Do you understand what I mean?
Well when she originally sent a message that said “leave me alone” I interpreted it to mean that it might be a short term thing. But this time I’m taking it as meaning forever.
The guy’s already acting like a fledgling stalker, and toward a girl with mental health issues of her own to boot. It would be irresponsible not to tell him to leave her alone. He’s clearly not going to let it be anyway, but perhaps our advice to back off and not contact her might encourage him to slow down. She will contact him if/when she decides that he continues to have a place in her life, but if he keeps hassling her then she (or her family/carers) may find his persistence unnerving and possibly even perceive him as a threat to her. This cannot help him achieve a reconciliation with her.
But you’re right - the best advice we can give him is not to take the advice of people on an internet message board and instead talk to his specialist.
Cazzle:
In my later replies I said I wouldn’t be contacting her anymore.
Please don’t. I am sure she will be grateful- well sad that she has missed out on such a valuable piece of merchandise.
I think that’s sensible JohnClay. If she doesn’t want to hear from you then every message you send will just drive the two of you further apart. In time, maybe she’ll miss you and you might hear from her again, but right now you need to accept that maybe she’s gone for good, and work out what you’re going to do with yourself from there. You’ve had one relationship now, so you know that you are capable of being someone’s boyfriend and that women can be attracted to you - it’s only a matter of time until it happens for you again.
Two daggy old cliches that come to mind:
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.
and
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. (In other words: how can she miss you if she keeps hearing from you? Give her the space she wants and maybe she’ll have a chance to realise she misses you too).
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. For someone else.
Some guys shouldn’t have girlfriends.
VT’s Non-Clichés that Ought to be Clichés #477:***
If you’ve managed to land someone you don’t deserve by taking advantage of her low self-esteem, never let her out of your sight. Once she discovers that guys much better than you are interested in her, you’re fucked.
The OP reminds me of te joke about the too-honest boyfriend…
“My girlfriend asked me if her dress made her look fat. I said no – your fat makes you look fat.”
Update:
Nearly 2 weeks ago I met her and her mum while shopping. They were polite and her mum wanted me to say hi to my parents… also about two months before that her friend came to my parents house to drop off money for the internet (my ex is paying me 1/2 of what it costs me for the internet). I asked if I could talk to my ex and she came to the door and I introduced her to my grandma and also had a private chat about things (not related to relationships).
I’m thinking about writing in an email or whatever if there are any things I can change about myself in order for her to give me another chance. But first I’ve got to decide if I want to become more committed with her (she wants to get married to someone one day)
I think she’s about average looking which means I could do a lot worse. But she is pretty attractive (like average girls are). I really like her personality though. BTW I could last a pretty long time with her when we used to have sex. Maybe if she was a lot prettier I wouldn’t last very long at all (or chances are her techniques wouldn’t be as good).
I guess my plan is doomed but I thought I might as well try, for the second time, to get back together. BTW I’m slightly on the Asperger’s syndrome scale which means I can find it hard to guess what people are thinking… though over the years I’ve read about the importance of body language and what they say vs. what they actually think…
We are a bunch of rude, anonymous people on the internet who can’t see beyond social status. Also, a good deal of the people in this thread don’t give a damn about your feelings, personality or illness. All they cared about was the fact that you are a little weird (which is fine, life is dull when all people care about is trying to gain/maintain social status).
You probably have friends and therapists who treat you as an individual and know your personality (with its unique collection of goals, strengths and weaknesses) you can go to for advice, you’d be a lot better going to them next time a personal issue like this comes up.
I didn’t mean that as an insult btw, I just meant that people (myself included) generally cannot see above and beyond social awkwardness, especially if it is a stranger they are dealing with.
Point is, I would not take advice from people who reject you and barely know you.
Some advice for making a good impression on women:
Woman are more literate than men. This is a fact. Women are more interested in reading books than men are. Being well-read is always a good thing for a man looking to impress the fairer sex. Shakespeare and the Victorian classics are essential (though Shakespeare is really meant to be seen and not read.) For those with more eclectic tastes, alt music and pop art mags can clue you in on some interesting stuff for conversation. And depending on the girl, you may want to bone up on some transgressive literature. Ballard, Delany, Keshner - these are the men to read. Palahniuk was in vogue for a while but I think he peaked several years ago.
Taste in music is important but don’t be a snob about it. If she likes Dave Matthews, try to find something good to say about Dave. If she likes really horrible music, well, maybe that would be a dealbreaker, but if not, at least don’t disparage it. Don’t boast too much about your own tastes in music. On the other hand, women with more eclectic tastes will be happy to know if you’re into stuff like Zager & Evans, Todd Rundgren, Anthony Phillips or Seona Dancing. Just don’t get too pompous about it. An evening of Z&E, some good red wine and maybe some medicinal herbs can create instant magic.
DON’T unroll the condom before putting it on! You need to unroll it onto the penis.
Didn’t see the two other pages, so I deleted the post I wrote after the first one. Wasn’t very nice.
Why are you going on a dating show if you have a girlfriend?
Because his girlfriend’s only a 5 and he wants an upgrade?