Given that Brad is married (& on top of being married, he and Angelina have, like, 60 million children), I would turn him down. And if he continued to pester me afterwards, I’d get annoyed. I think that if I continued to turn someone away for any reason and they refused to be turned, I’d find that annoying at first and then move toward creepy later.
Annoying doesn’t have a particular look about it, it’s just annoying. Being a crapass listener, no matter how good-looking you are, is a turn-off.
If a hot guy is giving me attention, it’s probably not so much “unwanted attention.” If a totally hideous guy is hitting on me, then yeah, I probably wish it would stop.
I don’t know where people got the idea that girls are never shallow from. I don’t want to screw a 300 lb. man with acne any more than you want to screw a 300 lb. girl with acne.
I don’t care what the guy looks like - if I said no once, the answer will be consistently no. And I’m not one to mince words, so the guy would have no reason to believe that I dont’ mean what I say. And, whatever the guy looks like, he can’t NOT be creepy or at least extremely assholish with that type of persistence.
This is what I was thinking. Having a cute guy doing this would probably be preferable at first, but after a few times it would be the same no matter what the guy looked like.
I really don’t think this is a guys vs. girls thing. I do it all the time. Why would I NOT want to talk to an attractive stranger? How else does one meet new people? I may decide *upon *talking to him that I’m not interested, looks alone aren’t enough for me to date a guy, but how will I know unless I talk to him?
I concur, 100%. Hey, maybe I’m actually a gay man trapped in a woman’s body.
I’m all about the rigorous honesty, so I say that of course I’m going to find an attractive person less off-putting than an unattractive person, at least on first meeting. Um, duh.
That said, attractive people who behave inappropriately quickly become unattractive.
Don’t you find it just a little bit disingenuous to interpret “Brad Pitt” in the OP to mean that actor personally rather than “your single most physically desirable male in regard to his appearance”? There are women, I’m sure, who would jump at the chance to jump him, whatever his marital status, but if you’re not one of them, please feel to substitute whomever would manifest the physical embodiment of your lustful desire. Sorry for writing the OP in such an ambiguous way as to contribute to your misunderstanding.
What even sven said.
And the problem comes when the guy says “The girl is shallow! I just want to chat (and innocently flirt) and she brushes me off! I’m sure if I looked like Brad/Clooney/hottie she’ll pay attention to me!”…
Well… duh, the guy was initially physically attracted the girl, and approached her solely on looks (shallow). But now he’s crying foul because the female has decided to do likewise and turn him down (with nothing to base on except looks)? Cry me a river
I still agree with norinew. “Attractiveness” has a lot to do with how people act as well as how they look, and it blends together very easily.
Let’s say Brad Pitt is triplets (who shower with the same frequency and dress in a similar way). Brad Pitt #1 is in Hollywood being an actor.
Brad Pitt #2 is a pleasant guy who is friendly when I see him but that’s as far as it goes. I’m not drooling over him, but when my friend starts dating him, I say (and I mean it) “What a sweet guy! And good-looking too!”
Brad Pitt #3 is a guy who repeatedly attempts to flirt despite the fact that I have expressed my disinterest. I think Brad Pitt #3 is creepy, and now that I think about it, he has weird teeth. I don’t like the way he does his hair. Look at his eyes, they’re squinty and shifty. Ugh, why does that creepy looking guy keep flirting with me? I wish he would get a clue and leave me alone.
ALL THREE PEOPLE LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME. Brad Pitt #3 is not attractive to me because he has a proven track record of acting like a creep.
Ok, stop right there, the guy is already seeming strange to me. Since I don’t go to places like bars where your very presence indicates a certain willingness to be approached, it is already striking me as very strange to be spoken to by a total stranger in a mildly flirtatious manner.
If it were some completely NON-flirtatious comment like about some funny situation currently being witnessed by both of us, some comment that makes him seem gregarious but NOT flirtatious, I might not have creep meters dinging yet.
he’s asking me out after 15 seconds of chat??? Creep-o-meter on red! looks completely notwithstanding. That is very strange behavior. The only way this could possibly work is if there is a long string of disclaimer acknowledging what a strange thing it is to do (“I’ve NEVER done this before, but if, maybe, you’re not married to someone, dating someone, living with someone or in love with someone, maybe I could call you for a date sometime?”)
and I decline not because I’m a “proper lady” but because I have a care for my personal safety.
eek!
I have never gotten the attention I do want from strange men in public places. The behavior you describe would strike me as very strange no matter what the man looked like, and I’m being rigorously honest here.
Without exception the men I have dated have come from some sort pre-existing group/organization…school, church, hiking club. That is why people looking for someone to love are so often advised to join such organizations. They provide a social context for the interaction rather the the stab-in-the-dark public pickup.
The only way the scenario you describe could possibly work for me is if the man were completely non-flirtatious, simply being a friendly gregarious person. I DO chat with men and women in grocery and library lines, at playgrounds, in my neighborhood, etc. If I encountered the same man a number of times in a setting like this and we eventually introduced ourselves, I could see such a casual interaction eventually being comfortable enough for me to be receptive (if I were single) to an invitation like “You know, I find myself hoping to run into you. You always brighten my day and I really enjoy your company. I don’t know if you’re available, but would you ever being interested in a date?”
I’m not saying looks wouldn’t be a factor in how interested I am, but enough interaction would’ve occurred that a good sense of humor, a confident demeanor and a great personality would have their effect on my perceptions.
Meh. I don’t buy it. Clubs are full of guys who are by all accounts traditionally handsome while, at the same time, putting off creepy vibes. And as I’ve mentioned before, my physical attraction towards someone based purely on their looks is fleeting unless they back it up with some wicked humor and smarts.
I’m a guy and I’ve definitely experienced unwanted attention from females. But not because I’m such a super stud - the females in question have been categorically pretty dog-ugly. Which makes sense - less attractive females are not used to getting the same kind of constant male attention lavished on them so they have to be a little more socially aggressive.
This is what happens when I over edit.
Is your question, “do looks matter?” if so, yes. They matter. Thing is, they matter in such a way that your hypothetical stops making sense. The situation you posed involves me repeatedly declining some guy. Brad’s unmarried, reasonably well kempt, and otherwise uncreepy twin shows up? I’m not declining in the first place. I don’t turn guys down because of some weird notion of being a “proper lady” (that’s a horrible misuse of that term). I don’t know anyone who does.
If there’s a reason I’m saying “no,” to some guy, his trying to pester me into changing my mind is not going to be appreciated. For the real life Brad, that reason would be his wife & kids. For his creepy, evil twin, that reason would be his creepy evilness. For a guy I find wholly physically unattractive, the reason would be his unattractiveness. His failure to accept that I have a reason makes him more annoying and creepy.
A guy acting as you described would be ax-murderer creepy no matter how good-looking. (Does nobody else remember how many times the neighbours of a sociopath ax-murderer afterwards say “But he looked and acted so normal and friendly and nice! We would have never thought him capable of doing such horrible things!” And the pictures do look good in an average way).
But then, I have an unusual taste. Most of the actors/guys currently considered good-looking I find totally distasteful, starting with their expression of smug “I’m the greatest-looking guy on Earth, and Gods gift to womenkind, and I know it”, which makes me want to puke.
Most young people (who still have the benefit of young faces) I see daily I think “this person would look nice if their expression wouldn’t be so vapid/stupid/ etc.” So the expression of the character behind the face, in their face, is what makes a person good-looking or ugly.
I can’t see a way that somebody who behaves so seriously creepy and like a jerk by ignoring my wishes would not look ugly and be off-putting to me. No.
I want a nice guy much, much more than I want a good-looking guy.
Well let me think…it has been a long time since I have had much attention let alone unwanted attention from men, but as I recall, it is all pretty much the same no matter what the guy looks like.
Sure really good looks might get you a few more seconds or minutes of face time, but really it does come down to the vibe or creep-o-meter, or whatever you call it.
Just because some guy is my equivalent of Brad Pitt(Hugh Jackman for me BTW), doesn’t automatcially make it OK for him to keep pestering me when I have stated my case clearly.
And for me, like one other poster stated, I was always a little more weirded out by the guys I found too good looking for me. And there were a few in college that did approach me. I was always like, “where is the candid camera?”!
I also had two stalkerish guys in college. Both knew way too much about my every move. One looked like Charlie Manson :eek: And the other was a sort of cute guy that now reminds me of the singer with the glasses in Bare Naked Ladies, who I find attractive. I talked to the cuter one a few more times when he approached me. But I was just as creeped out once he talked to me about my every move. And when my roomate actually brought him home to have a fling with once, I recall locking myself in my room, and keeping a blunt ojbect at hand.
She found him pretty creepy too, once he asked her half a dozen questions about me while they were making out!!! :eek::eek:
I strongly disagree. For me, anyway, body language and behavior say a lot more to me about a person than his looks. If someone is asking me out after just a few minutes of talking to me, it tells me that either a) he wants to screw me and that’s about it, b) he’s desperate, c) he’s a creep or d) some combination. Even worse, if he starts to invade my personal space or ask me out repeatedly, that tells me that he doesn’t listen to what I’m saying because it doesn’t fit with his personal agenda, he doesn’t notice or care about my boundaries and what’s making me uncomfortable or he’s obnoxious enough to try to wear me down, neither of which is a good thing.
When you posted this thread, did you already have a hypothesis? I’m asking not to be snarky, but because it seems like you expected one answer and that may have skewed how you’re responding to the answers that disagree with that assumption.
What is with the “good looks” meme? Ted Bundy was very good looking and smooth acting. He use to go crusing for hitchhikers to rape, tortune and kill. Many women have reported that they got away from him because “he didn’t seem right.” They had a gut instinct that something about him was wrong.
P.S. Entitling a thread, “Ladies, let’s be honest” also indicates to me that you expected a specific answer, i.e., that looks do matter. I’m not sure about others, but starting off that way makes me defensive. It doesn’t change my answer in the least but it does make me more likely to say, “Nuh-uh!” a little more stringently than I would otherwise.
I had a very good looking Marine interested in me when I was 19 or so. I was not at all interested in him in return, because he bored the crap out of me. He was very nice, so I can’t say that I got annoyed by his constantly hitting on me, but I definitely wasn’t interested. On the other hand, I’ve dated plenty of guys who would probably be considered ugly or odd-looking by other people, but who had great personalities.
It’s funny how people keep reading things into the OP that I went out of my way to avoid putting there.
Concerns about the guy’s manner of hitting on you? Check. I specified that he addresses you in a mildly flirtatious way that “you are utterly unoffended by.” This means if you think “Hey, babe, those are some monster jugs you’re sportin’ there” is cool, then that’s his approach, and if “Good eventide, madam” turns you on, then THAT’s how he approaches you.
Concerns that Brad Pitt’s looks seem too ostenatiously movie-star gorgeous for your peculiar and modest aesthetic tastes in men? Check. I specified that the good-looking version (each “woman’s personal equivalent of Brad Pitt”) is up to you–if your idea of goodlooking is bald, fat, 40ish with a stinky cigar jammed into his craw, then go nuts.
If you’re turned on exclusively by the guy’s choice of words and tone of voice and sense of humor, then all I’m asking is that you apply both sets of standards to both hypothetical men–yet some of you ladies in your candor are having a very difficult time decoding my simple meaning here.
I agree 100% with Even Sven here, btw–you’ve got the absolute right to respond positively to your ideal male, and to react negatively towards some repulsive cretin, both hitting on you in the same exact manner, and I would expect that most sensible women would do exactly that. What I’m wondering is why women then feel justified in castigating the poor repulsive cretin for treating you exactly as the stud-puppy you found so charming. I’m not talking about HIM at all, really, but about how you feel internally. In one case you’re pleased, and complimented, by the attention (that is, for those you who are) and in the other, you’re angry and insulted–and all based on how the guy looks?
Now, if you’d really turn your own version of Brad Pitt away, curtly, and start looking for a cop the second or third time he asks you out, no matter how sweetly and nicely he did it, and you’re being honest here, then I have no issue with you. But I’m finding some of your responses puzzling, I have to admit.
And FTR, this isn’t a personal issue with me–I’ve struck up conversations with perhaps 3 0r 4 strange women over the past few decades (the last time, I ended up hiring a cleaning woman as a result). I’m kinda shy and introducing myself to women isn’t really my style. But the thread about the guy in Starbucks coincided with my being present for a conversation at work yesterday, which a woman who works for me was having with her assistant (both woman are late 20s, early 30s, single and pretty good-looking), in which they were trading anecdotes about creeps who keep hitting on them. Rather than get into it with them, which might lead to slightly inappropriate conversation (though they plainly didn’t mind having this talk with me present, and seemed welcoming of more of my input) I thought I’d do better to ask it around here. Both of these women seemed irritated that some guys kept persisting in asking them out–what I didn’t point out was that both of them have recently dated guys whom they turned down the first few times as well, which I found a little contradictory. Persistence is very bad, they seemed to say, except when it’s good.