Ladies ---Help us guys out, here, please?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Heh, JEEZ Audrey Levins Why is it we bump heads in one thread yet in this one I agree with everything you said? Hmm, Talk about ironic. (I hope that doesn’t scare you)

Anyway ditto what AL said except I’ll take it a step further and say don’t be too agreeable with these ladies either. Becuase Then you’ll just come off as some guy who’s just telling her what she wants to here to get down her pants. (even if you are) Have your own opinions.

Also if you’re just looking to score another trick thats worked really well for me in the past is. Find two women sitting together that you like, if its a crowded bar kind of inconspicuously work your way in between them then order a drink from the bartender. Hopefully he/she will be bussy so it will take them a while to get your drink to ya. While you’re waiting just start talking to both of the ladies at the same time. And you should open up with something AL sugested like “Hey how you ladies doing tonight?” then just go from there. While you’re talking to them check out there body language and notice how each one of them talk to you, by doing this you can tell which one of them would be more likely to “go out” with you.

22

And just which Borders would I have to stop by? :wink:

23

::blush:: Well, if you’re ever in Thousand Oaks…

24

SHAKES, it’s hard to stay irritated at a man who publicly admits that he thinks I’m right. :wink:

I agree with your advice as well; a man who acts like he isn’t interested, but merely polite, will always disarm a woman who’s used to being hit on. If you walk up to a busy bar and you’re stuck next to an attractive woman, there’s lots of opportunity to “bond” with her over it. Particularly if you don’t offer to buy her a drink, b/c so many guys think that if you buy or send a girl a drink, you’ve also bought yourself some of her time and interest. Avoiding that suspicion by not offering her a drink will usually arouse her interest, or at least lay to rest some of her suspicions that you just came over to talk to her.

Some of my male friends with the greatest success also don’t “close the deal” immediately; if you chat with her briefly while waiting for a drink, and then just politely excuse yourself, you have disarmed her and also made her more likely to smile/notice you when you return. If this happens a couple of times, and the third time you go up to the bar you say a casual, “Hey, I’m sitting over at that table, you’re more than welcome to join us/me/whatever,” you sound hospitable and friendly. Not “on the prowl.”

And you’d be surprised at the response you may get, particularly since you’ve left it up to her, and haven’t pulled up a chair next to her and invaded her space.

I’m telling you, subtlety and patience will go a lot further than most guys think.

25

Oh, yeah. Her. I hate her. She’s the only woman I’ve ever run into, in a dance club. I don’t get that. She wants to dance. I want to dance. What’s the problem? I didn’t ask her to marry me, for crying out loud.

He told ya that, did he?

Sorry to hear that. Maybe we should all move to Texas. They seem to be much friendlier, there.

Wow! That must be so cool, when it works! If things don’t work out with the lady I’m seeing, I’m moving to Texas.

But, thinking about my experience, Saturday (my first ever successful meeting of a woman in a bar), I can think of several things that may have been factors, though I’ll never know for sure, unless the relationship goes past the next date, probably. For one thing, I was definitely not there to meet someone. I was only there because of the music. And, I was also definitely not there only to meet someone, which sounds like a very small difference, but is a huge difference in attitude.

I was also clearly, and genuinely, enjoying myself. Head-bopping to the music, smiling, laughing, trying to help the singer work the crowd into some semblance of enthusiasm (we failed), etc. I was also talking and laughing with the guy next to me, Mark, my new best friend. I honestly can’t remember if I ever made eye contact with Theresa before I approached her, but I’m sure she’d noticed some or all of the above, before I did. And, she probably caught me checking her out, at least once out of the five or six hundred times I did so, during the half hour, or so, before I approached. I’m sure some, or all, of this helped.

26

I have to say honestly, Davebear, I’ve had many people from other states comment on the friendliness and hospitality of Texans. (I work at a tourist bar, so people consider me some kind of ambassador for the state. I hear the full review. I don’t get it, either.)

I’ve also had men say that the women here are friendlier. (Some say more beautiful, too, but of course flattery will get you everywhere. ;))

Who knows. Maybe we just don’t have the balls to shut a man down cold unless he’s begging for it. I myself find it very difficult to be rude to a man who hits on me; I can only imagine how difficult it is to get up the nerve, so I think it’s pointlessly cruel to be a bitch just b/c he isn’t my speed. Any man who hits on you is complimenting you; girls will say otherwise–“oh he was so not my type! Oh my God! Who did he think he was!”–but honestly, it is a compliment.

And unless the guy gets offensive or grabby, I’m never rude or unkind.

[sub]I do, however, have a full armor of ball-shrinking, gut-punching responses to any man who crosses the line. I don’t know where they come from. I blame it on bartending, which is just as much bullshit-slinging as it is whiskey-slinging. :D[/sub]

27

I never, ever approach strangers for any reason, unless I’m buying something or I need some kind of information from them, like directions. I try to keep a sullen, detatched expression on my face at all times so that people don’t get the impression that I’m interested in talking to them. A long time ago I said “World, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but it looks like we’re stuck with each other for a while, so let’s try to stay out of each other’s way. Agreed?” And so far, the rest of the world has lived up to its end of the bargain.

I know that doesn’t help, I’m just offering it as an alternative worldview, one that doesn’t depend on strangers, who are a notoriously unreliable subset of people, after all. It’s worked for me for 28 years anyway. You might miss dating, until you remember that it’s a lot of hard work and expense, and it’s not all that much fun and doesn’t necessarily do anything to improve the quality of your life.

28

What I consider odd is that often people who don’t know how to approach strangers in person & talk with them, pour their heart out to strangers on the board, sometimes with wonderful opening lines, paragraphs & stories.

29

My best line ever:

“Can I borrow your panties? I am making soup.”

She looked at me like I was crazy, but she started talking to me.

Then I took her home and shagged her. Shagged her rotten baby!

(true story)

30

Yes, exactly! It is a compliment, and yet they often react as if they’ve just been mortally offended. And, often, they’re not content with merely shattering our egos; they insist on grinding the broken bits into powder.

I’m not sure I’d know how to handle Texan women, though. Being surrounded by beautiful (assuming that assessment is accurate ;)), friendly women would probably just blow my mind, and leave me (more of) a babbling idiot. Talk about culture shock!

Really? Or, are you just whooshing us? Cuz’ I’d say it’s the apparent anonymity, in combination with the generally accepting, supportive atmosphere, of the board that makes it possible for the (gun)shy folks amongst us to open up.

31

Gwa?

32

After spending a really fun evening with a very nice man, we were having breakfast after the club closed and he asked me flat out why I was there with him and not any of the other guys he saw talking/dancing with me. What did he do right?
Eye contact, asked me to dance, asked to sit after a few dances, offered me a drink, didn’t bat an eye at me drinking diet Coke, listened to my responses, didn’t seem to have an agenda, didn’t appear needy or especially horny. I had fun talking to him, I didn’t feel pressured, I wanted to talk to him some more. He was a nice man and I like nice men. I was flattered by his obvious interest ---- I feel complimented that such a nice man would risk rejection to meet me.

33

You know, I get hit on a lot at bars. I don’t know why. I sit at the table with my friends and I never get up except to buy drinks (or sing karaoke if it’s karaoke night). I can’t dance. I also usually can’t successfully hold a conversation with another person without the other person thinking I’m crazy. I’m not exceptionally pretty.

What happens is usually the guys who hit on me are really drunk and they ask me to dance. I tell them I don’t dance. (Really, I can’t dance! I can hardly even stand up or walk half the time. Plus I have a bad ankle and a bad knee, so it hurts anyway.) Then when I tell them “sorry, I don’t dance”, they grab my hand and start pulling me out of my chair, and I grab onto the table, which tips over enough to slop some of my drink, then I look at them, horrified, and they get the point and leave. Hehe.

Now what WOULD I be interested in? A conversation, I guess. Any person who can hold a conversation with me without thinking I’m absolutely insane (or hey, if they think I’m absolutely insane but they like it!) gets my vote. I like to be talked to, not forcefully dragged out of my seat to partake in an activity in which I completely lack ability.

In my case, you’re more likely to gain my esteem by talking to me than by hitting on me. Talking to me suggests that you’re an interesting person who likes to get to know people, we can find out if we have common interests, and yada yada. Hitting on me suggests that I’m some sort of quest or game, you know? It’s like hedra said, all lines and no honesty, and it just comes off as sleazy.

34

“How ya doin’?” is usually enough for me. Or asking me to play pool. The bar I go to has a trivia game, that’s always helpful as a conversation starter. But then, I’ll talk to anyone. That’s what first attracted me to my boyfriend—he just wanted to talk while we played pool. I didn’t go out with him for about a month after we first met, but we saw each other a lot at the bar, and shot pool a lot, and talked a bunch. Still do!

Us Texas girls ARE a friendly lot!

35

Not that I’m the most successful eligible bachelor in the universe (that would be my roommate) but I find complimenting her on something that girls think about but we don’t works wonders.

I have theorized while drunk that this is for one of two reasons- either she thinks you’re gay, and is thus comfortable talking to you… or she is fooled into thinking you have good taste. You don’t, of course, those shoes are horrible, but she’s cute and dammit you’re in.

36

I’m one who will say more beautiful, too! Texas girls have Curves and dress to show them, and walk like they’re proud of 'em! Love that. Plus the, dare I say, accent actually works the face muscles differently, so it brings up the cheekbones, much like French does. Beeeeeeautiful women in Texas! Sheeeee-yit! …

Wow! Audrey!! GREAT advice! I’ve Done that, by accident, (back when I was single before) but never actually formulated the elements of what made it flow! Way Kewl!!!

Dave, Dude, My Board Mentor, teacher and guide … I have Such Sad News … the chair dancer who started the whole decline of the famous “I’m lower than cat pee” moment in my life … Dallas, m’lad, that story wuz in Dallas!
Never Did manage to date a native in Dallas! But to be fair, this was during the period of time when Dallas had been written up in Cosmo, several times in a row, as the best place in the country for a girl to meet a soon-to-be-wealthy single guy … so the bidding war was on. (I did however manage to end up dating a transplant … the girl half of the morning show on the #1 Rock Radio station in town. That was some crazy fun … and that didn’t come about from trying to ‘pick her up’ … I think what worked there was the inherent assumption that there was no chance in the world…)

Shakes, I have memorized this sage advice. I shall follow your teachings and pass them on to future generations … tis in the small movement of one tiny stick of dynamite on the mountain from which massive avalanches of change do mount …

37

Whooo Hooo! NOW you tell me! Wuz Just IN T.O.:smiley: !!! Ended up having my coffee at Eggs and Things Not a great place for meeting people, but great food … the one in T.O. and the one in Simi Valley. Next trip, I gotta find Borders … you Sure you don’t wanna just find a chair up here in Pleasant Hill?

“… Think you’re insane but they like it???”
How 'bout those of us who basically require it?

And, of course, for the guys who wish to avoid the long walk of shame back from a dance invite … we’d All love it if the answer was, “I don’t dance, wanna chat?” … But gotta admit, the ones who would grab you by the arm and try to drag you out of your chair, fall into the category of “dose boys were not worth your time, anyway.”

38

Damn skippy! My man Louis Armstrong even sang a song about such a dream. It’s called “What a Wonderful World”. :slight_smile:

39

Seems to me it’s all just a big crap-shoot. With most strangers you meet you aren’t going to become great friends anyway, man or woman. So if you get the cold shoulder from a gal you had your eye on, big deal, you can’t win them all. If I see a gal I find attractive and she sees me and smiles, I will probably go over and try to have a decent friendly conversation with her. If she turns out to be one of these interrogators that wants to know every last detail of my entire life in the next five minutes types, adios. If we talk for awhile and it seems we might be able to get along together as friends then I would probably ask her if I can call her sometime. If it turns out she’s just looking for a lump of meat to hop in the sack with for the night, adios. The best situation seems to be when simply through the natural shuffling around in a bar you end up next to a pleasant looking gal and you begin a conversation just through a natural social reaction to being close to someone in a crowd. But anyways … just be cool, calm and confident.

40

My favorite line?

Would you like to go to my place and make a movie?