Ladies: "How to make a man happy, 2014 Edition"

In My Humble Opinion
21

Nice.

And further: not possible.

22

I leave them alone. They seem to like that.

23

What an incredibly obnoxious and presumptuous thread titling, OP.

Got that off my chest. My SO is English, born of an English mother and an Irish emigre father. Raised in a different culture than I on the literal shores of the North Sea. It remains a source of amazement to me how much we have in common in food tastes, activities we enjoy, what we like to watch on television and in movies. The only source of much in the way of friction is her slight tendency to believe in woo. (I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “The Royal Family believes in homeopathy!”)

Maybe it really is as Steve Martin said in L A Story :

24

How to please your man:

  1. Buy a jar of pickles.

  2. Insert one pickle carefully up your rectum. Put the other pickles in the fridge, but save the jar.

  3. Invite your husband to have sex with you doggy style. As he enters you, play the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme on your smartphone. Begin loudly drinking from the jar of pickle juice.

  4. When your man asks why your vagina feels different, begin extruding the pickle from your butt about two inches.

  5. After your man has climaxed, eat the pickle.

And that’s how you please your man. Bonus points if you strategically carved “Happy anniversary honey!” On the pickle ahead of time.

25

What the fuck did I just read?

26

Exactly.

  1. Show up naked.

  2. Bring food.

27

Please, every issue of Cosmo going back like fifty years has had a headline badgering us women to learn how to please a man. We don’t need that shit here, too.

How about:

Step 1. Ask the guy.

28

Ding! Ding! Excellent answers from the ladies (albeit too general.) Here’s a sample of specific things TO DO mentioned by men.

  1. Come to my house naked
  2. Bring food
  3. Bring a hot female friend
  4. Don’t tell your boyfriend/husband/housemate that you’re out with me
  5. Re-model my bedroom
  6. Re-paint my gate
  7. Have my car re-painted and waxed

More from the gentlemen please.

29

Be nice to me.
Seriously.

I didn’t sign up to be your punching bag. If you’re in a bad mood don’t take it out on me.
It’s not my fault your sister is a bitch, work sucks, or your mother puts you down.

If I help out don’t scream at me that I did it all wrong; the fucking dishwasher will not go critical and explode because I mixed with forks with the spoon in the basket. If you do this don’t act indignant when I’m reluctant to do thing I know I will only get yelled at for.

Just be nice, it’s pretty simple.

30

Humans: “How to make a human happy, 2014 Edition”

Respect.
Affection.
Humour.
Boundaries.
Compromise.

31

I’m pretty much over pickles. Thanks a fucking lot.

32

Speaking as a man, I’ll take cash.

33

You could always have your SO use bananas instead.

34

and blowjobs.

35

It’s a damned good thing I don’t like pickles in the first place. puke

36

There have been many obvious suggestions here, such as sex and sammiches, but I’d like to add, a happy woman is delightful to be around and so is a confident woman.

37

I’ve got it!

Exercise
Discipline
Affection

38

Sometimes I get a bit bored on The Dope. Y’know, after being here for so long, it just seems that a lot of the topics get recycled, posters get stuck in their partisan or crazy ways, and it’s just all too bloody predictable.

Then a post like this comes along.

I’m too scared to ask for further details. Just Too Much Information.

But funny as all fuck! :smiley:

39

Anniversary pickle is just the pickletip of the iceberg.

Wait’ll you hear great suggestions for pleasing your man on his * birthday*…

40

So, dare I ask why you’re saving the jar?

:wink: