Good stuff! Thanks. I browsed both threads pretty quickly and the thought that came to me was… where are all those posters now? I know it was 7+ years ago, but I only recognized a handful of names.
No prob. I was trying to find the original thread, but maybe it’s been lost. Not sure. But you get the general idea.
Well it serves a purpose in her case. If she writes “luv [nickname]” it means she likes you and if it is “from [name]” it means she is not very happy.
Well I sent her this message at about noon today…
“Im finally missing u 2day. Thx 4 being my first girlfriend n treating me so good. Well i’ll leave u alone.”
You’ve got to love the “finally” in that sentence. This guy is the king of back-handed compliments! You should give lessons. “You have a very pretty smile–when your mouth is closed, that is” is already in my hall of fame.
Now that I’ve said this, I do feel bad for both parties. I think you both could do with some sort of relationship counseling.
I’ve got 4 books called things like “Relationships for Dummies”, “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating”, etc who are authored by relationship counselors. I haven’t read them though. I’ve talked to my psychologists/psychiatrists about relationships a bit.
Stop texting her. You’ve broken up with her, now you need to give her some space.
yeah I don’t plan on contacting her for a week or two. I think I’ll thank her for her prayers sometime though because I did really well at university this semester (just got my results). My family and hers are very religious though I don’t believe in it.
How about not at all? She’s probably pretty pissed right now (see it from her angle, this probably came out of left field) and any contact within the next couple months will probably aggravate her, it’s probably best just to cut contact unless she initiates it.
Or is this elaborate performance art? Hard to tell these days.
Ok I don’t have a problem waiting a few months. My mum thought it was a good idea to send her that initial message despite my ex being unwilling to talk to my mum on the first day. If my mum suggests I send another message I’ll just refuse.
Why was your Mum trying to talk to your ex?
My ex has visited my parents a lot and they like to talk a lot.
Don’t contact her at all, ever again. You ended the relationship, now she gets to decide if there’s going to be a friendship and if that’s what she wants, she’ll contact you. You humiliated her by dumping her and by talking about going on a dating show in the wrong order, you don’t get to keep milking her for companionship now.
Delete her number from your phone and plan for her to be absent from your future entirely. No thanks for prayers, no messages that you’re missing her, no nothing.
I think I’ll get my mum to contact her brother in a month or two. We’ve got some of each other’s stuff.
JohnClay, it really sucks that you broke up with your girlfriend. It doesn’t seem like you entertained the idea of doing so until you read advice to do so on here. These people are in no way qualified to council you, as they made a lot of erroneous assumptions.
You have a disorder which makes the advice someone would give to “normal” people not effective. For example, the advice to break up with your girlfriend was made with the assumption that you would either ignore it, or at least argue against it. Instead, it seems like you took it straight. You went from liking the girl enough to stay with her, but not thinking as highly of her as “normal” people would expect, to thinking she was too good for you and that it would be good (for both of you) to break up with her. Believe me, that was totally unexpected.
Now, breaking up may have been a good decision, but there is not enough in this thread to lead me to that conclusion. What I do see is a guy who didn’t realize how much he liked the girl until he lost her, and a girl who was willing to stay with him, and is quite mad that he broke up with her. Your disorder made this really hard for anyone on the board to notice until after it happened, and, frankly, I feel they gave you bad advice. (I could be specific, but it was hard enough to explain this to you.)
From now on, only listen to people who actually know about the disorder you have. At least let the specialist see these threads and help you make a decision, rather than taking this advice as gospel.
Everyone else:
Um, well, let’s just say that the reason he wanted on the show seems to not be because he didn’t like his girlfriend. (He said he didn’t want to lose her, didn’t he?) So I assume it was to better himself. And he didn’t realize that calling someone a 5 is basically calling them ugly. (The scale is really from 5 to 10 or 11.) We also know that he talked and felt differently than most of us. Sol we were given no sign that his girlfriend wanted out of the relationship. Considering JC’s disorder, we also didn’t have enough information to know whether he or his girlfriend would be better off without each other.
Yet, I’m pretty sure that he would not have broken up with her if it was not for us. And since we aren’t qualified to give advice to someone with a Schizoaffective disorder, I think it sucks that he listened to us. I can’t help but think they might have grown into a better relationship if it hadn’t been for us.
I completely agree with ** BigT.** People were handing out extremely not well-thought-out advice without beginning to know enough about the situation, not to mention without making allowances for the illnesses involved, as well as a lot of snark and derision. JohnClay, to your credit, you responded honestly and without defensiveness. People seemed to ignore the statement you made that what you say on here is different from what you say to your girlfriend. Of course, these people are so virtuous that they’ve never had a thought like “My girlfriend has a big belly and she’d be hotter without it” or other similarly appearance-based assessments. (That was sarcasm – of course many people have these thoughts-- you just admitted it, and most people don’t.) Anyway, you took their misguided advice and ended the only relationship you’ve ever had, probably the only one she’s had, and maybe you guys were happy together. Also, the advice about “how about not contacting her ever” – this is broad advice that may or may not fit your situation.
And finally, I think you should really think about whether you wanted to break up with her, if she was happy, and if you were happy. If the answers to those questions are no, yes, and yes, I think it would be worthwhile to have a conversation with her about it. Explain that you were swayed by people who saw that your relationship was not perfect and decided you should break up, without really knowing anything about you. Yes, now I have given you advice too, but it’s in response to what I believe was very, very poor advice upthread.
Sunday:
I was on a long bus trip listening to the “No More Mr Nice Guy” audiobook by Dr Robert Glover.
2:44pm
“Its selfish n probably too late to say but i want 2 get back together. If we did i’d b pretty selfish. Bye”
3:37pm
“I think i’ll ring tonight to try n get back together with u”
3:38pm
“I shouldnt hav broken up with u”
Well I rang up her phone and her brother answered. He told me she isn’t interested and I said I understand. I said that I had DVD’s for him and he said not to worry about that and I said maybe my dad could give them to him one day. Then we said goodbye.
Do you think, perhaps, John, that you didn’t think this through enough before you split with her?