[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
This might come as a shock to you, but all men think about other women while they’re having sex with their SO’s. It doesn’t matter how much they love you. It’s just a physical necessity in order to function. There’s not guy on earth who can actually concentrate on thinking only about the person he’s boning. Trust me when I say you really don’t want to know what’s going on in a guy’s head during sex (the vilest porn scenarios imaginable), but don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean they actually want anyone else or that they aren’t satisfied with you.
[/QUOTE]
It’s not “shocking” (whatever that means), I do find it a bit odd though, I cannot think when I’m having sex, I couldn’t come up with a single solitary, even momentary fantasy if my life depended on it. Sex is so good (or at least what I remember of it, I’ve been single about 3+ years), that it wipes everything else out of my head.
So, while it’s not shocking, God it’s depressing. Men can’t even enjoy sex unless they’re all busy in their big heads as well as their little ones? And we are there in body, but not in their minds? Bummer.
At least it’s one good thing about being single, not being used as a giant blow-up doll that is.
(sarcasm aside, I am more inclined to believe SlowMindThinking’s take on this than that “men” are this coldblooded).
[QUOTE=Ferret Herder]
I would laugh my ass off at the stupid-drunk level of funny inappropriateness of that comment. I would laugh so hard that I’d totally kill the mood and be gasping for breath when I tried to explain why what he’d said was so wrong that it was hilarious and kinda cute in its fumbling attempt at sexiness. I’d be unable to get to sleep easily because I’d start snickering every time I thought of it.
At least, that’s my best guess. I say that because of a “you said what?” experience - this isn’t exactly an “in the heat of passion” instance - where I was riding in the car, my husband driving, and we drove past a very fit female jogger wearing very body-revealing workout clothes. He said something like “Oh man, I’d like to have some of that.” I look at him with an expression rather like :eek: and I think I just said “Wha?” He looks back at me with an honestly confused expression and asks me, “What?” It’s then I realize - he actually did one of those “Whoops, that wasn’t my ‘inside’ voice?” goofs of verbalizing his thoughts. This starts me laughing at the absurdity and his innocent confusion, and of course now he’s even more confused. It took about a minute before I could repeat what he said, and he got the dawning look of horror followed by a rapid-fire babbling apology, with me just laughing and saying it was all right.
[/QUOTE]
You are my idol. I worship you. If you tire of your husband, and Chicago, I hereby apply for the position of penis provider.
Because, while my wife may be hotter than you, I’d much rather have a woman with your attitude.
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
I still think the penis reference is absurd (there is no relationship between physical stature and penis size, so no basis would exist for speculation). It’s also not something I have any insecurity about, so I would probably just laugh and tell her about the effect that steroids have on male junk.
[/QUOTE]
I didn’t say he was tall. (Should I have said he was tall?)
Anyway, I get that you’re not bothered by something so you expect your partner not to be bothered by it.
I know it would bug me, so I wouldn’t do it to someone else.
I don’t know if either view is completely reasonable, but darn it, they’re both fair!
[QUOTE=CanvasShoes]
It’s not “shocking” (whatever that means), I do find it a bit odd though, I cannot think when I’m having sex, I couldn’t come up with a single solitary, even momentary fantasy if my life depended on it. Sex is so good (or at least what I remember of it, I’ve been single about 3+ years), that it wipes everything else out of my head.
So, while it’s not shocking, God it’s depressing. Men can’t even enjoy sex unless they’re all busy in their big heads as well as their little ones? And we are there in body, but not in their minds? Bummer.
At least it’s one good thing about being single, not being used as a giant blow-up doll that is.
[/quote]
Well, as Adam Carolla likes to say, sex is nice but it’s not the real thing.
You’d be deluding yourself to believe that, trust me, but men are not coldblooded. Most of them are capable of loving their partners intensely and exclusively and being totally happy with them. They’re just configured to require a lot variety and visual stimulation. It has nothing to do with emotional satisfaction with their partner and it doesn’t mean they want to be with anyone else in reality. I think women misunderstand this sometimes. Are you the type that would get upset about finding your SO looking at porn?
[QUOTE=Barrett Bonden]
Back in the bedroom, drunk, hot, heavy, your SO exclaims, “I bet you’re not as big as Joe, but I’d rather be with you anyway.”
…Would it be an issue?
[/QUOTE]
I can’t imagine giving a rat’s ass about size, personally. I can’t imagine speculating about size. Even if I were in the market. There’s SOOOO much more to sex than penis size. Like being with someone who’s not a selfish jerk, or an abuser, or a slam-bam-thankyouma’am-snorer, or a fetishist who doesn’t care that you’re not into whatever he’s into, or…actually I think most of these fall under the title heding of ‘selfish jerk’. Gimme a non-selfish non-jerk any day, and size bedamned.
[QUOTE=Chotii]
I can’t imagine giving a rat’s ass about size, personally. I can’t imagine speculating about size. Even if I were in the market. There’s SOOOO much more to sex than penis size. Like being with someone who’s not a selfish jerk, or an abuser, or a slam-bam-thankyouma’am-snorer, or a fetishist who doesn’t care that you’re not into whatever he’s into, or…actually I think most of these fall under the title heding of ‘selfish jerk’. Gimme a non-selfish non-jerk any day, and size bedamned.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t disagree.
Black Rabbit’s original post specified that the female coworker was “completely vile” and an “ultra bitch.” With all this vileness, she was still hot enough to be mentioned during a bout of copulation which had not included her up to that point.
I was not using fake coworker Joe to make any sort of point about the benefits of size or the relation of size to height or general physical fitness. I just made him studly enough that it might be disconcerting to have him suddenly mentioned during a round of otherwise Joe-free sex.
No one has actually had sex with Imaginary Joe. He might or might not be skilled in bed. We don’t even know if he actually is big. I apologize for any confusion.
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
You’d be deluding yourself to believe that, trust me, but men are not coldblooded. Most of them are capable of loving their partners intensely and exclusively and being totally happy with them. They’re just configured to require a lot variety and visual stimulation. It has nothing to do with emotional satisfaction with their partner and it doesn’t mean they want to be with anyone else in reality. I think women misunderstand this sometimes. Are you the type that would get upset about finding your SO looking at porn?
[/QUOTE]
I think that it comes across as dissatisfaction sometimes. I don’t know it so much bothers me to find an SO looking at porn as that it pretty much means we’re not good enough for them. And no matter how you slice it, no matter how much they may “love” us and all, that’s what it boils down to. Yeah, yeah, emotionally we’re supposedly “enough” and partnership-wise we’re supposedly “enough” but our sexuality isn’t. It’s only human nature that that hurts. And it makes a girl kind of feel like “hey, it’s a package deal”.
And honestly, I think you’re doing your fellow guy a disservice by lumping all men together in this. Or perhaps we’ve got the right of it, folks like me and SlowMindThinking and there is something sadly missing in some guys that they can’t enjoy sex without a lot of hard work in the way of porn, fantasies and so on.
Without either one of us being able to scientifically look into the brains of all men, and read their thoughts, we’ll never really know what lurks in the hearts of men :).
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
It’s not like you don’t think at ALL about the person you’re with, it’s just not all that’s going through your head.
I’m also not saying (and you should know this if you’re a guy), that it’s not liek you’re seriously, intensely imagining someone else in her place, it’s more like you’ve got a hodgepodge of pornographic images and scenarios going on upstairs that may or may not include people you actually know. It’s not that you want to be with someone else, it’s more like you’re using a mental file of visual aids. The emotional connection to your real partner is still there.
[/QUOTE]
Just ‘cause this is the way your brain works, doesn’t make it universal. I enjoy images of naked women and fantasies about women I know when I’m pullin’ it, but when I’m with an actual woman (my wife for the last 7 years) I’m in the moment and the visual and tactile sensations are more than enough for my pea-brain. So, feel free to speak for yourself, but leave us saints and liars alone. It’s pretty offensive you assume your mental wanderings during sex are the norm.
[QUOTE=Quint]
(but when I’m with my partner)… I’m in the moment and the visual and tactile sensations are more than enough for my pea-brain. So, feel free to speak for yourself, but leave us saints and liars alone. It’s pretty offensive you assume your mental wanderings during sex are the norm.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t know about men, and in fact, I don’t know about most women, but about the only time my brain ISN’T going off on tangents during sex, including sexual-experience-enhancing visions of whatever - or compartmentalizing itself, observing me from the side - is if I’m utterly and totally incoherent. Heck, my brain did the compartmentalizing thing even when I was in labor (no drugs), making odd little observations and comments in a dry voice, about how loud I was being, and what if the people down the hall heard me. Not that I could have been quiet if my life depended on it.
But I don’t assume other peoples’ brains work this way. I only figure it falls within the range of normal. And there are other possibilities within that range also.
[QUOTE=black rabbit]
Whoops. Hubby and boyfriend are the same person… sorry for any confusion.
[/QUOTE]
Exactly. Now imagine you get home and you find him at the computer posting on some message board “My wife was telling her friends about our sex life and she mentioned something about a boyfriend: How offensive or hurtful is this?”
Our brains do stupid things when we are not watching (and even worse when we do). We men have a hard time trying to be our best around women and we screw up a lot. Please find us cute.
[QUOTE=black rabbit]
C. Probably not a shock, given the way I phrased the answers.
[/QUOTE]
If it’s any consolation, I had an ex who took this to the next level and kept bringing up HER past misdemeaners in arguments with some rather impressive she-twisting. Like “You’ve never forgiven me for insert random past wrongdoing, HAVE YOU?!!?”
That was bemusing.
To the girls in this thread who would have taken offence, you’re giving men much too much thought-process credit. With the two possible options of “trying to be nice, didn’t think it through very much” and “man, what a great time to slip in a snide remark to reveal my true feelings, that’ll learn her to take me to Ikea”, go with number one all the time.
Look, when alcohol and sex mix in the male brain it’s a messy stew. My guess, he was trying to be smooth and compliment you, it didn’t work out at all because you thought too much about it and are now worried about the relationship. It’s fine, but next time put the brakes on immediately and offer him the chance to dig himself out. If he’d had meant it to be in anyway hurtful he would have saved it for when you two weren’t in the middle of bumping nasties.
This advice comes from a man often in this situation
[QUOTE=SenorBeef]
Do women understand how incredibly annoying (and/or destructive) doing C is, anyway? They seem to do it pretty frequently, just wondering if they understand the implications.
[/QUOTE]
My mother and grandmother do it in every relationship they have, not just with SOs. Heck, Mom was pissed with me for 12 years for something I did when I was 5 - a religious offense which finally got solved when one of the most important Catholic theologians told her I’d actually been right
I try not to do it… being cursed with elephant memory is one thing, digging out the shit you shat when you still believed in Santa is another.
I’d go with E, might bring it up later when he was sober but once and only once. Haven’t had it happen during sex, but I’ve had a guy stop a kiss to “hot damn!” openmouthed at a piece of loooong legs passing by - heck, I would have been likely to turn and stare if I’d been on my own I did tease him a bit after, but it’s not like I’ve ever thought of my legs as any kind of selling point. They’re functional but definitely not the kind that should be seen in microskirts.
I think I might be randomly snickering about this for the next week
As for the OP, that actually sounds exactly like something NajaHusband would say. He’s earnest and loyal to a fault and lurves me to the end. He’s also the master of the ass-backwards compliment. To wit: we met online and chatted as friends for almost two years before we actually met in person for the first time. That first visit, he came and stayed with me for two weeks. We’d had a conversation beforehand where I asked him if he thought we would get along in person as we had with long distance communication. Two weeks is a long time, I thought, what if we get sick of each other?
Visit comes, he steps off the plane and walked into my life, as though we’d known each other forever and I was just waiting for him to get home. The two weeks are amazing, they fly by, and we’re already making long-term plans. The last night we’re out on my balcony being mopey and sad that he’s flying home the next day. The moon is full, we’re a little drunk, we’re kissing sometimes, and talking, and just generally being gooey, love-struck, fuck-drunk eighteen year olds.
He holds me in his arms, looks into my eyes and says…
“well… I never did get sick of you.”
Eight years into the relationship and two years of marriage later, and we still haven’t gotten sick of each other. If he’d used the OP’s line, I’d have puzzled it out then cracked up. Later I’d tell two female friends and my sister, all of whom would crack up too, knowing NajaHusband. The thing is, he’s not the kind of guy that writes love notes and sends flowers or is in any way eloquent with words. He is the kind of guy that really and truly loves me to the core though, so I don’t mind.
ETA: YMMV of course, and your partner may be a dick, so there you are. The comment could go either way. If he loves you, then you should know that he meant exactly what he said. She’s hot, but so what? He wants you.
[QUOTE=Indygrrl]
If it was a boyfriend, he’d be an ex by the next morning. I can’t imagine something like that happening, but if it did I would be hard-pressed to think of a reason to forgive and forget a comment like that. Irrational? Perhaps, but I’ll not have my self-esteem jabbed at by an insensitive moron like the hypothetical dick in this scenario.
[/QUOTE]
You’d be doing him a favor. I flatter myself to speak for all men when I say that any woman who’d be so hypersensitive as to dump us for one awkwardly-attempted compliment is not someone we’d consider a smart relationship investment.
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip]
You’d be doing him a favor. I flatter myself to speak for all men when I say that any woman who’d be so hypersensitive as to dump us for one awkwardly-attempted compliment is not someone we’d consider a smart relationship investment.
[/QUOTE]
You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but anyone who knows me, and I’d assume said boyfriend would know me, would know that I couldn’t care less who he’s looking at and thinking about as long as I don’t have to hear about it. I’m anything but “hypersensitive.” But to mention it during sex? How much of an asshole can you possibly be? No one is that drunk.
What if you were in bed with your girlfriend and she said, “Even though your dick isn’t as big as Bob’s I still like having sex with you.” IMO, it’s the same type of comment. Now, a man might not get up and make a scene over that, but it would never leave his head the whole time he was with this girlfriend. You don’t forget comments like that.
Indygrrl,
Happily paired up for four years, married for one
[QUOTE=Indygrrl]
What if you were in bed with your girlfriend and she said, “Even though your dick isn’t as big as Bob’s I still like having sex with you.” IMO, it’s the same type of comment. Now, a man might not get up and make a scene over that, but it would never leave his head the whole time he was with this girlfriend. You don’t forget comments like that.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t think that’s comparable. The dick size comment implies you’ve been intimate before, while anyone can see how good-looking someone is. It’d be more like, “Bob is really hot but I’d much rather be with you.”
