Ladies, is there any way a guy can ask you out "Dutch"?

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

@Neverender

What did all you people do for dates before you had jobs? How did you pay for it all then?

I think it might be culture difference really, but for me (20 yo English male), man paying for EVERYTHING either means a.) money is all he’s got going for him and he’s flashing it around, or b.) the woman’s a gold digger. I haven’t been out with a girl that expected me to pay for everything. Even when I’ve attempted to pay the full bill most have refused to let me, or handed me half as soon as the bill arrives etc.

I don’t think it’s necessarily that the bloke is still expected to pay, so much as the one doing the asking is expected to pay. I’ve been on a couple of dates where I was the askee and I was content to let the girl pay for me on those. Otherwise, I’ve always ponied up for both of us unless it was an LTR.

[willthekittensurvive]

@Marienee

I think you must be in a different region, here in Brabant they settle for 'k heb niks bij, kunnen toch gaan vrijen dus.

Maybe that’s why my colleges in Tilburg insist that Brabant has the most efficient dialect,

[Cagey_Drifter]

“You’re the most beautiful girl that has ever bought me dinner.”

[Bridget_Burke]

@Eureka

Speaking only for myself, I’d vote for suggesting some low-key activity which is free or low-cost (free concerts in the park is a good one, coffee at Starbucks is a fine one).

The fact that he is broke does not need to be mentioned in the same breath as “I’d like to get to know you better”. The fact that he is broke as a result of a nasty divorce strikes me as a warning sign. As such, it better be revealed before it becomes a huge, deal-breaking secret, but mentioning it too soon(such as during the first “will you go out with me?” conversation) might make me wonder if this guy was really over the ex and all which happened which was associated with her.

He needs to leave the discussion of “that bitch my ex-wife” to later in the relationship. Much later.

Something free or cheap for the first date would be fine. For example: Houston’s fine arts museum is open late on Thursday night–and admission is free that day. Miller Outdoor Theater has free shows–if you can stand the heat. Most of Houston’s art galleries will be hosting a ton of openings this Saturday–free wine! (And beer–better for a Houston summer.)

If the couple hit if off he could mention he’s a bit broke. Then they can work out inexpensive ways of hanging out. If she doesn’t like to do interesting stuff & just wants somebody to spend money on her, too bad.

(To people outside the USA: Here, if you ask someone out, you are volunteering to pay. Especially on the first date. The woman can do the asking: “Hey, I happen to have an extra ticket to that show!” Students usually have opportunities to study together, go out for pizza with the gang, join the group smoking pot under that tree, etc.)

[CrazyCatLady]

@Neverender

What did all you people do for dates before you had jobs? How did you pay for it all then?

We got Happy Meals, took them to the park, ate them on the swings, and played with the toys. Or we went to the discount theater where they showed second run movies for $1.50. Or we went to street festivals, or Shakespeare in the Park, or discounted/free stuff on campus. Or we cooked dinner together. Or we stayed in and either rented a couple movies or watched tv. Whatever we did, we took turns paying for both of us–it was kind of the dividing line between us hanging out as friends and dating.

And nobody’s saying the guy pays for everything all the time–but if he’s going to ask her out, he needs to be prepared to pay for the entirety of that first evening, and then if they hit it off they can work out whatever’s good for them for future dates.

[Green_Bean]

@handsomeharry

Here’s the solution: Get him to get the babe into a conversation. Say something like “I’d like to take you out, but I’m broke, big time. I’m stuck in this mess for about another year. If you can think of something cheap, let’s do it!”

You’re joking, right? You think he should as her to think of something to do? That’s not asking her out. That’s asking her to ask him out.

@sugar_and_spice

I agree, just find something cheap that he can afford for 2. Also, just speaking for myself, I’m always intrigued when a guy can think of something interesting and reasonably-priced to do on date, outside of going out a mid-range restaurant. It makes me think he has a life, and that he does interesting stuff on his own all the time. And that on later dates, it won’t be pulling teeth to get him to try some new and slightly dorky Sunday afternoon activity (art fair, hiking, random church festival, etc).

So true.

[overlyverbose]

I love the idea of finding some free outdoor music and bringing along a picnic. That way the friend isn’t inviting her to his home the first time out (which some women might perceive as threatening) and they can have a casual dinner out in public. All the friend needs is a backpack for the food and a few bucks for some nicer ingredients. If he can whip up something simple (or just grab some nice fruit, cheese and crackers) and splurge on a $10 bottle of wine (there are some pretty decent wines for that price), he’s got a nice date for cheap.

[Bridget_Burke]

@Green_Bean

You’re joking, right? You think he should as her to think of something to do? That’s not asking her out. That’s asking her to ask him out…

Yes! If he wants to court her, he needs to show what he has to offer. Rather than harp on the fact that he doesn’t have much money, he needs to demonstrate that he’s an interesting guy who wants her to join him in doing interesting stuff.

In fact, if a guy said “I can afford to take you to an extremely expensive restaurant but don’t really care about food–you pick” when asking for a first date–he’d be turned down by any decent woman. Who wants to spend the evening with a bore?