One of the most important things to draw me to a guy is that we have compatible senses of humor. Something about being able to laugh together tends to generate “chemistry”.
Honestly, I think most of those initial “Wow” attractions are based on pretty shallow things like how the guy looks. If you really want a meaningful relationship (which it sounds like you do from your other thread), I think your best bet is to focus on trying to be funny, friendly, and outgoing. That might not lead to getting a ton of hot college chicks to flock to you like they might for “Kevin”, but it might help you make a connection with a nice girl who is compatible in the ways that really matter.
I like a guy who has all his front teeth, is clean, smells good, ooh I like a guy to smell good, is gainfully employed, I find that almost irresistable, and a reliable vehicle. Oh, and no wife.
Lol fetus…I wholeheartedly agree. I’m 36 years old now…and I’ve never been hit on like I’ve been lately. For the record, I care…it’s just amazing how little women that I’ve known notice. Just for that sentence, I’ll agree with…confidence.
I think the ‘confidence’ thing - “I just love guys who are confident” is common in these threads - is more of a prepackaged answer, having been inculcated in women by magazines and the like for many years, than anything else. Women also apparently fall for guys who are ‘sensitive’ and, especially, ‘vulnerable’. I think the vote for ‘confidence’ (given that many women know that the confidence in many (most?) men is a front for more or less its exact opposite - come the first crack in that facade and the whole insecurity underneath is revealed) is as much to do with the fact that one set of insecure people (women) want desperately (and this desire does not diminish, but rather, grows, with experience of real men) to be partnered with a member of another set (men) who can make up that deficiency. Of course, it doesn’t generally work like that, and women know it doesn’t, but much of life testifies to the triumph of hope over reality.
First impressions matter.
When I was single I’d have picked out the guy I wanted to go home with from the moment I walked through the door. However, I’d talk to anyone while waiting to make my move. Sometimes the guys I talked to turned out to be more attractive than the guy I had originally set my sights on.
Don’t be an asshole.
Guys sometimes equate “showing off” with confidence. I’m talking David Brent/Michael Scott from The Office. Don’t do that. Giving yourself lots of praise is not sexy, self-deprecation is much classier.
Even if you disagree with everything she’s saying, this is not the time for a smackdown “I’m smarter than you! Nyah, nyah nyah” situation.
This is also not the time to talk about your neuroses, your horrible childhood or your deep love of Superman comics.
Light gossip is fine, character assassinations of her friends is not going to win you her admiration, even if you’re the epitome of wit.
If she asks what you do for a living, you reply and she says, “really, I don’t know anything about that, it must be fascinating”, this is your cue to say “well, it’s actually very boring , tell me about YOUR job”. It is NOT your cue to give a minute-by-minute breakdown of your working day.
Keep it light, flirty and appear interesting and interested.
You don’t actually have to say anything of substance, you just have to avoid saying anything which will put her off.
Unless you are evesdropping how do you know you aren’t already? It’s not something you can know about yourself. To make things easier for yourself, go from the assumption that you are the guy that any nice sane girl that is compatible with you would want. What have you got to lose by making that assumption rather than a negative one?
Sitting back with an I don’t care attitude doesn’t work. Unless you are exceptionally interesting looking, you’ll just fade into the background.
Woman like good looking guys with lots of money who put on a big show. Forget what these girls are saying about polite conversation. You don’t want to be a jerk but “oh this is a lovely party” isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Basically you just want to BE the good time. The guy cracking jokes and making everyone laugh or buying the shots for everyone. Why would a girl want to talk to a guy standing there by himself unless she was also shy and pathetically awkward? Even worse, why would she talk to five guys standing there like mopes?
What you do is you have a good time and then casually approach girls around the party. “hi” or “what’s going on” is usually sufficient. Don’t cling onto them all night. If the conversation goes well, ask for a number. If it goes really well, invite them to wherever you are going next.
And you know, don’t be afraid to occassionally be a jerk to someone. It lets people know you aren’t a pussy and that there are consequences for violating your “rules”. Becoming “great friends” with a girl first and then evolving into a romantic relationship never works. “Complete asshole” to romantic relationship is a much shorter trip.
msmith537-just to let you know, your approach only works if you don’t actually like or respect women.
Don’t be an asshole if you want a relationship where both parties are equal and neither play games.
Intelligent, secure women don’t look at assholes and think “yup, he’ll make a great father for my kids”, and if someone violates your “rules” we think you’re an idiot who doesn’t know when to back down, not the paragon of all things macho.
Act like a mensch, you’ll get further.
Oh yeah, one way to really get with women is to denigrate other men by calling them pussies. We love it when you use sexist insults. Makes us all hot and bothered. :rolleyes:
I’m a guy, but at 35, the lightbulb finally went on for me about a year ago.
It’s confidence.
More specifically, it’s projecting confidence, which is not necessarily the same as actually having it. And IMO that’s damn near all it is.
I’m intelligent, funny, sensitive, not physically repulsive, a terrific listener and all sorts of other things that women say they want, and none of them did me a damn bit of good. Those are the things that will appeal to her after she gets to know you. But what will attract her is self-assurance.
I’ve been able to make some internal mental changes, and I’ve had a couple of things go right for me, and all of a sudden I’m able to project a lot more confidence; things have improved for me.
Well, no. If lots of women say they like confident men, it’s because they like confident men. And it’s not just a woman thing - most men say they prefer a confident woman as well.
And the reason is simple, if a person isn’t confident, it sort of makes you wonder what’s wrong with them if they don’t even like themselves - ya know?
Looks & styling can do a lot. Check out this make-over The plastic surgery may have helped, but 90% of the change is the hair and clothes.
Fashionable hairdo, contacts instead of glasses from BC, nice clothes, a necklace and a smile.
Also, a person who isn’t confident is generally hoping someone will come along that makes them feel confidant and sexy: they are looking to be amused, not to amuse. That’s a lot of work. People are lazy. They prefer the lower-maintenence person.
I like guys with whom I can have a conversation; we don’t have to agree on things, just find stuff we both have opinions on. I’m used to considering debate for debate’s sake as a wonderful passtime; apparently it’s a cultural thing for my Dad’s part of the country but rare outside that area.
Unless you’re physically repulsive, gay, married or my coworker, if we can have a conversation you have a very good chance with me.
God, I’m so easy!
After this assignment I’m supposed to move to Madrid… I hear you can actually find some interesting nerd watering spots in there… aaa-men to that!
No offence, but non sequitur much? I am one of the shyest people I know and I like myself just fine. I console myself with the fact that my lack of confidence makes me less likely to attract women who equate confidence with substance or who think that the two even correlate in some way, as I’m not interested in them.
I’ve been saying that for years, buns3000. Some of the most confident guys I know are rather quiet and don’t call much attention to themselves. Frankly, they don’t see the need to do so.
That’s why I don’t entirely buy the whole “Women like jerks because jerks are confident” answer. If anything, I think jerkiness ultimately indicates a lack of personal confidence! A truly confident person doesn’t feel the need to step on other people.
For this reason, a female friend of mine recently commented, “Women often say that they know confidence when they see it. Frankly, I think most of them are wrong.”
